healthyhopes Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 I met a guy last year. We texted on and off but never hung out as we were both extremely busy and had other things to do. We recently re-connected this year (he initated the convo, said he thought I was really cool, and that he had been hesitant to meet up because he would like me too much ????), and he initiated hanging out. One thing lead to another and we hooked up.... And now he's gone cold. Now, I still see him as a friend and try to talk to him. He said he still sees me as a friend too and was eager to say this. Often, a conversation goes on for a little bit and then he abruptly ends it (for instance, I will ask him how tests are going and he just won't reply. or rather, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't). He *is* really busy, but he hasn't started a conversation with me for a long time. Ideally, I would like to keep hooking up with him, but I also feel like I lost a friend. I don't know what went wrong, because he initiated the hookup in the first place. In every conversation I feel like I just end up looking like the desperate doormat because I initiated it or he ended it, when really I just want to talk... I guess this is just one of those guy things where they flatter you before they hook up with you and don't really care. I'm not sure why I care. I guess it's a kind of rejection thing.... I don't like the feeling of any of this. I guess I miss the "power" I had before I lost my virginity (note: didn't lose it to him). Really I always thought he was cool and was happy to have the chance to hang out with him more, with the added bonus of sex. Please don't be mean to me saying I shouldn't have put out because now i'm [antiquated 50's women shouldn't like having sex because it's dirty or wrong and it makes them dirty or wrong opinion]. I don't know him well enough for a relationship or anything. I just thought he was cool to talk to ... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 You enjoyed your time together & that counts for a lot. Unfortunately, this is a guy who only wants things when they are easy & convenient for him. He wants no part of a relationship -- hence his disclaimer about not wanting to meet for fear that he'd like you too much. He was happy to talk & have sex when he wanted but now even though all you want is to continue the friendship & maybe hook up a time or two that is too much pressure for him. He's just too self involved to be good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 You didn't lose a friend as he was never really a friend. He thought you were attractive and wanted a hook up. You guys hooked up, both enjoyed it but he doesn't want anything more including more hook ups it seems. I would just move on as he is doing if I were you. There are many more guys out there to explore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Is this the same guy you've been talking about here for months? How is therapy going for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author healthyhopes Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 Nope, completely different!! I thought this one was a lot more genuine but I guess I was wrong Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Find other friends. It's not good for your own mental health to chase someone who isn't interested, let alone someone who doesn't reply back. Empower yourself by stopping all contact and focus on real friends who respect you and enjoy your company. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Unfortunately, even though he said "just friends," he doesn't really want to be friends. It's become awkward. the same way you can tell if a guy is really crushing on you, he can tell you are wanting more. So that became awkward for him, and telling him you'll settle for friendship will only make you, as you kind of pointed out, look more crushing and more desperate. I'm afraid this guy is over. This happens to everyone at some point. He cleared out because he doesn't want to move forward. He doesn't want to be real friends because he knows you will just end up getting hurt because he knows it's not going to happen. I'm sorry. Better luck next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I met a guy last year. We texted on and off but never hung out as we were both extremely busy and had other things to do. We recently re-connected this year (he initated the convo, said he thought I was really cool, and that he had been hesitant to meet up because he would like me too much ????), and he initiated hanging out. One thing lead to another and we hooked up.... And now he's gone cold. Now, I still see him as a friend and try to talk to him. He said he still sees me as a friend too and was eager to say this. Often, a conversation goes on for a little bit and then he abruptly ends it (for instance, I will ask him how tests are going and he just won't reply. or rather, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't). He *is* really busy, but he hasn't started a conversation with me for a long time. Ideally, I would like to keep hooking up with him, but I also feel like I lost a friend. I don't know what went wrong, because he initiated the hookup in the first place. In every conversation I feel like I just end up looking like the desperate doormat because I initiated it or he ended it, when really I just want to talk... I guess this is just one of those guy things where they flatter you before they hook up with you and don't really care. I'm not sure why I care. I guess it's a kind of rejection thing.... I don't like the feeling of any of this. I guess I miss the "power" I had before I lost my virginity (note: didn't lose it to him). Really I always thought he was cool and was happy to have the chance to hang out with him more, with the added bonus of sex. Please don't be mean to me saying I shouldn't have put out because now i'm [antiquated 50's women shouldn't like having sex because it's dirty or wrong and it makes them dirty or wrong opinion]. I don't know him well enough for a relationship or anything. I just thought he was cool to talk to ... Sorry this is happening to you. I'm not judge-y on the sex BUT if you decide to have it commit to the fact that this is one of the things that can happen and now you are all backed into a corner. Where you would be fine be friends but you lost that and you just don't like how it makes you feel. I think it's less of a antiquated 50's thing than just a smart thing if you don't want to take that much of a risk at feeling this low. I'm only saying it so at least if you do it for sex reasons alone next time you will be prepared for something like this as a possible outcome. About this guy, moving on is the best thing you can do to make yourself feel better. In cases where you see him, rise above and act mature and cordial. Open your heart up for other people and if you want something more from them sometimes it helps to hold back on the physical. It's a total double standard since guys participate too but a lot of them get very judge-y on the girls they can get easy (that means in all ways but sometimes they assess that by the sex part). Not all guys--i definitely have friends who are still with guys they hooked up with the first night but i'd say that is the smaller percentage and unfortunately no one can have a crystal ball into what their brain will do. Anyway, i don't think it was just the fact that you guys hooked up--maybe he's not into a relationship now or into some other girl or likes you but not a lot. Hang in there and hold out for guys who like you A LOT. This has a tendency to make you feel way better than one who is hot and cold. I'm sorry that you feel bad and hope you feel better soon good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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