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Where does jealousy stem from......

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Old 15th June 2011, 4:43 PM   #1
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Where does jealousy stem from......

Often pondered why people get jealous. Besides the obvious; being envious. Where does this come from. For example: girl is with a great guy, good relationship and he loves her dearly and treats her well, however she gets jealous of other women/family members that meet someone new or begin dating someone.

Or a woman who has a nice home, but becomes jealous if someone else also buys a nice home. I see this mostly with women. Seldom see men behaving or acting jealous of one another.
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Old 16th June 2011, 6:58 PM   #2
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Insecurity issues .. been there , done that .
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Old 16th June 2011, 9:40 PM   #3
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some folks never outgrow the oneupmenship, its the concept that better can be best, and therefore if someone else has a perceived idea of what is "better" then they have to have it. Rather petty . Usually you see guys behave thru jealousy by having a better techno item or abs or something that makes them have the upper hand in this materialistic world. I personally don't get the girl type jealousy as we are each qualified to accept ourselves and our blessings. Its not gender preferenced , its more so that girls get the claws out and the guys get the muscles or brains out to out do one another....
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Old 16th June 2011, 9:51 PM   #4
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well, in matters of love, for me anyway, its feeling threatened and afraid of losing the partner to someone else, then being alone feeling and dealing with low self esteem and self worth, as for material matters, one of them at least is wanting to feel better than everyone else, or a particular someone, so when they do as well or better, they get mad and feel a competitive.
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Old 18th June 2011, 8:54 AM   #5
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My last relationship it was from him breaking a boundary, proving he wasn't the person he had portrayed himself to be. I stayed with him but I never blindly trusted him again. It took me awhile to not get jealous of others and then it was cos I stopped caring as much about him.

Sometimes people do things that cause insecurity, not just something you're born with. There's a variety of different reasons why people are jealous, depends on the two people in the relationship.
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Old 18th June 2011, 9:47 AM   #6
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I think it often stems from the combination of a sense of attachment and ownership that can never actually be met in real life, sometimes combined with disrespectful behaviour within a relationship.
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Old 18th June 2011, 1:27 PM   #7
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Denise, thanks for your post, I never thought of it that way , yet it clicks and makes sense!
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Old 18th June 2011, 8:29 PM   #8
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Old 18th June 2011, 9:18 PM   #9
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I agree with all the posts here. I also wanted to mention from a relationship standpoint if one doesnt trust the other, he/she may sense something that they dont consciously realize. Which obviously is only one of the many reasons that it could be.

From the other standpoint it is also a need to fill our self gratification as well as the other reasons mentioned.

In both cases IMO there may be one main focus/reason or many. And an insecure person this list may be intensified dependant upon where there insecurities stem from.
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Old 19th June 2011, 9:58 AM   #10
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To be annoyingly pedantic the OP is dealing with two different emotions. Though they are often used interchangeably, jealousy and envy are not the same thing.
Jealousy is something that occurs when you feel your relationship is being infringed upon. Basically you become jealous when you think a rival is going to take away someone whom you feel is rightfully yours. That rival may also have qualities that incite you to feel envy, which is desiring something that someone else has. We feel envy when we compare ourselves to other people and to what they have. I might say I feel jealous when my boyfriend kisses another women, but I envy my sister's new ebook reader.
There are some arguments that jealousy is part of a build-in defense mechanism that alerts us to the possibility that a valued relationship is at stake. The problem is that jealousy can be incredibly intense - it can obliterate rational thought in some people and can set off a series of behaviours that end up pushing away the person you are trying to hold on to.
Jealousy is also connected to other personality traits, and studies have found that some people are more prone to it than others. People who have higher levels of some form of neuroticism - emotional instability, anger, anxiety and depression, tend to be more prone to jealousy. People who are more agreeable - co-operative and compassionate - are less likely to become jealous.

Interestingly, there was a report a few years ago from a study that found 40% of women deliberately provoke a bit of jealousy in a partner to get a reading on the strength of their bond. this occurs most often in the early stages of a relationship when jealousy has a correlation to to caring, so provoking it can be a way of testing to see if it's safe to invest more emotion. I'm not condoning this, I just think it's interesting.

Unfortunately our brains don't release just a little bit of jealousy but instead it tends to land with brute force and lends itself easily to obsession and delusion. Emotions give us an illusion of certainty, and so jealousy can make us certain of our perception of the world, which makes us less likely to engage in reality-testing. Such complex creatures we are. Whatever the trigger, some psychologists argue that jealousy can be turned for good rather than destruction if people recognize it as a signal to look within and repair their own sense of self-worth.
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