nostyle Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 This female coworker has been bantering and nagging me since we get acquainted. We are in different departments in the company and we never have any connection in work related stuff. I mean, NEVER. I am confused because I get this mixed signal from her. She is very extravert. My work and I am more quiet. But she is always making fun of me in front of people. But she will offer me food at lunch when we eat out and take some of my food to her plate too. Like a food exchange if we order different food. She will also order a pizza online and share together with me only. Sometimes She will come to me and borrow money from me and then pay for my lunch later when we go out to have lunch together. But most of the time we are having lunch with other coworkers in her team, who are also my friends. At lunch time she will just text me or come to my office to get me for lunch. She used to ask me to make her coffee everyday and bring to her, but I did that for only a couple of times and then told her I will not do that again, but she can go out to buy coffee together if she wants. Sometimes she complies, but not always. And she will make fun of me in front of other coworkers if I tell her I will get her coffee on my way back to the office. Like literary bragging about how I offer her help to get her coffee but she declined. There was one time earlier she invited a male coworker in her team to drink in the bar and came to my desk to told me I was not invited. I was super annoyed but I acted like "no big deal". And I joked about that the next day to another female worker in front of her. She gave a lot of explanation and started complimenting me, which I feel no sincerity in it. She really likes touching my shoulders. I have also tested that if I touch her shoulder too she will touch me back later. I am not sure if she does that to other people too because most guys in my company are married or have girl friends. Whenever I refused to do something she asks me to do or act unhappy she will start the compliment mode towards me. But most of the time she will in her bully mode. Like if I refuse to bring her coffee she will come back the next day complimenting my hair and telling me I am her favourite person in the whole office. As usually, I don't take that seriously. We have done a lot of back of forth things sometimes it's fun but sometimes I think it's so childish. She will constantly make mountains out of molehills. Like picking up very small and uninteresting things I have said or done and tell our close friends in the office. She's never called me her friend though. She always says she likes everyone else but just doesn't like me, in a joking manner. There are so many mixed signals that I can’t tell if she is sincere or not. I am afraid if I move forwards and act something stupid she might tell everyone about that. I want to ask her out with a group of people but I just arrive in this place and don't have any friend. Is it hard to change this situation? Should I just ignore her or should I ask her out quickly? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 ANNOYING FEMALE CO-WORKER should I ask her out quickly? -- Given the first highlighted statement, I don't understand this highlighted question. If she's annoying now, she's going to be annoying if you date her . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 I don't see mixed signals here .. I think she's just super friendly and talkative and loves touching people ... maybe flirting. Have any of your coworkers said to you, "What's going on between you and her?" If you're having trouble reading signals, often others will notice romantic energy. I think she's just playful and talkative. Not a put-down to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nostyle Posted November 2, 2018 Author Share Posted November 2, 2018 ANNOYING FEMALE CO-WORKER should I ask her out quickly? -- Given the first highlighted statement, I don't understand this highlighted question. If she's annoying now, she's going to be annoying if you date her . . . Sorry maybe I should rephrase my question. English is not my first language. She is annoying at first because I didn't want to have romance with a coworker but then I think maybe she is interested in me to some extent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nostyle Posted November 2, 2018 Author Share Posted November 2, 2018 I don't see mixed signals here .. I think she's just super friendly and talkative and loves touching people ... maybe flirting. Have any of your coworkers said to you, "What's going on between you and her?" If you're having trouble reading signals, often others will notice romantic energy. I think she's just playful and talkative. Not a put-down to you. Yes some coworkers are saying things like that and they complained she's being rude to me in front of so many coworkers. A coworker even asked her in front of me when did she turn on her bully mode, she just answer directly "when she sees me". Usually she is friendly to all other coworkers, maybe sometimes she makes some very light friendly jokes to others or gives other people nicknames. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 Sorry maybe I should rephrase my question. English is not my first language. She is annoying at first because I didn't want to have romance with a coworker but then I think maybe she is interested in me to some extent. I didn't want to have romance with a coworker -- So stick to that conviction. I am not an advocate of office romances. They rarely go the way anyone hopes they will and when they don't, the parties have bigger issues to deal with that may compromise their job or working environment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 She’s very childish... asking you to make her coffee? Telling you you’re not invited? Borrowing money? Just no. Sounds like she’s just looking for attention. I wouldn’t bite if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 She's very passive aggressive, and if she does like you she has a weird way of showing it. Kinda like kids in a playground, when a boy that likes a girl punches her on the arm and runs away. Maybe she has trouble dealing with these feelings for you and doesn't know how to act around you...out of nervousness. Now if your coworkers are complaining about her behavior, maybe you need to step up and talk to your HR rep or her supervisor/boss. Either that of she is looking for some spankings lol....someone to dominate her....you know play her game. Link to post Share on other sites
Jet8419 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 There are so many mixed signals that I can’t tell if she is sincere or not. I am afraid if I move forwards and act something stupid she might tell everyone about that. I want to ask her out with a group of people but I just arrive in this place and don't have any friend. Is it hard to change this situation? Should I just ignore her or should I ask her out quickly? How old are you and her? She sounds very immature and her actions aren’t sending you any mixed signals - she’s just being controlling. Her behaviour sounds very typical of girls from a particular Asian country (not being racist here, just saying I have come across girls like this and they all happen to be from this particular country) which would be perceived as inappropriate in Western culture but acceptable to them back home. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Yes some coworkers are saying things like that and they complained she's being rude to me in front of so many coworkers. A coworker even asked her in front of me when did she turn on her bully mode, she just answer directly "when she sees me". Usually she is friendly to all other coworkers, maybe sometimes she makes some very light friendly jokes to others or gives other people nicknames. Not sue how you are reading this but others are seeing disrespect. Politely decline any further interaction. Unless you're that desperate for attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nostyle Posted November 5, 2018 Author Share Posted November 5, 2018 (edited) How old are you and her? She sounds very immature and her actions aren’t sending you any mixed signals - she’s just being controlling. Her behaviour sounds very typical of girls from a particular Asian country (not being racist here, just saying I have come across girls like this and they all happen to be from this particular country) which would be perceived as inappropriate in Western culture but acceptable to them back home. We are in our 30s. And she was born and grown up in the US and had lived all her life in the US. Edited November 5, 2018 by nostyle Link to post Share on other sites
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