LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > Getting Married

fiance grossed me out at dinner


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

Like Tree27Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 13th November 2018, 2:59 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 20
fiance grossed me out at dinner

So I will make this quick. My fiance of almost 6 months made a nice dinner with me last night, and everything was lovely. Then we were talking about the A/C breaking down all the time since we now live in a hot state, and other annoyances that go with living in a hot and humid place. Then he goes, "let me know you something!" ... I honestly thought he was going to show me something job-related, or something important, and instead he shows me this disgusting picture of a large cockroach that he took with his phone at work. He started laughing and thought it was really fascinating. I almost lost my appetite and was insanely grossed out and told him to stop talking about it and change the subject immediately. We did and then I tried to forget about it.

I don't know why I feel so upset about this but need to rant. My father would NEVER do something like this at dinner, and I think it just reminds me how childish my fiance is sometimes. How do I get over this?
alicyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2018, 3:05 PM   #2
Established Member
 
alphamale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Detroit, MI :lmao:
Posts: 35,362
Quote:
Originally Posted by alicyn View Post
How do I get over this?
you find another fiance
__________________
"Alright, we'll call it a draw..."

- Monty Python
alphamale is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2018, 3:29 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 138
If you are really having this much trouble getting over a picture of a roach, I donít think you should be getting married. If you are this worked up over this, I donít think youíll ever be happy.
CardsFan01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2018, 3:32 PM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 20
We don't have any big relationship problems other than stupid stuff like this. I know it's trivial.

I love him but every now and then he shocks me with something like this. I am a very clean and germaphobe type of person and he is opposite. I wish he would stop doing these things.

Most of the time it's so stupid it's laughable and I get over it. Like the time he left an entire slice of cheese on the kitchen counter overnight and me finding it in the morning. But bad table manners are one thing that is a huge pet peeve of mine.

Last edited by alicyn; 13th November 2018 at 3:34 PM..
alicyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2018, 3:36 PM   #5
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 32,727
Get him to promise to never show you gross pictures at dinner then move on.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2018, 4:00 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Art_Critic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 30,647
Hopefully you don't get married anytime soon, the typical dinner table conversation in my house almost always has to do with poop, diarrhea and bodily functions like farting...

I have an almost 11 year old and kids make some gross stuff happen in your life, like the first time he projectile vomited or smeared poop all over the dog. hahahaha

I would just tell him to knock it off, he must have grown up in a household where potty type humor was allowed at the dinner table and not everybody can do gross stuff at the dinner table, he should heed your warning and listen to you...
Art_Critic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2018, 4:03 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by alicyn View Post
We don't have any big relationship problems other than stupid stuff like this. I know it's trivial.

I love him but every now and then he shocks me with something like this. I am a very clean and germaphobe type of person and he is opposite. I wish he would stop doing these things.

Most of the time it's so stupid it's laughable and I get over it. Like the time he left an entire slice of cheese on the kitchen counter overnight and me finding it in the morning. But bad table manners are one thing that is a huge pet peeve of mine.
How old are both of you?
CardsFan01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2018, 4:45 PM   #8
Established Member
 
bathtub-row's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,730
I think whatís really bothering you is his immaturity. This wonít go away. You need to decide if you want to be married to him. If you do, youíll need to learn to tolerate his unappetizing sense of humor.
bathtub-row is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2018, 4:59 PM   #9
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 23,397
I understand the last part of your question is the key part. You feel he's too immature at times. And that can certainly be a problem. Instead of throwing a fit over a gross cockroach, though, which isn't really the issue, I take it, you have to just assess how old he actually is and compare him to others in his age range for maturity. I mean, I could never stay with someone who acted like a little boy. Huge turnoff and even huger annoyance. Next he'll be farting in bed on purpose (that's when I eliminated one guy after sleeping with him exactly once). He was a fun friend, but not for me romantically. And he never changed the whole time I did know him as a friend, so not everyone changes, but some do -- well, should. I don't even think it's something you can talk to him about and change him. I just think he'd be offended.

If he continues to act like a little boy doing gross things or all he wants to do is play whatever it is he likes to play, he's certainly not marriage material, unless you happen to be the same way, of course. I know two people who met in the 1970s and spent a couple of months playing together like children and got married and still are. But that is RARE. Plus they never had kids. You need a man to have kids with or you just end up with the kids -- plus one more big stubborn useless kid. So just keep an eye on him. See if this seems ingrained. See if he's too old to be acting like this (to me too old would be over 25 because that is approximately when the frontal lobe is fully developed in your brain). Note whether he is still collecting action figures or toys, basically. Or whether it's just what comes out of his mouth. But even then, if his sense of humor is offputting to you, you're never going to be able to change it, so...good luck.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th November 2018, 1:52 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Northeast Coast
Posts: 515
Quote:
Originally Posted by alicyn View Post
We don't have any big relationship problems other than stupid stuff like this. I know it's trivial.

I love him but every now and then he shocks me with something like this. I am a very clean and germaphobe type of person and he is opposite. I wish he would stop doing these things.

Most of the time it's so stupid it's laughable and I get over it. Like the time he left an entire slice of cheese on the kitchen counter overnight and me finding it in the morning. But bad table manners are one thing that is a huge pet peeve of mine.
The red flag for me is that you are a germaphobe and he is the opposite. Are you going to cohabitate before marriage to make sure you are compatible in that respect, and to make sure you can deal with his bad table manners and messiness and he can deal with your cleanliness? I could see where that would be a great source of contention for the two of you moving forward. (And I am speaking from experience!)
vla1120 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th November 2018, 12:33 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Mrs._December's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 491
Quote:
Originally Posted by alicyn View Post
How do I get over this?
Get over what?? It's a freakin' picture of a cockroach. Big deal.
Mrs._December is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th November 2018, 6:08 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5,133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs._December View Post
Get over what?? It's a freakin' picture of a cockroach. Big deal.
Exactly. I think it is not the d*mn picture. It is more like cold feet (hinted by the comparison with the dad etc) or overall annoyance. If it is the latter, think long and hard before taking further steps. I find when the 'generalized' annoyance happens, the relationship has been toast already (maybe it is cold feet not that in your case, but it is worth thinking about).
No_Go is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th November 2018, 6:05 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 514
I'll be honest, a picture of a cockroach and a slice of cheese are your biggest complaints about him?

Assuming he doesn't act like a kid all the time, I am finding it hard to believe that other men would leave you feeling more content. That all sounds extremely benign to me and part of me is wondering if he has to walk on eggshells.
healing light is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th November 2018, 10:22 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 8,142
By partner and I have a saying for things like this... "Boy humor." In other words, stupid and immature things - he and his son find hilarious, while I find them stupid and immature...

We both just agree that there are things that are funny to him, that are not to me (like farting). He has some filter (not everything he thinks about comes out of his mouth), and those that do... I try to avoid. We both say, "that is boy humor..." he laughs, and we move on...

You have to pick your battles wisely in a relationship. If this s the worst of it, you are not doing too badly. Just tell him - no disgusting humor at the table.

ETA, for all you know, your dad was like this when he was younger... and he has grown to be more mature and respectful under the influence of your mother. Or perhaps earlier, by his mother.
__________________
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...

Last edited by BaileyB; 15th November 2018 at 10:27 AM..
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th November 2018, 2:03 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 16,786
How long did you date before getting engaged? It almost sounds like you're just discovering this side of him.
__________________
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I Am Grossed Out By My Boyfriends Dirty & Disgusting Apartment!!! LittleB Dating 35 11th May 2011 4:16 PM
He grossed me out - it ruined the night. LaChatteNoire Dating 56 4th December 2009 4:02 PM
Still Grossed Out and Angry... ARDriver01 Infidelity 9 16th January 2008 3:11 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:00 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.