Nokia Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Knowing that she wouldn't stay in his country, said he liked her still, spent a few months with her intimately, was quite nice to her, helped her a lot, shared his daily life, didn't introduce his family in person but took her to their empty homes, keeps in touch after she left, claimed a relationship wouldn't work out due to the distance, is open for any possibility in the future. Such a situation seems toxic to her, but she can't make up her mind. (just in case, he's virgo sun/scorpio rising/aquarius moon) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 He is not a player. A player is liar who was only after a notch on his bed post. This guy is open to a relationship but pragmatic enough to know that the distance is a killer. In this political climate no matter where you are, with immigration being such a polarizing issue, trying to make a relationship work when you need governmental approval is fruitless. She should categorize him as the romantic foreign tryst she had & tuck him away as a beautiful memory. Trying to keep this alive is an exercise in frustration. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 What you just described is a fling. Your stay had an expiration date, you had a mini relationship during that time and it ended not because of incompatibility. If you are unable to reunite rather soon, take it as a good time in your life and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nokia Posted January 17, 2019 Author Share Posted January 17, 2019 He is not a player. A player is liar who was only after a notch on his bed post. This guy is open to a relationship but pragmatic enough to know that the distance is a killer. In this political climate no matter where you are, with immigration being such a polarizing issue, trying to make a relationship work when you need governmental approval is fruitless. She should categorize him as the romantic foreign tryst she had & tuck him away as a beautiful memory. Trying to keep this alive is an exercise in frustration. Thank you:) Could you further advise on how to respond to his frequent friendly contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nokia Posted January 17, 2019 Author Share Posted January 17, 2019 What you just described is a fling. Your stay had an expiration date, you had a mini relationship during that time and it ended not because of incompatibility. If you are unable to reunite rather soon, take it as a good time in your life and move on. Thanks but it's like if both are compatible then he would work for it? Also, how to move on with his constant chats? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I agree that he should be categorised as a holiday romance. Regarding the frequent friendly contact.....what do you WANT to do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Thanks but it's like if both are compatible then he would work for it? Not necessarily. Distance relationships are extremely difficult, and without a clear vision to an end certainly aren't for everyone....no matter how wonderful the romance was. Some people are more pragmatic and others are more romantic. Sounds like he's one and you're the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nokia Posted January 17, 2019 Author Share Posted January 17, 2019 I agree that he should be categorised as a holiday romance. Regarding the frequent friendly contact.....what do you WANT to do about it? It's difficult for me to chat with him like normal friends, and if he'd leave/disappear one day, I'd rather stop the contacts now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nokia Posted January 17, 2019 Author Share Posted January 17, 2019 Not necessarily. Distance relationships are extremely difficult, and without a clear vision to an end certainly aren't for everyone....no matter how wonderful the romance was. Some people are more pragmatic and others are more romantic. Sounds like he's one and you're the other. You're totally right! I'd try to make it work if we ARE in a relationship but I can be pragmatic, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Thanks but it's like if both are compatible then he would work for it? Also, how to move on with his constant chats? Maybe you should be asking him rather than me if he believes it is workable. He probably is not any happier it has ended than you are, but time and reality will end his contact with you or you should just end it yourself. The old saying for this was two ships passing in the night. Meaning two people who are rarely in the same place at the same time who will go there own course. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Could you further advise on how to respond to his frequent friendly contact? Just be friendly back. If you can't handle that because you want more & are frustrated that you can't have an LDR romance, tell him it hurts too much to be in touch, then bow out & stop responding. It all depends on what you want & can handle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nokia Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 Maybe you should be asking him rather than me if he believes it is workable. He probably is not any happier it has ended than you are, but time and reality will end his contact with you or you should just end it yourself. The old saying for this was two ships passing in the night. Meaning two people who are rarely in the same place at the same time who will go there own course. Thank you again, I see your points. Link to post Share on other sites
sabaton Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 Knowing that she wouldn't stay in his country, said he liked her still, spent a few months with her intimately, was quite nice to her, helped her a lot, shared his daily life, didn't introduce his family in person but took her to their empty homes, keeps in touch after she left, claimed a relationship wouldn't work out due to the distance, is open for any possibility in the future. Such a situation seems toxic to her, but she can't make up her mind. (just in case, he's virgo sun/scorpio rising/aquarius moon) There's nothing wrong with a ''player,'' and a man is not a ''player'' just because someone feels that he's ''using'' her. The relationship depicted in this story is not toxic. He was quite nice to her, helped her a lot, shared his daily life. He didn't introduce his family because what's the point of introducing a girlfreind to his family? If a man was to introduce every girlfriend he has his mother would do nothing more in her life other than being introduced to new women. Most relationships that are long-distance do not work. Unless there's talks for relocation in the near-future, the chances of the relationship working out drop massively. This relationship is not toxic. The woman and the woman are just in different places, but they can make it work if they want to. Why doesn't the woman move to his Country to show him that this relationship can work? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nokia Posted January 20, 2019 Author Share Posted January 20, 2019 Just be friendly back. If you can't handle that because you want more & are frustrated that you can't have an LDR romance, tell him it hurts too much to be in touch, then bow out & stop responding. It all depends on what you want & can handle. Thanks now I initiate chats even less frequently. Will not tell him how hurt I feel, but the situation doesn't sadden me that much any more. Link to post Share on other sites
sabaton Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 Thanks now I initiate chats even less frequently. Will not tell him how hurt I feel, but the situation doesn't sadden me that much any more. There will be many more men for you to meet, and from your Country, your own City. There is no point in doing something if it hurts you. It's better if you stop talking to that guy, to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nokia Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) There's nothing wrong with a ''player,'' and a man is not a ''player'' just because someone feels that he's ''using'' her. The relationship depicted in this story is not toxic. He was quite nice to her, helped her a lot, shared his daily life. He didn't introduce his family because what's the point of introducing a girlfreind to his family? If a man was to introduce every girlfriend he has his mother would do nothing more in her life other than being introduced to new women. Most relationships that are long-distance do not work. Unless there's talks for relocation in the near-future, the chances of the relationship working out drop massively. This relationship is not toxic. The woman and the woman are just in different places, but they can make it work if they want to. Why doesn't the woman move to his Country to show him that this relationship can work? Thanks for replying It's totally not easy to move to another country, not to mention he didn't mention that option. He values own space There will be many more men for you to meet, and from your Country, your own City. There is no point in doing something if it hurts you. It's better if you stop talking to that guy, to be honest. I look forward to another man who can make me laugh, just it's not likely to be here Edited January 21, 2019 by Nokia Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 didn't introduce his family in person but took her to their empty homes He actually took you to their homes when they weren't there???? (just in case, he's virgo sun/scorpio rising/aquarius moon)This means nothing. As both of your lives move on in totally separate directions, your 'friendship' will continue to become more and more distant. It's just the way life IS. It's really such a waste of time to try to drag this out as some kind of pseudo long-distance 'romance' when you'll be doing it via text, video chat and email. Such a waste of young life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nokia Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 He actually took you to their homes when they weren't there???? Yes. As both of your lives move on in totally separate directions, your 'friendship' will continue to become more and more distant. It's just the way life IS. It's really such a waste of time to try to drag this out as some kind of pseudo long-distance 'romance' when you'll be doing it via text, video chat and email. Such a waste of young life. He said similar things but until now he's still here. It could be a waste of life, but I don't have other "distractions". Link to post Share on other sites
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