[Viva_70]

My friend is getting repeated messages from an attached guy, mainly talking about work (gossiping about coworkers) but occasionally it goes in the direction telling her she is attractive, he would date her if he was single, and telling her he's jealous when other men talk to her. He'll tell her afterwards he's joking. Does it sound like a joke to anyone??

She doesn't want to cut him off completely because they are friends but she is very uncomfortable when the conversation goes to the aforementioned direction. What to advice her? (they are not located in the US btw, and I don't know the culture over there well, only know it is significantly more patriarchal)

[stillafool]

How can he date her if he is attached? He is just blowing smoke, she shouldn't take him seriously but find a man who is not "attached".

[Viva_70]

Not entirely clear to me what his status is, he's probably separated with his wife and lives alone, but that's beyond the point. He's not offering a date anyway, he was saying if he was single, he would?! Then he's saying it is a joke and she's imagining things. Is this gaslighting?

[d0nnivain]

Tell her to copy & keep all the messages. Then joke or not, she needs to send a message like the following:

We are collogues. I find your so called "jokes" offensive. Please refrain from commenting on my appearance or with whom I chose to socialize. I have saved all your past offensive messages and if you persist in crossing these boundaries I will report you to management & HR for creating a hostile work environment.

Then she needs to follow through with her promise if he does not cease & desist.

[hippychick3]

If she really is uncomfortable, then she needs to come out and say “That’s not appropriate. Let’s keep our convos strictly platonic.” If he continues to make her feel uncomfortable, then she can cut off the friendship. It’s not that complicated.

Unless she likes the attention...

[alphamale]

#metoo....your friend should slap a sexual harassment lawsuit against this guy. he is totally out of line and needs to be punished.

[Viva_70]

She did messaged him to keep it strictly platonic and that's when he said he was just joking. Keeping written record of the messages is a great idea which I'll share. Reporting him is not going to happen though, it is a very non-confrontational culture - when I suggested that earlier, she said it is more likely she'd just look for another job to avoid him... Differences East/West I guess, here he'd been in the HR office before he knew it.