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Together 8 years... he won't marry me... what do you think?

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Old 15th May 2005, 1:52 PM   #1
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Question Together 8 years... he won't marry me... what do you think?

I'm a new member. I'd like to hear your opinions... so here goes.

I'm 31. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. We bought our house together and have lived here with our two dogs for about 7 years.

He asked me about 5 years ago if I'd marry him. I said yes. We went out to look at rings, but I didn't find what I wanted that day, so we decided not to buy one that day. I never heard anything else about it after that. It was like the whole thing never happened (asking if I'd marry him and looking for rings).

So here it is years later. I've brought up wanting to be married a few times, usually in the midst of a weak moment.

So what do you think... is this a sure sign that he doesn't love me enough to get married? Am I crazy to be waiting around? I love him and want to marry him, but I'm 31 and think that at this point, if I wait any longer, it will be even harder (not that it wouldn't be excruciating now) to leave.

We're about to sell our house and are at this point planning to buy another together. I kind of feel like we should commit to becoming married if we're going to lock ourselves into another home together.

So let's hear it... I'm ready.
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Old 15th May 2005, 1:58 PM   #2
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well seeing as he did mention marriage, and hasn't done anything about it yet, he may have changed his mind.

but you don't know if he did or didn't...and this kind of communication (or lack thereof) is not very conducive to a healthy relationship, especially marriage.

the best thing to do is ask him about it and tell him your feelings, find out his, and which direction you're planning on taking. he has a right to his feelings, but you have a right to know where this is going.

honestly, as a man, he probably figures "we've been together for so long, we own a house and dogs together, what's the rush of getting married for? this is what being married is."

the worst thing to do if you really want to marry him is give him an ultimatum or a deadline.
"~if man is five...then the devil is six, and if the devil is six...then god is seven...
this monkey's gone to heaven.~"

"i don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
but i think that god's got a sick sense of humour
and when i die
i expect to find him laughing..."

Last edited by SexKitten; 15th May 2005 at 2:02 PM..
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Old 24th May 2005, 6:17 PM   #3
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Re: Together 8 years... he won't marry me... what do you think?

If you have been living together this long...without pushing for marriage; why force the issue to make him marry you now? If the two of you wanted to get married, you would have done so after the proposal..or at least set a date. The two of you seem to be in a comfort zone that doesn't call for marriage. If you only casually brought it up every so often, you have to look within yourself for reasons why you let the engagement go on for as long as you have. The house can be a trigger for you to initiate a more direct approach in getting married. Watch for his reactions because they will say a lot as to whether he really intends to marry you or not. We all get into our comfort zones; it is time that you have a heart to heart with your man. I am not sure what his reasons for not getting married are when you brought it up the few times the past 5 years; but don't back down until you are satisfied that you know whether or not he intends to marry you. Good luck.
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Old 25th May 2005, 1:39 AM   #4
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Before you buy a new house, it's time for you to decide on what you're going to do about your relationship. You want marriage and you don't know what he wants. You want to have kids soon, right? Why waste your time on him if he is not serious? He stood you up once already. He may do it again.
Talk to him openly about it. Ask for a yes/no answer! You have to decide on the wedding date now and have a ring on your finger or don't buy a house together.
Many women have won this battle with an ultimatum. 8 Years is a bit too long. Screw the tradition that he should be the one to propose! The tradition doesn't say he can propose to you then never talk about it again.
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Old 26th May 2005, 12:09 PM   #5
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It's the 21st century!!! Go out and find that ring you always wanted for yourself, and propose to him! Uh i think that's how it's done? Or is the girl supposed to buy the guy a ring when she proposes.
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Old 28th December 2005, 4:02 PM   #6
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What happened with this?
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