Everything I know is apparently wrong

[sunshine171]

I need some advice.

There’s this girl I like. We both live about an hour away from each other here in Florida.

I so badly want to ask her out. We text every day and have a lot in common. I took her to the movie a few weeks ago.

Here’s my problem. I have been in a few relationships and they were nothing but sh**. I have been bullied, cheated on, dated a narcissist who blamed all her problems on my family friends and myself and can only love herself. And I even dated who I later found out was the towns bimbo.

I’d like to be in a relationship with her. But I can’t get the courage to ask if she’d like to as well. I’ve hinted towards it but she didn’t get the hint.

I’m so insecure when it comes to dating obviously. I want to get the words out, but if this isn’t something she wants, I’d be so embarrassed.

Everything I thought I knew about dating isn’t correct apparently as obviously I suck.

What should I do? I want to move on and find someone else who would want to, but I’m so nervous when it comes to it. Any advice?

[guy45]

Why do you say you suck? You should be more confident about who you are and not let other people decide your self worth.

[sunshine171]

of past experiences. I want to say why do I even bother but part of me thinks the right one is out there, but just can’t get the words to come. And when I think I can the past immediately reminds me of itself.

[d0nnivain]

A couple of things:

 

1. As bad as your EXs were, this woman is not those women. She is a different person. Try to remember that.

 

2. You know what bad looks like. So if you see those red flags walk at the 1st sign of trouble.

 

3. Going to the movies with her was a date. A date is not a lifetime commitment. A date is a scheduled period of time when you get to know somebody. Take the stress out of the word. You care committing to 1-4 hours not forever. So ask her out but don't give your heart away. Go have dinner & talk. Get to know her. Learn what she's all about. If you find out things you don't like, you are under no obligation to have a 2nd date. This 1st date is only about learning whether you want a 2nd. For the 1st month or so one interaction is solely about determining if you want another. Never think / plan more then a month in the future for the 1st 6 months.

 

4. Dial it back with the texting BS. That is no way to run an interaction or get to know somebody. Daily texting with somebody you are not dating is forming a false sense of intimacy & artificially accelerating the pace of your relationship. Dating is different then a relationship. Dating is a single finite event; a relationship is an on-going interaction. All this texting is making you think this is more than it is. Right now absent the dates, it's nothing but you think it's something & that is where you are going wrong so stop with the texting. Spend actual time with her.

[smackie9]

I'm going to agree with #2 there....you don't have anything to worry about if you already know the warning signs.

 

 

You can't live in fear all your life, so get over it and ask the nice lady out on a DATE. She's not going to make a move, she wants you to take the lead like a man does...get on with it.

[Garcon1986]

You are going to have to shore up some of the uncertainty and fear old chap, otherwise you will chase your favourite lady away. The way you do that is to practice.

 

Now you've heard it from both genders

[maxi105]

hi sunshine, if you know you have things in common like a favourite band or style of music or like other stuff, why not say hey ……… is happening whenever it is and ask if she'd be interested in going sometime.

 

that way you'll enjoy whatever it is your going to see, it'll take some of the nervousness out of it, and you guys can talk about what was good about the night itself, rather than focussing too heavily on what your going to say or do too much.

 

the thing you go to will be the entertainment for you both and hopefully should take the stress out and calm your anxieties a bit and you can show her a more relaxed, fun self (which is more attractive anyway). I think it will also feel quite exciting to look forward to something you enjoy; and especially if she wants to go with you.

 

maybe even if she doesn't want to go, go anyway, and then you have a chance to tell her if the night was a good one how good it was, and you never know, if it is something she likes too, she may let you know she would like to maybe go in the future or next time whatever.

 

look to the good things you have already here, you talk a lot to her and you have already taken her to the movies. ask again about something you guys both like to do and hopefully she will say yes.

 

im sure she has some idea that you like her anyway! so if you are too shy to ask her, text her. it'll save your worry and you can (if she rejects you) you can deal with it without having her see you feel it.

 

 

good luck, you are over half way on this one, so go for it . maxi.

[preraph]

It's far too premature to say you want a relationship or whatever. You're only barely just starting to date. All you should do is keep going on dates and get to know her. No matter how many texts, you don't know someone until you have a lot of face time and a lot of time passes, like at least a year of seeing each other. You're getting ahead of yourself and will just scare her off because she'll know you don't really even know her and mark you down for bad judgment jumping in with someone you barely have spent time with. Too soon.