LoveRookie19 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Hi guys, New to this whole venting my worries online, so go easy on me haha. Hopefully can get some good advice on the following issue. So like so many posts on this site, it starts of with this one girl. I've known her for years and suppose fancied her within that period, but hid that behind just a friendship due to us both being in other commitments. I am now single this past few years and a few months ago reached out to her, out of the blue really, and told her I liked her, that i have for quite a while. Coincidentally she was having her own issues in her relationship and well to this day still seems to be. Since that very message we have been messaging each other literally every day for the past few months. She's looking out of her relationship and from listening to her and reading her views on it, the only thing preventing her is guilt. Letting someone else down and the feeling of selfishness in breaking someone's heart. But she's also told me she really likes me, has liked me from all them years ago, and we be we really let go of the connection we had/have. So our messages are back and forward throughout the day, chats always flowing. And I've found myself get so involved in this that it's hard to kind of sit on the outside and seem like a secondary option. I know that sounds selfish as she's going through her own battle but i know and she know that she'll never really feel any better in the current relationship, and the potential that we both have far outweighs it. Recently the messages have died off a bit, still message but not to the frequency we have been. And overthinkimj this whole thing and the anxiety that comes with it means I'm always thinking the worst. She's told me that she never wants me to think she's just not replying, that she doesnt want me to worry when she doesnt. But i can't help it. I also don't want to approach her and ask because i have to be understanding to the situation. We talk about a future together and obviously it sounds great, and i can't imagine it any differently now. But im afraid she'll message me someday and say it's not for her (even though she told me to never think that) Whats the best for us both here? Link to post Share on other sites
maxi105 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 hi l/r...just a quick one form me. although you are new to this online stuff what you are saying sounds a lot like many posts online, so dont feel bad about that in this case, its all about communication and about the folks that you are dealing with. id say forget all the endless coming and going and ask her one last time if she'd like to go for a date with you and ask her to let you know if she would. try not to worry about whether there is guilt or whatever, and jsut deal for now with the main thing. worrying about what she might or might not say in the future is also pointless for this situation. just ask her and see what she says. dont keep on with this i fancy you stuff if she gives you an answer that is either no, or lets wait. if she says lets wait then you wait a short time...dont put your life on hold forever, wait for 3 months max and if it aint happenin, then look for someone maybe more suited and keep her if you are able to do that without all the emotions as a good friend. its good that you are talking, but dont fall into the trap that i read a lot here online where people are talking for the next few years and not getting the messages, if its going to happen encourage it by asking her and then let it happen naturally. if its meant to be it will. you cant sort out her guilt or issues about letting someone else down, she has to do that for herself and if she wants you then she will do that and be able to find the courage to do that. just ask her and wait to see what she says can offer. if she cant decide yet then there is a chance that she is not ready or you may not be the one really for her etc...GOOD LUCK WITH IT THOUGH....gotta run. maxi Link to post Share on other sites
Fekenaws Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 The only thing you should be using your phone for is to set dates, everything else is fluff and actually hurting your chances of getting together. Ask her on a date (you are allowed to do this twice), if you get any answer besides "Yes" then retract your offer. If she gives you an indirect answer twice then you are in the friend zone, she isn't interested, and you should start searching for another girl Link to post Share on other sites
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