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separated and wife wants to be fwb


changingmale

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Hi first post here. I am separated and wife wants to be fwb and i dont understand it. Married for 16 yrs and marriage failed bc of me and both out faults. Before i left she said something about fwb and was shocked and then shortly after i moved out she sent me a mess talking about it. She lost her sex drive bc of meds. She got her drive back and sent me a mess asking if i wanted to and we did. Want to again soon. I do want to get back with my wife and she says no(so far). Just wondering are you a fwb with a ex and how has it turned out? We both dont want to find someone new bc of all the getting to know exposing the pain trusting them telling secrets all that stuff and we both need to heal and also bc i love my wife and for me would not be fair to anyone. Wife told me to date and if i did she would stop the fwb thanks

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It's pretty common for people to want to continue to sleep with their ex. This is mostly because they are familiar and you still find them sexy/enjoy the sex, but you know that it won't work out being more than that. It's up to you whether you want to do this or not, but don't hold out hope that you will get back together. I can't speak for you but your wife just wants to sex you and nothing more, until she finds someone else to sex.

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You're still married so why not... now might be the time to experiment with all things that have been a fantasy and even for her.

 

I don't think it is really all that healthy for the spouse wanting to move on and stop hurting from the breakup but what the hay..

 

Still married and want each other for sex.. go at it I say....

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As long as you are more interested in her than dating other women, but just know that no other woman is going to stay with you once they realize you're still sleeping with your wife or ex, so by the time she "leaves" like she has promised to do, it will be after she's already run off the new one. So I'd be deciding whether you want to be truly single or not. No new woman will stick with you while you're friendly and more to your ex.

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As long as you are more interested in her than dating other women, but just know that no other woman is going to stay with you once they realize you're still sleeping with your wife or ex, so by the time she "leaves" like she has promised to do, it will be after she's already run off the new one. So I'd be deciding whether you want to be truly single or not. No new woman will stick with you while you're friendly and more to your ex.

I am not wanting to date and not looking to date. I need to heal and maybe by having sex may delay the healing or hopeful wishing may help with us getting back together. Maybe i will get hurt more i dont know, As for now i am praying to God for her and i to heal and to get back together if it is His will

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It's pretty common for people to want to continue to sleep with their ex. This is mostly because they are familiar and you still find them sexy/enjoy the sex, but you know that it won't work out being more than that. It's up to you whether you want to do this or not, but don't hold out hope that you will get back together. I can't speak for you but your wife just wants to sex you and nothing more, until she finds someone else to sex.

She said she is done with relationships and getting to know guys and everything that goes with it and some other things

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I am not wanting to date and not looking to date. I need to heal and maybe by having sex may delay the healing or hopeful wishing may help with us getting back together. Maybe i will get hurt more i dont know, As for now i am praying to God for her and i to heal and to get back together if it is His will

 

Does she know that you want to get back together? For her to suggest that you continue having sex, if she does not want to get back together but knows that you have the hope of reconcilliation, is cruel.

 

There would be no way that I would be able to heal and move on from my marriage if I continued to have sex with my ex. But then again, it doesn't sound like that is your goal...

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Does she know that you want to get back together? For her to suggest that you continue having sex, if she does not want to get back together but knows that you have the hope of reconcilliation, is cruel.

 

There would be no way that I would be able to heal and move on from my marriage if I continued to have sex with my ex. But then again, it doesn't sound like that is your goal...

Yes she knows i want to make our marriage work and get back together

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I think that's more common than not. In my 3 past breakups, there was a FWB period, usually about a quarter of the duration of the relationship. So for your 16 years, I'd give it 4 years fwb estimate lol.

 

Nothing bad came out of my own situations. I think it just softened the break and made the transition more natural. It didn't rekindle 'feelings' but the sex was good, and I don't regret one bit of it.

 

 

Hi first post here. I am separated and wife wants to be fwb and i dont understand it. Married for 16 yrs and marriage failed bc of me and both out faults. Before i left she said something about fwb and was shocked and then shortly after i moved out she sent me a mess talking about it. She lost her sex drive bc of meds. She got her drive back and sent me a mess asking if i wanted to and we did. Want to again soon. I do want to get back with my wife and she says no(so far). Just wondering are you a fwb with a ex and how has it turned out? We both dont want to find someone new bc of all the getting to know exposing the pain trusting them telling secrets all that stuff and we both need to heal and also bc i love my wife and for me would not be fair to anyone. Wife told me to date and if i did she would stop the fwb thanks
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In this situation its not good for you. Your wife doesn't want to be in a relationship, but wants a active sex life. The problem is you want more.

 

Likely outcome if you continue down the path, she will eventually find someone else and cut you off.

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In this situation its not good for you. Your wife doesn't want to be in a relationship, but wants a active sex life. The problem is you want more.

 

Likely outcome if you continue down the path, she will eventually find someone else and cut you off.

 

I think this is right. I’d guess she’s looked around and hasn’t found anything she liked, so instead of random hookups, she’d rather get her fix with someone she knows and is comfortable with. But she probably sees you as a temp, that can be replaced if something permanent comes along. Nothing wrong with that situation if you are ok with it, but I think it would be foolish to think it will result in you getting your marriage back. I think it’s pretty clear that’s not her angle. Given what you’ve said, I think playing along with this would just set you up for disappointment.

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I think this is right. I’d guess she’s looked around and hasn’t found anything she liked, so instead of random hookups, she’d rather get her fix with someone she knows and is comfortable with. But she probably sees you as a temp, that can be replaced if something permanent comes along. Nothing wrong with that situation if you are ok with it, but I think it would be foolish to think it will result in you getting your marriage back. I think it’s pretty clear that’s not her angle. Given what you’ve said, I think playing along with this would just set you up for disappointment.

I dont think she has "looked around". With her being a mother,stay at home mom, home schooling and a online job. She does not want to get to know a guy and talk get to know etc and then there are STD'S and she does not want a relationship and the sex was/is great with us. Like i said her sex drive was gone and just has come back so maybe she thinks it could go away again and if she meets a guy and then it goes away what will she do and if he tries something bc of the break up

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I love my wife and yes i do want to be with my wife as husband and wife. I want to help her heal. I want us to be a true Christian married couple and kids also. I have gotten closure to God since the separation and if/when the divorce happens i told her the sex is over. She has said many times before and a few times after the separation i am her best lover and she is mine. We had problems (did not talk enough, have alone time etc and both of our faults) and i was not there for her when she got depression i thought give her space. My fault and a big mistake and i have told her this and some other things. Before she said she did not want to do anything with me beside sex and later on hope to be friends and maybe even fwb. She came over the other week to help me with a problem i had online and we talked and i said i am sorry and explained or tried to the things i did that hurt us. we both was hungrey and i asked if wanted to eat and she said can some other time. So that is a start. I have read some books seen stuff online about the things i did that hurt her and us and i am truly sorry for all of this

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Just bang her, man! Don't be too mushy and apologetic either. Just be a good husband and a good person/dad. It doesn't have to be said, some things are more effective when done, rather than said. She will come around if your actions are consistent.

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Fwb arrangement work best when neither is emotionally involved, so when it ends, which it inevitably does, neither gets hurt.

Fwb arrangements where one is uncommitted and the other wants "more", tends to make one happy and the other very unhappy as the "relationship" never develops past a superficial level.

 

Sounds like the OP here wants his marriage back and whilst this fwb arrangement maybe not an ideal situation they are at least talking and having nice times together so it may work.

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If she doesn't want to get back together and she just wants sex from you then she just wants to use you. This will just prolong your agony. I'd give her a choice, you either want or marriage or not.

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Thanks everyone. We been together 1 time so far and it was one of the best times and if married would have i say the best if not the best you know missing the love feeling so to say. I was trying to show her what could be like and how i could be. I most of the time pleased her and made her orgasm many times she is multi orgasmic. I guess have to wait and see what happens. If we divorce it will stop

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