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She test me all the time and its driving me crazy

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Old 31st October 2016, 8:48 PM   #1
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She test me all the time and its driving me crazy

Hi is my first time here, i'm looking for opinions on this problem i'm having with my fiancee we she is contantly testing me to the point to i don't feel comfy in the relationship anymore and i'm not a bad man at all, i mean i have a job (i'm a programmer), i cook i take care of myself i even cook for her never un our 8 years of relationship i never cheated on her i always treat her nice but always everytime i make the tiniest mistake she makes me feel like i'm the worst piece of ****.

For example two weeks ago her parents travel to Peru, so they asked her to take care of the family business and her 2 younger brother who still living with her parents while they where out, she hates cooking and take care of the house so she ask me to help her because i work from home i'm a programmer so basically my laptop is my office i have enoug free time to help her with this so i went to her house for 3 weeks and cook for her and take care of her brothers while she was taking care of her family's business, every day i had a warm meal waiting for her and we take dinner together it was pretty good kidn of seeing how our life as a family could be.

And this is not rare in me everytime we are together i do every kind of things for her, well her parents came back i had to go back to my place we don't live in the same city i live 4 hours from her she is from the city i'm from the fields, even so every weekend i go to her city to stay with her i'm also doing Catechism (even so i'm an atheist) because she and mostly her father wants her to get married by church.

So this weekend i douldt go to visit her because there was a storm in my town and the roads where floaded i really could't even go out of the town to the train station witch is at two hours from my house and again the roads where floaded because have been rainging for 4 days nonstop, so i call her an tell her "honey i can't go this weekend i'm so sorry", and she got angry for that i mean she started to say "i don't care for her that i don't love her and i was like "baby i was in your house cooking for you and helping you two weeks ago, how that doesn't say i love you?" to what she replies "THAT WAS THE LAST WEEK NOT THIS ONE YOU FAILED ME THIS ONE" and i was like "WTF?" she basically tell me later that she acumulate points for everything i do so everytime i do something she doesn't like she take those points away and i was like i'm yout fiancee or one of your students? (she is a teacher).

What do you think i'm really getting tired of her testing me all the time imean doesn't matter all the thing i do for her all the time good thing i do for her are +1 and every time i make a mistake is -10.
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Old 31st October 2016, 11:35 PM   #2
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Awwim sorry about your situation. Has your fiancee faced a lot of disappointments from the men in her family? Is she carrying a lot of hurt from the past? I would strongly suggest that you both join a premarital counselling. You do have to address this issue before you tie the knot. All the best!
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Old 1st November 2016, 12:06 AM   #3
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Her father had cheating on her mother more than 5 times and she can stand him very much i think is that what makes her test me all the time just to make shure i'm not like him but in 8 years of relationship and more important loyalty i think i pretty much proved that i'm not like him.
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Old 1st November 2016, 12:42 AM   #4
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If she collecting points on you and adding and deleting them if your a good boy or a bad boy and you put up with it then it's your fault.

Be damned if I would put up with that sort of behavior. If it was me, I would let her know that she needs an attitude adjustment and let her know that if she can't accept you for who you are without out point deductions then she needs to stay in her city and you look for a better woman who isn't selfish. Time for you to put your foot down.

It's not you job to be taking care of her siblings and if she can't be grateful enough for what you have already done then let her do it herself. He problem is she's flat out lazy and has gotten used to you doing it all. Your getting a preview of your life with her and if you were smart, you better think twice before it's too late and you become her full time slave.
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Old 1st November 2016, 12:56 AM   #5
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Get out now while you can. This is a preview of what married life will be like. It doesn't sound fun to me. Let's see

1. She keeps a point system. This isn't mature at all.
2. You're a programmer and she is a teacher. My guess, based on average salaries for the two, is you pay for the majority of everything.
3. She hates cooking so you do it.
4. She hates taking care of the house so you do it.
5. She is lazy.
6. She doesn't respect you.

I can't see a reason to stick around. What does she bring to the table?
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Old 2nd November 2016, 11:56 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Dirt View Post
I can't see a reason to stick around. What does she bring to the table?
I'd guess it wasn't at the table where she hooked the OP.

rabsaque4454585, if you're failing her weekly exam and review now when you're trying as hard as you can, how will it be when things settle into a routine ???

Were it me, I'd flunk out out of the relationship now...

Mr. Lucky
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus
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Old 2nd November 2016, 11:59 AM   #7
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You are both professionals so why have you been dating 8 years?

I was gonna say she treats you like a dog but I treat my dog better than she treats you.

This is one bitter woman that will never be happy. She is rude and unappreciative, disrespectful and patronizing. She is a barrel with no bottom.

I would tell her to put those points where I think and move on.
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
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Old 7th November 2016, 1:24 AM   #8
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She has no idea about compromise or giving. Sad to say, your future wife is a taker. And she'll continue to make you jump through hoops and manipulate you, make you feel bad and guilt you.

This is not a healthy relationship, really ask yourself if she is wife material and can you picture yourself spending the rest of your life with her. Her bad seems to out weigh the good. Don't marry her UNLESS you get tons of pre marital counseling and you see that she actually is capable of giving and compromise and not controlling you all the time and creating tests to see if you love her enough.
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Old 3rd December 2016, 7:42 PM   #9
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Ask Yourself Why

First of all, I'd have left long ago. If it's not too late, ditch her last year. It may not be too late to ditch her this year either, but January has long ago passed. At least try to ditch before Christmas.

You might ask yourself what's wrong with your love for yourself? This isn't a woman who loves you.

Your prioties are skewed. What you have now is an authority figure, who orders you around. Soon you'll be home alone taking care of the cooking and kids and she'll be out cheating.
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Old 6th December 2016, 4:51 PM   #10
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Oh you just wait if there is ever a marriage and you live together. Right now you have a bit of space living a distance from each other. I predict she will be in absolute full command. She will go hard into man training mode, you will be on probation until she has 'fixed' everything she interprets you need fixed.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
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Old 17th January 2017, 10:42 PM   #11
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Wow. I guess my question is when you were taking care of her house and family did she express any appreciation? Does she ever come to see you? Does she do kind things for you?
Has she ever cooked you a meal?

You didn't say anything good about how she treats you. Whose idea was it to get engaged? I'm guessing there was some "pressure"?
True power is having the ability to walk away from what I desire, to protect that which I love.
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Old 17th January 2017, 10:44 PM   #12
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i just stumbled across your other thread about the ring.

Please don't marry this person. You will probably be very unhappy.
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Old 31st January 2017, 6:23 PM   #13
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I'd like to add something but everyone else covered it. Lol.

As a programmer though you're probably gonna appreciate this:

If all our responses are variables, what is the likelihood that they all say the same thing?
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Old 13th March 2017, 11:51 PM   #14
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In your very first line, you found it necessary to state that you're not a bad man. Most of the rest of your post is about how your fiance is condemning you and punishing you for being bad.
You don't mention any positive qualities in her, except perhaps taking care of her family's business. I don't see any evidence of her contributing to your relationship. All I see is her crushing your self-esteem.
How much more abuse do you want to take?
Am I the only one around here who isn't getting offered sex like it's water?
"You want it to be one way. But it's the other way." - Marlo Stanfield
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Old 15th March 2017, 3:52 PM   #15
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Unless she is balancing all this scorekeeping with lots of praise when you help her like you did, I wouldn't sentence myself to a lifetime of this.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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