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Brothers friend - crossing a boundary?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 20th February 2019, 7:52 AM   #1
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Brothers friend - crossing a boundary?

I’ve had more time to socialize as I’ve been traveling too much for work with no time for anything relationship-wise. However a week ago I met my brothers friend at a get together that we all were at. He currently is leasing a property my brother owns so they have a transactional relationship and a friendship from there has blossomed between them. They’ve known each other for 2 years, and I’d met him for the first time last week.

We were friendly (nothing physical happened) just engaged in many light hearted conversations. Throughout the course of the night some of my friends had made innocent comments to us calling us “cute” and “romantic” and we both laughed and casually brushed it off. Later in the night he asked for my Facebook and so we proceeded to add each other. We started messaging each other the other day and it began well. Over the past few days he’s been keeping the conversation going but with long delays in response times, I’m talking around 6 hours at a time.

Could it be that he’s being guarded as a result of the friendship he has with my brother? I don’t see why he’d ask questions and keep the conversation flowing but be delayed in replying. Any reasons?

Ps - My brother doesn’t have an issue with us talking or potentially going on a date and told me to go for it. I figured I’d be straight with him and say there’s some interest on my end. The friend doesn’t know that my brother doesn’t mind.

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Old 20th February 2019, 8:05 AM   #2
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6 hours is not a "long delay".

He may be guarded. He may not like you.

Your plan to express interest on your part seems sound.
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Old 20th February 2019, 8:30 AM   #3
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6 hours is not a "long delay".

He may be guarded. He may not like you.

Your plan to express interest on your part seems sound.
Can vary from 6-9 hours. If he doesnít like me, fine. But I donít understand why heíd keep the conversation going by asking questions/making jokes etc.
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Old 20th February 2019, 8:32 AM   #4
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Let me rephrase. He may enjoy talking to you but not be interested in dating you. He may also think he can't anger / upset you for fear of reprisals from your brother.

Lay off the FB interactions. See what happens next time you are together. Real life is the only way to judge this stuff.
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Old 20th February 2019, 8:34 AM   #5
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Let me rephrase. He may enjoy talking to you but not be interested in dating you. He may also think he can't anger / upset you for fear of reprisals from your brother.

Lay off the FB interactions. See what happens next time you are together. Real life is the only way to judge this stuff.
Iíd say thatís the best approach. Thank you
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Old 20th February 2019, 11:40 AM   #6
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Next time give the guy your number so he knows you are interested in a date. This FB thing is not the right way to get to know someone. Mixed/confusing signasl and poor communication is all you get from that. When he reaches out, give him your number and suggest you both get together sometime.
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Old 20th February 2019, 11:47 AM   #7
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Could he be working and that's why he waits to respond? I mean, lots of people do not have time or are now allowed to be texting at work.

I would say don't initiate as much and see what he does. And don't ever text if he hasn't yet responded. See if he initiates. Do you even know if he's really single? He could already have a woman.
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Old 20th February 2019, 1:10 PM   #8
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I think you need to lower your expectations a bit. You aren't even dating and he might not even know you like him and you are calculating his response time to a FB message??? It's a little too much.

I think you need to establish that you are dating first--so getting to that point is more important. And keep in mind, you weren't a priority in his life last week, so just because you are talking doesn't mean you will be a priority now. Some people ease into ramping things up with you, which is normal, not necessarily disinterested. I think you could ask him out but if you are waiting for him to ask you out, drop some hints and get off FB and at least into texting with him. Good luck
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Old 20th February 2019, 1:50 PM   #9
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I think his 6 to 9 hour delays are good. Shows he has a life other than mindlessly getting caught up in the 'instant-reply'" obsession of social media.

He could be creating some distance ... or just being sane ... FB is really not a good way to get to know someone ... People have gotten really good on social media. They can be witty and charming and funny ... and yet ... that skill says nothing about the quality of the person really ... or about the quality of the connection with another person.

If you want to ask him out, ask him out. I wouldn't take the "delay" really as a sign of anything--good, bad, neutral.

Do not rely on social media if you want to date effectively
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