greenspan Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 I have been saving up for my retirement (401k, Roth IRA, mutual funds, stock since I was about 16. To make a long story short I have accumlated about 120,000 in different investment and savings. I know that all marriages are not meant to last and I would like to get a prenup whenever I do get married. Now understand that when I get married I would help her pay her debt if she had some, do whatever was necessary to be a good husband and if it came right down to around retirement age and we only had enough for one of us to retire I would let her and I would keep working. However, I do not think if I ever were to get a divorce I should not lose anything of what I have worked for. I have had to do alot of planning and made alot of sacrfices. I just see so many people fall love and it just does not work out which is why I am skeptical about love and marriage. Please give me your comments on this I would especially like to hear from the females. I would also like to know how I would explain this to my fiancee when I get one. Thanks for your time and let me hear back from you. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 I think it's reasonable to state that whatever one brings into the marriage, one should be able to keep wholly in the event of a divorce. That's more than fair. But whatever one gains while in the marriage -- including the growth of one's investments, etc. -- should be jointly held. I'm not sure how this can be legally stipulated or determined, but the idea I'm working with here says that the state of being married affects every facet of life. If your wife improves your life by offering emotional support, which in turn allows you to be more productive and/or make better investment decisions, etc., it's not ethical to claim subsequently that you made those gains entirely on your own. If you're just going to co-habitate but maintain the view that your achievments were made independtly, then why not just live together? Marriage is more than that, you see. That's how I see it. It's a very personal decision and I'm sure there are many,equally reasonable opinions that differ from mine in any number of ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 I just got divorced, and we were only married a year and a half, and I WISH that I would have gotten a prenup. He messed up some of my bills ON PURPOSE, and we've been divorced over a year...seperated almost 2, and he STILL has some of my things... A Prenup is a great idea. Just be careful how you approach it with your would be fiance...some couples get offended. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 Midori made some great points. It sounds like you don't have a particular person in mind yet so it's impossible to plan the details. The woman you marry needs to be compatible with you, including thinking about finances the same way. She may have her own money, investements, savings, and career too and wants to make sure HER investments are safe too. Someone who is fiancially stable on her own and with the same ethics as you, is going to be agreeable to a prenup. I would just be honest and tell her that it's important you plan for your joint future and that in the event of some unforseeable disaster or tragedy in your marriage, you want to make sure that you both can leave the marriage with a financial arrangement made before any anger, hurt feelings or resentment can cloud judgement. Then maybe make a plan that includes separate and joint budgets/accounts/retirement, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 In most states, community property (or property owned jointly by husband and wife) is property, interest on savings, or any other assets or appreciation of assets which occurred after the marriage. That means, in the event of a divorce you would be entitled to keep your $120,000 but she would have grounds to claim any monies over that and only if she decided to press the issue and a judge so ordered. Talk to an attorney and get advice on how you can have your entire net worth evaluated as of the date of your marriage. Keep that valuation in case the marriage is terminated. An attorney can give you full advice on these matters. This way you will not have to ask her for a prenuptual agreement. To me, it's incredibly sad that marriages nowdays have to start out with these kinds of concerns. However, to be practical and realistic, you are correct in your thinking and have a right to protect what you have worked for. In my opinion, prenuptual agreements are basically divorces in escrow. If someone is of the mindset that a prenupt is necessary, the seed of separation and divorce has already been planted. But, again, if any person has significant assets they must take action to protect them in a world where so many people are looking out for all they can get. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 I agree with tony.. Link to post Share on other sites
arigonlover Posted January 17, 2003 Share Posted January 17, 2003 As a 35 yr old female that owns her own home, has a retirement plan, etc. I wouldn't have a problem with a prenup. If it is written stating that what you bring "into" the marriage and what she brings "into" the marriage belongs to the respective party if you should divorce. I don't know why any one would. I do think if you all build things together, it should be divided up fairly if you should divorce. And I think if you are going to have a prenup, you may as well include wording about that kind of stuff. That way you can all feel safe about it. Hopefully you will never need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted January 17, 2003 Share Posted January 17, 2003 I personally do not believe in prebup's but then again I am fair and would leave with whatever was mine and let him leave with what was him (before the wedding). I can't stand people who try and take them for all they are worth, you were in love for christ sake, not just a high school crush. But then again, if you don't plan on getting divorced it shouldn't be a problem! Link to post Share on other sites
greenspan Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 I know a friend of mine that is about 50 and he was married for 24 years. He recently got a divorce and he lost half of his retirement to her the funny thing is that she never really contributed much to retirement. When ever he told her she needed to think about retirement she would always give him hell about it, but she was more then happy to take away what she did not work for. I know people say at the beginning that they will leave what is not theirs, but come on this is when you are in love. And in divorce many times I have seen cases where people turn into a different person (Dr Jekyl and Mr. Hyde) and are at each others throats and will do anything to hurt the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 Money can't buy everything... Is this supposed to be your bait or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 Telling people about finances is a bit boastful and unimpressive. The time to tell her is sometime before you get married, if it comes to that. Right now, she will interpret your boasting as some kind of tactic to get more of her attention. It'll just look real goofy. Link to post Share on other sites
greenspan Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 No I am not boasting and not trying to bait anything. Let me ask you this then. Is it ok to at least tell her that I save for retirement and that although I still live at home I am saving up for a house which is what I am doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 YOU WRITE: "Is it ok to at least tell her that I save for retirement and that although I still live at home I am saving up for a house which is what I am doing?" It's OK if it's in context of the conversation but just offering that information out of absolutely nowhere is boastful. This kind of information is not the business of any person you don't know really well. Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 So let me get this right.....you are a virgin at 23 with $100,000 in savings?? You are one lucky guy, let me tell you that right now...... Don't tell any girl if you have that much money in savings until you two are in love..... Link to post Share on other sites
greenspan Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 Yes I am a 23 year old virgin and have 100,000 in savings and about 20,000 in retiremnt which includes IRAs, mutual funds, and 401 K. Please tell me why you think I am lucky? Hope you read this and reply back. Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 Well, most people in their 20s that I know are in debt and NOT virgins, so I think you are lucky to have something (the $$) and not have something (sex). Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 You name two things, the money you have, and the point that you are a virgin. I find this text very odd, as if you are looking for something by offering money. Link to post Share on other sites
greenspan Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 I don't like what you are trying to say. You got some nerve Bill if that is your real name. I think someone owes someone an apology. Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 So what's the plan greenspan? Link to post Share on other sites
greenspan Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 What do you mean bye my plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 I don't like what you are trying to say. You got some nerve Bill if that is your real name. I think someone owes someone an apology. I'm only posting on the information that I see on the screen. I see that you want to use your money as leverage to get women. It seems like that. There, I rephrased what I said before, hopefully it is more clear as to what I was getting at. So what is your plan? Link to post Share on other sites
greenspan Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 I don't see how you see I would use money to leverage women when I never have and I never will. Because if someone likes me it will be because of me not for my money. I just think saving up for retirement and saving up for a house tells alot about me, but I would not come out and say I got this much money. I think I basically would want to get the point across that I am responsible and think about the future. I am sorry for the confusion Bill. Thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 What I mean by the plan is are you gonna tell this girl about your money? Link to post Share on other sites
greenspan Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 No mighty I would not. It would not be right to try to get a girl for money. If I get a girl I want her to like me for who I am, not for the money. Do you agree? Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 Well, just like you I also have assets. I will be able to pay off my entire college bill easily and put money out for a house and new car. I do not think it would be right to come right out and tell some girl how much money you have saved. I do agree that you should not use money to get a girl, as it will backfire on you. Link to post Share on other sites
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