Mixed Messages Galore!!

[Julesrenae]

Hello all!

 

I've known this guy for a while now and I'm just a little confused, so here goes.

 

We met in 10th grade where he sat in front of me in chemistry. Over the year we became pretty decent friends. Never really hung out outside of school, but that's okay. Next year, we were in a school club together. I was the only girl (you know those science clubs sometimes) and he'd bring me home after and we started to hang out more. I'm pretty sure he flirted with me during this time, but I am THE MOST clueless person when it comes to flirting. (I'm currently 20 and have still never kissed someone.) He'd be over for dinner or something probably once every two weeks or so. And then... he got busy. Always had something else to do. But then again, so did I. Our paths kinda diverged for a while, and then I ran into him one day at a local restaurant. He gave me a hug, asked me what I was up to, I did the same. We were both in college at this point and blah blah blah. We texted for a while, then I stopped getting responses so I stopped texting. Then I commented on facebook like two years later and he starts texting me again. Over winter break I hung out with him quite a bit. Now it's the fall after that and we've snapchatted almost every day since then, but we live in different cities. He works in construction, so he's always working weird hours and never knows when he'll be called in on weekends and whatnot. We've gone on a couple occasions on what I'd consider a date, but I legit have no clue if he sees it the same way. I don't make friends super easy, so I don't want to straight up ask because that might make things weird and I don't want to lose my friend. There are things he says or does that make me think he might be interested and then other times... not so much. On the interested side: Will fight a guy for me (I was getting dick pics and he said he'd make sure the guy stopped); Tickled me until I can't breathe; Has called me cute/smart/kind/nice things before(but not often); teases me often; said he'd give me a hug if he were here (I have a bubble. There are 4 people in the world I will hug and he's one of them); was super super proud of popping my space bubble; has cuddled during a movie a couple times; sat on my lap once; pulled me into his lap once. But then again: I almost always text first; I invite him over for dinner and stuff when I'm in town but he always seems busy; It's been almost 9 months since I've seen him in person and I was home all summer; has gotten super close to kissing me but I can't bring myself to do it first and he won't just kiss me. I guess what I'm asking is am I seeing something that isn't there? Are these just things that some guys kinda do without thinking? I'm not sure if I'd do anything about it, I just want to know if he's genuinely interested. (Also I'm pretty shy, so my lacking return flirting or inability to take the first step may be keeping us in limbo)

 

TL,DR: Known a guy for years but don't know if I've been friendzoned or if he thinks he's been friendzoned or if we're both just circling around each other like damn wolves because no one wants to take the first step.

 

I appreciate you guys who have made it to the bottom here! Thanks!

[preraph]

Well, there's been enough physical contact to assume he's noticed you're a woman. Plus chivalry. Thing is, he might have come to think of you as more sisterly, but maybe not. But anyway, this is within your power to try to change without really putting yourself on the line. Here's how:

 

Wear a low-cut blouse. Next time you see him, wear a plunging neckline, a scoop neck preferably, which shows lots of acreage, and just let him think on that overnight. If he was thinking of you sisterly, it may take him a moment to adjust and think things through. And then do it again the next time you see him just so he doesn't start telling himself he imagined it -- I mean, them.

 

If you have been dressing with baggy clothing or boyish, stop it when you're around him, just in general. Make him see you as a woman. Girly shoes would be nice. I think you might be able to spin this one around, and I don't say that often.

[Julesrenae]

I appreciate the advice! You're right. I'm a geology major, so I'm generically running around in field pants and a fishing shirt or maybe baggy jeans or yoga pants and a t-shirt. As far as cleavage goes... I definitely have plenty but it's something I'm very self conscious about. I have no idea what guys see in boobs. Either way, I've worn v-necks with a tanktop underneath in the past, and those show a fair amount of cleavage when one has a chest the size of mine. Thing is, I like him, but I don't want to be some girl he bangs to get it out of his system and then moves on. Long distance stuff is hard. And while I think we both like each other to some degree, I'm not sure it's enough... Either way. Thank you for the input. I will definitely bear it in mind.

[nospam99]

I'm old enough to be (both) your grandfather NOW. But at that age, I would have so appreciated it if a girl/woman had just talked to me to say she had some romantic interest in me and to ask me if it was reciprocal. You know this 'young man' for what? four or five years? I would think that you know his character well enough to know whether he'd be a gentleman about that conversation. (I'm a total fanboy for 'young love' and happy endings.)

[preraph]

I appreciate the advice! You're right. I'm a geology major, so I'm generically running around in field pants and a fishing shirt or maybe baggy jeans or yoga pants and a t-shirt. As far as cleavage goes... I definitely have plenty but it's something I'm very self conscious about. I have no idea what guys see in boobs. Either way, I've worn v-necks with a tanktop underneath in the past, and those show a fair amount of cleavage when one has a chest the size of mine. Thing is, I like him, but I don't want to be some girl he bangs to get it out of his system and then moves on. Long distance stuff is hard. And while I think we both like each other to some degree, I'm not sure it's enough... Either way. Thank you for the input. I will definitely bear it in mind.

 

He's not going to just bang you. He likes you. Stop wearing anything baggy around him. Men hate baggy. They want to see your waist. Some don't care, but a lot would prefer to see women in more feminine clothes and see their curves at a minimum. If you were to put on a scoop neck dress or v-neck since you're abundant, it would wake him up.

[Julesrenae]

Oh God. A dress... A dress? With cleavage? He wouldn't even recognize me I don't think... I mean I sometimes dress nice and wear makeup and stuff, but I was wearing jeans one time when we went to the movies, and as soon as we got back to his place, he asked if i wanted sweatpants to change into. I don't even know anymore. lol. Another time, he basically soaked me with the kitchen sink sprayer and offered me clothes to change into. Why wear nice clothes when all he does is tell me to change them?

[Julesrenae]

I would have so appreciated it if a girl/woman had just talked to me to say she had some romantic interest in me and to ask me if it was reciprocal.

 

I definitely am trying to work up the courage. But the couple of years we didn't talk much, I still thought about him all the time. I don't want to go back to the no talking thing. I like him. He's funny and happy and makes my days better. I don't want to lose that.