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I would like his friendship to be more


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 29th January 2018, 11:10 PM   #1
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I would like his friendship to be more

About six months ago I met a guy through some mutual friends. We have since become very close friends. I think he is wonderful. Smart, handsome, hardworking. The problem is that I would like to be more than friends and I don't know how he feels.

We often go out just the two of us to see movies or get food or just hang out. Usually he offers to pay or will buy me small gifts and they feel like dates, but we've never discussed if they are friendly outings or more.

He did date a girl for about a month and I barely saw any of him during that time. That relationship has since ended and we are back to where we were in the beginning. We have been each others confidant on our struggles in life and he is very easy to talk to.

I would love to try a relationship with him, but I don't know how or even if I should bring that up to him. I know that I will not gain anything if I do not go after what I want. As awful as rejection would be, that isn't my real fear. I would understand if he doesn't feel the same way and wants to continue as we are. What I'm truly afraid of is that telling him how I feel will scare him off. I value his friendship more than anything and I don't want to mess that up.

I always thought that by the time I was in my late twenties I would have more courage and have these relationship things figured out. He makes me feel like an idiotic sixteen year old again!
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Old 30th January 2018, 2:22 AM   #2
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Invite him over to your place for a home cooked meal (just the two of you) and tell him how you feel.

Maybe he thought you were out of his "dating" league and was afraid to ask you for the same reason you have.

I say "Go for it"!!
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Old 30th January 2018, 5:42 PM   #3
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A few questions -

Is there any activity between the two of you that would indicate interest in being more than friends? Meaning, do you touch each other a lot, flirt with each other, sit close together?

What do you do when you say goodnight to each other? Hugs? Kisses?

If I'm interested in someone, I will let them know at first through touching them and flirting with them mildly, see where it goes, then up the ante as things progress. Has any of that happened with you two? If not, why not?

I'd try flirting and gauge his reactions. If he's receptive, keep upping the ante until he gets the message. If he doesn't for some reason, then I'd just flat out tell him you're interested in being more than friends and see what he says.

You've known him for a while, right? So if he's been spending this much time with you, it's unlikely that would scare him off.
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Old 30th January 2018, 6:15 PM   #4
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Honestly, it's pretty easy as a woman to find out if he wants to be physical with you, but I will caution you that if he does and he hasn't, that tells you something about him, doesn't it? Like maybe he's not very assertive and confident. So be careful what you wish for because him taking you up on it won't transform him into a different person.

That said, all you have to do is put your hand on his back or his arm or his knee, and if he's interested, this will give him permission to touch you back. Yes, it's that simple.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 11:30 PM   #5
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Just ask him directly: “So, are you interested in seeing where this goes, or do you want to keep it friends only?”

Then proceed from there. Honestly though, I gotta agree with preraph — I would find it pretty tough to respect a guy who was acting so weasly around me if he was interested in me romantically. I would see him as being rather meek and weak .
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Old 13th February 2018, 2:20 AM   #6
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Update! I finally told him tonight that I was interested in being more than friends, but would completely respect his decision (and our friendship) if he didn't reciprocate.

I didn't quite get the answer I wanted, but I still feel really good about everything. He essentially said that he had considered the prospect of us being a couple before, but he isn't sure if he is currently ready for a relationship. He had a pretty awful experience with the last girl he really liked (the one I mentioned in my earlier post.) He is also going back to school full time so he 's not sure he has the time that a relationship deserves. He asked me to give him some time to think about his answer. So everything is still a "maybe."

Honestly, even if he just said all that to let me down gently and he never brings it up again, I still feel really proud of myself for saying something. I put it all out in the open and made my intentions clear. I've done what I can and I feel good about that.
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Old 14th February 2018, 1:40 AM   #7
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Kitgal421 - That's the attidue! Be proud that you at least put yourself out there.
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Old 14th February 2018, 1:56 AM   #8
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Now my questions to you are, how deep are your feelings for him? Can you handle 'just' a friendship with him? Will you feel jealous or hurt if he dates someone else in the future?
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Old 15th February 2018, 6:18 PM   #9
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Kitgal... how old are you? FWIW, if this guy is interested in you, you just need to give the guy a clear signal of interest without trying to corner him into a "relationship". Just by getting close to him and touching his arm might be all you need to do. Most guys will respond right away and make their move. Doesn't sound like he really is that into you... maybe time to look around. Sorry.
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