hendersongirl Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 My boyfriend informally proposed the other day YAY Actually it was a weird conversation - I was in the middle of saying I wasnt sure what I felt about the relationship any more, and he started sobbing (he never usually cries) and spilling his heart - saying he never thought he could be happy with anyone (he's 33 and had about 5 serious relationships but only one he thought he could spend his whole life with - she left him and he thought he would never recover). And how i'm his best friend and the only person who gets him, and he was so looking forward to marrying me and settling down. I wasnt even breaking up with him, just saying I needed time on my own for a couple of days to think. I went for one night and realised how STUPID I was... Of COURSE I love him. He is my best friend, my soulmate. He can make me laugh when I am feeling the absolute worst. We are on the same plane intellectually, physically, spiritually.... Now we are stronger than ever, and he jokingly mentioned going on a hot air balloon so he can propose properly SO, to the question... We are both absolutely skint students, and I know he's a bit proud - he'll probably want to wait to buy a proper ring. But I don't care about expensive rings and things... How do I tell him without bruising his pride (bringing up how poor we are) that I'd love any ring he wanted to give me, or none at all - I wouldn't mind. He hasn't mentioned this specifically, and I also don't want to seem pushy about the proposal generally... Just let him know I don't need expensive things! Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Just tell him that for now, a simple ring would suffice. Once you both have started working, upgrade the ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggs Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I didn't want my fiance to feel that I wanted a huge, expensive ring either. Whenever the topic came up, I just mentioned that I couldn't imagine wearing an expensive because it just wasn't my style and I would worry about losing it. I liked something simple. Don't get me wrong...my ring is absolutely gorgeous but he didn't re-mortgage the house to pay for it! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Both of your intentions are clear. Unless you are planning on getting married within the next year, planning a wedding, etc. - you need not be officially engaged with a ring at all. You are students - take the pressure off your shoulders! Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I had the worst time making my fiance understand that I didn`t need or want an expensive ring. He just had this idea in his head of what he thought should be an engagement ring, and trust me...it wasn`t something I was at all comfortable wearing. I have small fingers so anything over a carat would have been gawky and too big. I would have prefered something like a half carat or under because we`re students. When I wanted to let him know I was helping a co-worker decide what to get his girlfriend for christmas so I was already shopping around on the internet for things I thought girls would like(my coworkers girlfriend has the same taste as me). So when I got to the rings he became curious and I showed him a few a liked, and those I didn`t like. A few months later he actually proposed with my favorite one out of the bunch. He said he was kind of upset because he had picked out that ring first and when I showed the same one to him he thought he wasn`t going to be able to use that one in the proposal. But I`m glad he did anyway. :love: Just bring the topic up in a light manner. If you`re watching TV and you see a huge ring that you don`t like, tell him. Be subtle. Don`t just make comments only on rings either. Tell him everything that you don`t like. He`ll remember which part of that list mattered the most. Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Easy one! Say you will pay half the cost of the ring(s). Link to post Share on other sites
Author hendersongirl Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Thanks everyone I've dropped a few hints watching tv and looking at junk mail catalogues... We already share our money anyway, so he knows he can use mine. Last night we were on the phone (he's visiting his parents for a few days) and he asked how I saw our relationship going (a friendly conversation not a serious one) and I said 'You know I want to marry you and be with you forever' and he said 'book us a hot air balloon trip'. :D I know it sounds weird that he's being so cautious but he was engaged once before and she went on a 'holiday' and never came back.. So it's understandable. Maybe he got a family ring at his parents or something... Ok mustnt get my hopes up Link to post Share on other sites
Grizzled Teddy Bear Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Why not just say it? I understand the romantic aspect of it, but I can tell you men aren't great at hints. When a person says something to a man, he takes what is said literally. You may put meanings behind this and that, but unless he's a mind reader, its going to fall flat most of the time and you're going to be hurt because he couldn't guess exactly what you were saying. So have an honest talk with him and most importantly, be sure it's something that you can stick to regardless of what is going on at the same time. I've been through this and I got flack because I gave her a less expensive ring, told her I would get her another when I did have the money, and she got mad eventhough she said it didn't have to be expensive; it just had to look the same as the one we picked out as I have just now learned. That and other things weren't going right between us so it contributed to it. Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Just tell him that for now, a simple ring would suffice. Once you both have started working, upgrade the ring. I'm not sure that approach works. The ring first given is always the ring, the one with the sentimental attachment. He can buy other rings later but they won't be the engagement ring. Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 The way to take the pressure off him is to go halves on the cost. Then there can be no implication he was mean when you weren't prepared to go higher on the cost yourself. It also fits in with the idea of equality of the sexes. Here's an even better idea -- buy each other a ring! That's what my current partner and I did. They were not expensive and both cost about the same amount and we wear each other's rings. Little cost, enormous sentimental value. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 HG, you sound like a wonderful girl.:D That you have chosen love over material things is about the finest gift you could ever give your man. Talk it over, give a few hints and be happy with what he gives you. Any woman who is ashamed of her engagement ring isn't worth being engaged to. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Any woman who is ashamed of her engagement ring isn't worth being engaged to. thats the truth Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 The best way to do it is straight up. Be completely direct. If you try to do it in a slick way, he will prolly think you mean the opposite, as he is probably used to past women hinting about these things. Say it just the way you said it here: I don't care about expensive rings and things... I'd love any ring you wanted to give me, or none at all - I wouldn't mind. Direct is the best way. if you want to drive the point home, fold up a foil gum wrapper around your finger and say "this would be fine". I forgot what movie that was, just be direct. Link to post Share on other sites
solo_flyer Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I didn't want my fiance to feel that I wanted a huge, expensive ring either. Whenever the topic came up, I just mentioned that I couldn't imagine wearing an expensive because it just wasn't my style and I would worry about losing it. I liked something simple. Don't get me wrong...my ring is absolutely gorgeous but he didn't re-mortgage the house to pay for it! Wow, if i had a girlfriend who said something like that, I would want her to marry me yesterday (even though I think marriage is excessively risky.) Link to post Share on other sites
Oician Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 If you are looking for a "proper" engagement ring, I suggest Taccori. They are positively exquisite. Mine is a Taccori and the one great thing about them is the main stone is a CZ so that the price is affordable and as an anniversary gift later down the road may be upgrade to moissanite or a real diamond. My first engagement ring was actually a blue ribbon torn out of a book at a Barnes and Noble. I wore it on my right hand on our wedding day. My second engagement ring is BEAUTIFUL!!! The center stone is a CZ and the little accent stones are diamonds. I am proud to tell people what exactly it is. We had no money when we were married. Our wedding was very small and well under $5000.00. Our honeymoon was camping for one night on the appalachian trail. I think it makes for a wonderful story. However, my personal view on the whole diamond thing is I boycott diamonds. After watching the movie Blood Diamond, I don't understand how anyone could possibly honestly still want a diamond. I find people who still want diamonds are either very uneducated about them or are very shallow. My gem of choice is moissanite. I find it is also much more breath-taking than any diamond. However, I will never change the CZ in my engagement ring. I want it to always be in it's original state. People are shocked when I tell them also because of the quality of it. They would never know the difference if I were not honest about it. Link to post Share on other sites
love_darlings Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Why not try this line, "I love you and will marry you without giving me an expensive ring". ? Link to post Share on other sites
be2 Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Lucky guy! My wife wanted a 2 ct perfect quality ring. I told her that instead of a ring, we could've been vacationing for 6 months, but go argue with a woman Link to post Share on other sites
Caitlyn Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I don't know if anyone suggested this already, but why not just go shopping with him? You'll be wearing this ring for a VERY long time so it is important that it fits your personality as well as your budget. That is what my husband and I did because we already lived together so it felt right for us to pick it out together. It was a great experience & over the years, that 1/2 carat marqee (sp) cut diamond has been added to. He bought a wrap for each of the 5 & 10 year marks, each with five 1/4 carat diamonds. I had the wraps, the engagement ring and the wedding band all bonded together and it now looks like one big ring. (and a beauty if I do say so myself lol) Also, those big stones can be a pain in the behind to wear daily. I have a friend who only wears her engagement ring for special occasions because it catches on nearly everything. Another option that I've seen a lot more of lately is go with a non-diamond ring. I saw a beautiful saphire engagement ring just a couple of weeks ago that the guy had custom made for his soon-to-be-wife. She absolutely loves it because it is unique & that is her birthstone. PS- Best of luck to both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerLady Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 My boyfriend informally proposed the other day YAY Actually it was a weird conversation - I was in the middle of saying I wasnt sure what I felt about the relationship any more, and he started sobbing (he never usually cries) and spilling his heart - saying he never thought he could be happy with anyone (he's 33 and had about 5 serious relationships but only one he thought he could spend his whole life with - she left him and he thought he would never recover). And how i'm his best friend and the only person who gets him, and he was so looking forward to marrying me and settling down. I wasnt even breaking up with him, just saying I needed time on my own for a couple of days to think. I went for one night and realised how STUPID I was... Of COURSE I love him. He is my best friend, my soulmate. He can make me laugh when I am feeling the absolute worst. We are on the same plane intellectually, physically, spiritually.... Now we are stronger than ever, and he jokingly mentioned going on a hot air balloon so he can propose properly SO, to the question... We are both absolutely skint students, and I know he's a bit proud - he'll probably want to wait to buy a proper ring. But I don't care about expensive rings and things... How do I tell him without bruising his pride (bringing up how poor we are) that I'd love any ring he wanted to give me, or none at all - I wouldn't mind. He hasn't mentioned this specifically, and I also don't want to seem pushy about the proposal generally... Just let him know I don't need expensive things! I agree. I had very expensive ring the first time and it meant SHT!!! I would rather have a nice ring and a life time commitment....Just be clear about it. You can have a nice setting and beautiful ring without going broke...... Link to post Share on other sites
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