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Which signs of immaturity are a red flag to call off a wedding?


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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:43 AM   #1
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Which signs of immaturity are a red flag to call off a wedding?

I have been with my "future" wife for 6 years, and finally decided to propose. She knows everything about me, even the financial effort I am making to be able to purchase a house for us. However, this month in particular she has been giving me a lot of **** for not: surprising her with flowers in valentines (even though I did buy flowers and took them myself, and then went to dinner. She was pissed because I did not surprise her, not for the fact that there were no flowers). The other day it was our annyversary an I did surprise her with flowers, she was happy, and sweets. Decided to take her to a movie and dinner. She got sad because I was not dressed elegant with a shirt, just a polo shirt, nice jeans and elegant shous, and that I did not think our relationship was important. Also why was I taking her to the movies first (even though I confirmed the schedule with her before buying the tickets).
All of these while she knows that I am giving my left testicle to be able to pay for our future house, while being charged thousands of dollars for other expenses for our future this month.
I was thinking "She is giving me all this **** for trivial things while I an busting my balls on the real stuff". I told her "**** off, I wont even reconsider I am doing something bad for 1 second. You are giving me crap NOT for not thinking about you, but for not doing things the way you want". She gave me back the engagement ring.
I dont know maybe its me...
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:47 AM   #2
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I told her "**** off

I think everything you listed was a big red flag, but the above would end it for me, too. Maybe I'm just sensitive and stuff.


But I'm thinking that this may have turned out for the best, probably for both of you. There was a real compatibility issue that would have caused you nothing but headaches in the future.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:49 AM   #3
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By the way english is not our first language. I know is really not an excuse, but If someone really want it to insult, you do it on your own language. The **** off was more an expression of frustration rather than a direct insult. For example, I would never say "**** off" to someone I am having an argument in English. In that case I am well aware that it is an insult.

Last edited by andreap; 23rd February 2018 at 11:54 AM..
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:57 AM   #4
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Good, she did the breaking up by giving you back the ring. She'll be back but in your place I would keep on moving...away from her. Sounds as if she's an entitled spoiled woman, to me. Definitely not marriage material at this point in her life.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 12:01 PM   #5
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I get you bud....She is living in fantasy-land. Her idea of relationships is totally NOT REAL. I mean seriously, dressing up for a freaking movie? Have you seen the inside of a movie theatre...Not the cleanest and high and mighty. lol

I feel that the constant barrage of insults and accusations are just a form of **** testing. She is pushing your buttons to see how much she can get away with. So to answer your original question...yes, thats very immature.

The fact that she gave you the ring back is significant. That ring is an avatar of you giving your heart and soul to her. She readily gave it back. Maybe now is a great time to make sure you get that house WITHOUT her, and give the ring to someone else who will cherish and safeguard your heart and soul. Not despise it.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 12:01 PM   #6
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By the way english is not our first language. I know is really not an excuse, but If someone really want it to insult, you do it on your own language. The **** off was more an expression of frustration rather than a direct insult. For example, I would never say "**** off" to someone I am having an argument in English. In that case I am well aware that it is an insult.

Okay, no problem.


I was looking over your thread history just now, and I'm a little amazed this has lasted as long as it has. It's been one thing after another with this chick. I think she did you a big favor by breaking it off.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 12:30 PM   #7
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Sadly, the reality is that when I post is when something bad happened not when something good. If we have been together for so long is because the good outweights the bad. She has an amazing heart, she is smart I lover her and her family. She loves me and my family also. Bad thing is the entitlement. This is the issue I have a problem with. When is enpough, enough. What separates the "cute" from the "this type of attitude really causes damage"
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Old 23rd February 2018, 12:44 PM   #8
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this behaviour would get worse, as once you are married, you would be held as a sort of prisoner

and there is already disapproval, which means she thinks you would obey her, just like always, right up to the divorce, oh, run away while you are free

Last edited by darkmoon; 23rd February 2018 at 12:47 PM..
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Old 23rd February 2018, 12:48 PM   #9
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You may resolve this issue and get back together again, but for gods sake, keep the engagement ring. In fact, sell it, so you arent tempted to give it to her again. If she's acting this entitled and spoiled after 6 years together, I cant imagine how she will be if you marry her.

You dont need to get married. DONT.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 12:51 PM   #10
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Dark is correct.... And by the way, are you ready for the pain of dealing with being compared to other "men"...Thats in the wings bud. Mark my words. Hence the **it testing. She will feel entitled to raise the stakes higher with manipulation and then love bombing, till you find her with another man. If not already.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 1:06 PM   #11
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You may resolve this issue and get back together again, but for gods sake, keep the engagement ring. In fact, sell it, so you arent tempted to give it to her again. If she's acting this entitled and spoiled after 6 years together, I cant imagine how she will be if you marry her.

You dont need to get married. DONT.
You nailed with the "6 years" comment. Before there are "small" things you let slide. After 6 years you start thinking "Maybe this "SMALL" things I was letting slide are not really that small." That is what worries me.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 1:21 PM   #12
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You said she has a big heart ? How is that ...? The way she reacted doesn’t indicate she has any thing going through her head or a heart

This is the best thing that could have happened to you in 2018. Good job standing up for yourself.

If she comes back and she will once she sees the type of guys out there she’ll probably regret her tantrum

Yes a good reason to break up and stay away
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Old 23rd February 2018, 2:03 PM   #13
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My ex became spoiled and entitled. Brother let me tell you it's one hard way to live with such a person. Having gotten away from living and putting up with such a personality, I would rather stab my neck with a pencil than ever put up with it again.
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Old 24th February 2018, 9:21 AM   #14
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Why is it your responsibility to save the money require to purchase a house for "us?" Is she also going to live in this house? Is marriage not a partnership? Perhaps, there is more information that hasn't bee shared, but I would hope that she is also saving and planning to contribute financially to the purchase of your future home.
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Old 24th February 2018, 9:58 AM   #15
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I also went back and read your threads and I wonder if the very first issue you posted about ever changed or improved. If not, that problem may be the crux of the issues you are having now.

In your very first thread about this girl you had been with her for a year and your main complaint back then was your lack of sexual attraction for her. You said she was beautiful, smart, did all she could to please you and she had become your best friend but you just didn't sexually desire her. Instead you avoided sex with her and spent your sexual energy masturbating to fantasies of other women. As a matter of fact, you said you had only had sex with your gf about six times in an entire year.

A few months later you posted more of the same. Gf still wonderful, you have a kinship with her, but still lacking sexual desire for her. Still masturbating to fantasies of other women. Then your follow up threads began to focus on new faults you were beginning to notice in your gf. She was becoming insecure, overly jealous of other women, she had become needy and was constantly looking for your approval. Eventually she became more controlling, more demanding and more angry.

So I have to ask, were you ever able to develop feelings of sexual passion and desire for your gf? If not then I think your gf's behaviour is less about being a spoiled entitled child and more about being a rejected and sexually frustrated woman. First you posted about not finding her desirable and then your following threads seem to show your gfs confidence and self esteem deteriorating. She goes through a phase of insecurity and neediness and winds up controlling and demeaning.

If you never felt passion or mad sexual desire for her then I think you did both of you a great diservice by continuing this relationship. I also had a bf years ago who was lacking in desire for me. We talked about it, he insisted it wasn't me he just didn't have a strong sex drive. I didn't ever know if that was true or not but I loved him so I stayed and just tried to accept that my man didn't want to have sex with me.

Over the next two years I became increasingly unhappy, lost my confidence, became insecure and jealous of any woman he seemed to notice or admire. As my self esteem plummeted I became a less happy go lucky gf and more of a complaining kill joy. When other guys would compliment me and tell me I was hot or beautiful instead of feeling happy about being complimented I felt hurt, because the one man I craved that attention from didn't feel that way about me. After about 2.5 yrs of this I knew I couldn't continue this way. It seemed that my bf was never going to break up with me and I didn't want to break up with him. I loved him but I also knew his lack of desire for me was doing a number on my head and I didn't like the person I was becoming. So I did us both a favor and put our relationship out its misery.

Now maybe I'm waaay off base. After all you don't post all that often, so maybe you found crazy lust and passion for your gf and now you are in sexual paradise with her but I kind of doubt it. That problem doesn't usually fix itself and I don't even know if it can be fixed. It's one those things that is either there or it isn't. Either way I think you need to end this relationship. Your gf is either a childish entitled biotch or she's become miserable from spending years with a man who doesn't desire her. In either case it would be better for both of you to end this.
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