Marraige and Finances

[Groovy]

What about marrying someone who is not financially responsible? My BF talks about marraige in a few months but I told him I want to wait more than that so right now I am curious more than concerned.

 

Though he states no debt I suspect his credit is awful. He was saying how when people marry they should have everything the same, the bank account, the bills should be shared, etc. His Cable just got shut off because he forgot to pay his bill. He has only 48 hours left to pay taxes and it's a good chance they'll be late. I paid mine the day I got them in the mail and my credit score is near perfect. And for the past 6 years I have paid all the bills on my house I own with anything else.

 

My girlfriend who had a bad marraige leaving her with severe debt asked her new BF for a credit check before she put the name on the mortgage. This seems harsh but fair to me. I think my BF is responsible with his job, kids, etc but not financing. Even if he has no debt he is extremely unorganized.

 

Who has married someone with a bad financial mindset? How did you address the issue? Was any system worked out?

[RecordProducer]

Poor financial organization is one of the worst enemies to a marriage. Perhaps if he would let you run the finances instead of him? If he makes good money, you can organize it. But if you make more than him then the decision is yours. Hopefully the two of you have enough together. Don't forget that he has kids to support!

[alphamale]

finances, or the lack of them, is either the #1 or #2 biggest issue in most marriages.

 

when you marry someone, you not only marry their family but you also marry their credit report. keep that in mind before you walk down the aisle.

[Pocky]

As far as finances, we have a joint account that we both deposit a preset amount of money into per pay period. This account is used for the house costs (i.e., mortgage, utilities, groceries, car repairs, etc.) and then we both have our own personal accounts. I don't tell him how to spend his money in his personal account and he doesn't tell me how to spend my money. I figure we both work so we both have a right to buy what we want when we want and shouldn't have to get permission from someone else.

 

It works great for us. I pay all the bills out of the joint since everything is in my name and I don't ever have to worry about anything being paid late. I love it.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by Groovy

Who has married someone with a bad financial mindset? How did you address the issue? Was any system worked out?

 

Hokey's hand is raised ME! ME!

 

Before we got married we sat down and went through all of our bills and our income and made a budget plan and decided who would be responsible for what. In the beginning I was the one who paid all the bills. It was agreed that he would basically hand over his check each week and I would take care of the money and let him know how much we each had to spend. That evolved into each of us keeping a set amount out of our checks to spend any way we wanted before we put money into the joint account to pay the bills -- with the stipulation that if we came up short we would both contribute our "stash" money to take care of mutual bills. At first he contributed more than me because he came into the marriage with more debt -- a LOT more debt, including late payments, and not-great credit. As those things were paid off and closed and our finances became one, it was easier. But we had that agreement up front. Some people are just bad at managing money.

 

When my husband lost his trade and began working less he was feeling terrible about not contributing so we sat down and went over everything again and I said one huge help for me would be for him to handle all the finances and paying the bills, etc. as long as he stayed with the plan. He's been doing it for years now and takes pride in it and has developed a good attitude and is responsible now. I ask him how much we have. I still have my own stash---but it comes from him giving me $10 a week for lunches, etc. and me not spending it and hiding it away! He also take $10/week for whatever he wants. He still has problems sometimes saving up for things -- he can always find a way to spend that $10 the second he gets it, but that is his money and his problem. The bills get paid, money goes into the savings accounts, and we take care of the necessities first.

[Mz. Pixie]

It's funny, my bf and I were talking about this last night.

 

During my marriage, I was the money manager. I was responsible for all of that. My Ex would spend money and we wouldn't have it and I would have to account for it somehow- either not paying a bill or getting a cash advance to cover it. He was never interested in how they were paid, when they were paid as long as when he needed money it was there. In the last three years of our marriage I was so depressed by this and other things I just quit caring. I developed the attitude that I didn't care. I never opened the bills or bank statements. I pretty much had to force him to take over the bills. Which he did reluctantly.

 

I guess all of the stress of that made me flip flop. I cannot stand it now and I prefer NOT to know how much I have- I worry about money constantly as a single mom. I find I worry more if I know how much my exact balance is in my checking account. I know this is crazy- because I'm a intelligent person. I'm responsible.

 

He's agreed to be responsible for this once we get married. There will not be a shortage of funds we will just have to stick to a budget. He has told me however that I will need to be aware of everything so that I wouldn't be in the dark if something happened to him. I'm thankful that I will not have to deal with this on the level that I did before.

 

Financial problems can kill a marriage. People need to make sure they are on the same page financially and have the same goals financially. We do- a nice home and college funds for our three kids are what are important to us. I made the mistake of not doing this in my first marriage because I thought I could handle it. I just didn't know what kind of things would come down the pipe. Think carefully before committing yourself to someone who's financial spending plan is way different than yours. A little can be a good thing- perhaps they can balance each other- but too much can be a disaster!

[tiki]

I married my husband with his crappy credit.

 

You have to take control, and YOU pay all the bills. You can let him pay some (or all) but you've got to keep a VERY close watch on him.

 

Council him on his credit issues, he should feel embarassed and WANT to change. Mine does anyway.

 

I didn't put his name on my home. We'll deal with all that later.

 

BY LAW, you can get a free credit report (try freecreditreport dot com) once yearly. Or if you've been turned down.

 

Good luck, I'm sure he's a handfull. I hope he learns from here on out though. If not, he may not be mature enough, and may have a lot of growing up to do.

[Moose]

Both Mrs. Moose and I are TERRIBLE with managing money. So much so, that I have every single one of my bills, including monthly bills, mailed to the accountant. She takes them out of my salary, and cuts me a check for the balance. We never see any of our bills.......ever.

[tiki]

Originally posted by Moose

Both Mrs. Moose and I are TERRIBLE with managing money. So much so, that I have every single one of my bills, including monthly bills, mailed to the accountant. She takes them out of my salary, and cuts me a check for the balance. We never see any of our bills.......ever.

 

Awesome idea, moose! I do a lot of mine on automatic bank draft through the company itself (I guess it's the same as automatic bill pay) then there's no need to worry!

[Groovy]

Yeah, I like the idea of a joint account just enough to pay the bills that we go 50-50 on. I do so much on-line banking and would know if it went anywhere else. And then the idea of our own accounts to do whatever we feel like is cool. I don't make a huge amount but I spend very little. I don't want some guy making more than me feeling like he can spend any money he wants. Plenty of men with 3 digit salaries go broke doing that!

 

I like the idea of automatic bill paying set up too. Another good idea!

 

As far as all else, everything will probably stay in my name. My mortgage is super low because I bought a house and regutted it for 2 years raising the value 3 times it's worth. Most people would want to live in a house's worth for so little versus getting something smaller for more money, assuming I stayed in the area. There would be no reason to put their name on anything as it's been mine for 6 years now. If I ever did move and they had bad credit I could simply refuse to put my name on a mortgage we shared, or anything else.

 

It's not so much my guy is a big spender. He is going to grad school so will probably make more than me eventually. He's just not organized and loses bills and pays things late constantly. BTW, he doesn't have kids. He is a teacher. That's why I mentioned he is good with kids.

 

I don't even know we'll marry but it made me think about this type of stuff. Thanks!

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by Pocky

As far as finances, we have a joint account that we both deposit a preset amount of money into per pay period. This account is used for the house costs (i.e., mortgage, utilities, groceries, car repairs, etc.) and then we both have our own personal accounts. I

 

we do something similar to that- although we basically save his pay, and live off mine, and separate out a certain amount into our own personal accounts, for our own spending.

 

rent and other bills automatically come out of our joint bills account. we also have a joint savings account (for travel/investments)..then our own personal ones. once we set it up, it has worked very well for us.

 

we dont have much "personal" money at the moment, as we are simply saving most of our money so we can take a year off to travel...but i expect down the track, we will allocate ab it more money into our personal accounts.

 

i think it's important to have a system in place, and agree on how money will be managed, otherwise it could be a bit source of conflict. we spent a while talking it through, but fortunately we have quite similar views, and are both very good at saving (even though sometime we want to save for different things..lol!)

[Lolla]

If marriage is in our future..

 

I would want for him to have and keep what is him, what's in his name i.e: The house, he purchased it, it is his and he can pay for the house with no problem, along with his insurances, and the hously bills.

 

He has the top of top credit.

 

I do too, but it is 'falsey good credit' because I have many, many credit cards with max limits of $$$$$$ so I can consider myself that much in debt without ever maxing the cards out. My way of thinking about it..

 

So ... I of course would contribute a "rent like stipend" but I do not and will not nor want my name on the house or any deed like joint signature paper.

 

I do not want finances to f- up what my marriage could be like... So we jointly help eachother out, but with different check books.

 

Bad idea ya think?