ahsu77 Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 Well, sometimes that I am confused about if my fiancee is selfish or if I am too sensitive??? For examples; he loves car; he went car events on Friday night; and also Sunday the whole day. He spent time with me on Saturday. So he just really focus on his thing on Sunday. Sunday night; I were hoping that he would put aside his car thing and spent some quality time with me; but it turns out that he just prefer to be focus on his stuff. And I was upset. Sometimes, he made me feel like that I was the selfish and demanding one. Was I? Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 Men are not perfect, and sometimes we women expect them to be. We read these romance novels and watch these romantic movies and expect the man to be all about roses, candy, endless sex, waiting on us hand and foot and wanting to spend ever waking minute in our presence waiting to kiss our smelly feet. That my dear is not reality. Some men, and I'm not saying that all, but some men were not taught proper etiquette or manners. They don't ask if we want something if they're up getting it. They don't pull out the chair for us. They don't hold the door for us. And some were not taught to be domesticated or to do very little housework. All relationships require work. There are things you are going to fall short in and things that your mate is going to fall short in that you can help one another with. His lack of etiquette does not necessarily mean he will be thoughtless in all things. As one posting said, you have to chose your battles. You will NEVER marry a perfect man. But if having etiquette and manners, and being thoughtful all of the time is what you want, you can either help your man with that, or you can find another. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 I pity anyone that thinks change never happens. A long time ago (in a galaxy far away) I was the selfish one. I was so used to people doing things for me that it just never occurred to me to reciprocate. It wasn't pure selfishness, it was ignorance and my taking others for granted. Habit even. This really pissed off my husband. He had mentioned it to me a couple of times, but never really expressed how it made him feel or how he (and others) saw me. Once he told me how he felt and once I was able to see my behavior through other peoples eyes, I changed. Now if I go to the kitchen for something I ask if he wants anything, etc. Tell your bf how it makes you feel about him - how you see him. You may also want to teach yourself to be less-sensitive about it - it may not be pure selfishness for him either-or a personal affront to you. These are some behaviors and attitudes that most couples need to address, and they change all the time. Communication is vital and you have to be willing to compromise too. My husband slacked off in the housework department too. I went on strike. For nearly a year. It was horrible. He was depressed and angry. I refused to have anyone over to the house unless it was clean, so we didn't have company during this whole time. All I would do is the laundry. He FINALLY realized that he needed to help me, and I realized that he didn't have a clue what I needed done. Now I have a list and he checks off each project as he completes it. He is fine with that because he knows exactly what to do. Just this past year he FINALLY understood what that little mini-towel bar in the bathroom is for, and why T-paper comes on a hollow cardboard tube! It may seem strange, but everytime I go to the bathroom and see a fresh roll of T-paper on the dispenser I have to smile. I give him a hug and tell him thanks too (reward with treats - just like training a dog) :) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 I have found in my dating experiences that quite a few females in their late teens all the way up to their early thirties are extremely selfish and self centered. I suppose I attract those...or even sometimes create them...because I am particularly generous in giving of time and other things. I'm sure some men are the same way. Almost anyone can be turned into a taker if there's somebody around who will be their fool...again, particularly if they're younger. A lot of these, as you said, don't realize what they're doing or how it looks to others until it's pointed out. It's really odd because many of the ladies who were really selfish who I've stayed in contact with totally changed as they got older. I have found that those most selfish are 20-25. Of course, there are many who are not that way. I have concluded that it's a stage many go through. I have also found it quite puzzling that some can be very selfish in the presence of one person and very giving in the presence of another. This may be due to their expectations of things of much greater value as a result of their giving...I don't know. But I'm sure people are selfish for various reasons and it's nice that many of them do change as they mature. Certainly, for females, they get out of that crap real fast when they have children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahsu77 Posted March 7, 2003 Author Share Posted March 7, 2003 Thank you all for your suggestions. I will try to relax a little and let things fall into the right places. I know that I need to cut the romatic craps out of the reality and be patient with my boy. I did seek for perfection when I was younger. And as time goes by, I realized that we are not perfect ourself; how can we ask people to do something that even ourself can't do......... Link to post Share on other sites
RogueK Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 There's a good chance someone has read this and questioned themselves if they've truly been selfish to their signifigant other. I know i wish i would have read this thread about 5 months ago. Change does happen. It's just sometimes it happens when it needs to and sometimes it happens too late. Link to post Share on other sites
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