Vicky321 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Hello everyone, I'm 23 years old and i'm currently in fwb relationship with a 34 year old man. When i broke up with my ex-bf 9 months ago, i really wasn't thinking about dating, especially because i feel like i still don't have my s** together (career & financial wise). I thought i better finish my studies and find a job before i commit to another serious relationship, but i always said that if a nice guy came along i wouldn't deny it. My path came across with this 34 year old guy, which is super respectful, nice, smart and a real gentleman. BUT, he has some issues of his own, and he does drugs every once in a while and smokes weed on daily basis (which is kind of the reason i broke up with my ex bf). We had one date and on the second one i accepted his "netflix & chill" invitation. Surprisingly we watched a whole movie together, he made no moves and offered to take me home. Actually i was the one who initiated sexual intercourse since i thought "oh well, we won't be serious anyways". He texted the next day, and the day after that, he offered to take me to a restaurant, he was constantly saying how happy he was and talked about how we should get together with our dogs, etc. I felt bad, i actually started to think he was into something serious. So i asked him if that's what he was looking for because i don't want to lead him on, he thought for a second,replied no and told me not to worry about it. from that on there were no further invitations and sharing feelings of happiness whatsoever, but he's still texting, he's still very warm, considerate and and caring. Now, i actually started to like this guy a lot but i don't know what he wants, what his plans for the future, if he's planning on getting married and having kids because he's not that young anymore, and i don't dare to ask him that even in a friendly way because i don't want to invade his personal space and make him nervous. The drugs thing bother me a lot, but he told me himself he wants to cut it down. Up this far i didn't say anything about it because that really wasn't my place, and i obviously don't want to be in a position where i try to change the person i'm with again, that's unfair and uncool. But what do you think? can guys change on that aspect? for the sake of having a healthy relationship and healthy family. Does it even sound like he would want something serious? or am i not seeing the picture clearly enough? thanks your the replies! Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I don’t understand You like him but you pushed him away when he opened up ? So you don’t like him? You don’t see anything serious but you like him ? Please explain that to me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vicky321 Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 Sorry for being unclear. I liked him from day one, but told myself i can't date him seriously because of the drugs thing, so i pushed him away a bit. My ex was very lazy and unmotivated because of the weed, which is exactly the opposite of this guy. He is successful, intelligent and just different in a good way. As time went by i realized how kind and fun he is and i can't help but wonder what would be if we did try to be serious, and if things would change. I mean, would a relationship and the responsibilities that come along make him want to quit? cause he didn't have a reason to quit so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vicky321 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 I don’t understand You like him but you pushed him away when he opened up ? So you don’t like him? You don’t see anything serious but you like him ? Please explain that to me Sorry for being unclear. I liked him from day one, but told myself i can't date him seriously because of the drugs thing, so i pushed him away a bit. My ex was very lazy and unmotivated because of the weed, which is exactly the opposite of this guy. He is successful, intelligent and just different in a good way. As time went by i realized how kind and fun he is and i can't help but wonder what would be if we did try to be serious, and if things would change. I mean, would a relationship and the responsibilities that come along make him want to quit? cause he didn't have a reason to quit so far. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Now, i actually started to like this guy a lot but i don't know what he wants, what his plans for the future, if he's planning on getting married and having kids because he's not that young anymore, and i don't dare to ask him that even in a friendly way because i don't want to invade his personal space and make him nervous. This is your life, your relationship & your responsibility to figure out what it is. You have been sleeping with this guy for several months, right? Yet you can't talk to him? Ridiculous. If you can accept his sexual organs into your body I see no reason why you can't have a conversation with him, even a difficult one. That is on you. It's not up to him to read your mind. So what if talking about things makes him nervous? If you want a committed relationship with a man who does less drugs then this guy, you are going to have take some initiative & ask Qs. It's your life too. You can't just sit there wondering & being passive. Speak up. Ask for what you want. If he can't or won't give it to you then you have the info you need to decide to leave & go get what you want or to decide you like him enough to accept half a loaf. It's your life & your choice. Be an active participant not a bump on a log. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Now, i actually started to like this guy a lot but i don't know what he wants, what his plans for the future, if he's planning on getting married and having kids because he's not that young anymore, and i don't dare to ask him that even in a friendly way because i don't want to invade his personal space and make him nervous. Do you realize how utterly ridiculous it sounds when you're willing to get naked in front of the guy, you're willing to share bodily fluids and let him pretty much go anywhere he wants on your body - and yet, you're somehow "invading his space" if you ask him what his future plans are? Seriously????? The drugs thing bother me a lot, but he told me himself he wants to cut it down. Up this far i didn't say anything about it because that really wasn't my place, and i obviously don't want to be in a position where i try to change the person i'm with again, that's unfair and uncool. LOL...yeah, they all want to 'cut down.' If he were 24 years old, it would kind of be par for the course. But at 34, he should really have his **** together. He's a grown man, and someone at this age whose still doing drugs and using the feeble excuse "but I plan to cut down" is just not a good prospect. Seriously. He's not. And the first lesson every woman should learn in life is that you CAN'T FIX HIM. You can't change him, and you can't fix him. Period. So don't think you can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 You have been sleeping with this guy for several months, right? To me it sounds like OP slept with him only once. Remember what you communicated him last is that you didn't want a relationship. So he may be acting on those words. OP you still don't know what you want... Do you want a relationship with a drug addict much older than you? Seems like sex was too good. Remember why you refused to date him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vicky321 Posted February 3, 2019 Author Share Posted February 3, 2019 Do you realize how utterly ridiculous it sounds when you're willing to get naked in front of the guy, you're willing to share bodily fluids and let him pretty much go anywhere he wants on your body - and yet, you're somehow "invading his space" if you ask him what his future plans are? Seriously????? LOL...yeah, they all want to 'cut down.' If he were 24 years old, it would kind of be par for the course. But at 34, he should really have his **** together. He's a grown man, and someone at this age whose still doing drugs and using the feeble excuse "but I plan to cut down" is just not a good prospect. Seriously. He's not. And the first lesson every woman should learn in life is that you CAN'T FIX HIM. You can't change him, and you can't fix him. Period. So don't think you can. I guess maybe it's because i left the "i don't give a ****" impression on him and now i feel like i need to maintain my facade. That's why i can't really talk to him about it. And i guess you're right about the addiction. But i was wondering because a friend of mine (she's 36), she said that sometimes men grow up and get their **** together at a late age, right now he has way too much time for himself, he works from home and i guess he's pretty bored..it's not an excuse though, i know.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vicky321 Posted February 3, 2019 Author Share Posted February 3, 2019 To me it sounds like OP slept with him only once. Remember what you communicated him last is that you didn't want a relationship. So he may be acting on those words. OP you still don't know what you want... Do you want a relationship with a drug addict much older than you? Seems like sex was too good. Remember why you refused to date him. not just once..lol about two months sex is good but you're right, i don't want to go out with a drug addict.. Link to post Share on other sites
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