Why does he avoid me like the plague? How do I win him over?

[teedegg]

So there’s a guy. Let’s call him “G”. G is about 2 years younger than me. Our parents are best friends and we basically grew up around each other as kids. Recently, we started working at the same company.

 

Now, I hadn’t seen G for quite some time until I started working at this company. When we pass by each other in the halls, or have free time, we make small talk and tell one another about our day. He always greets me with warmth and friendliness and always seems eager to tell me about his life.

 

After working together for a while, I began having feelings for this guy. However, I’ve noticed that he avoids any attempt I make to hang out outside of work. Even when I asked if he wanted to commute home together (we live around the same area), he told me that he now takes the longer route home so he can “hang out with his friends” and thus couldn’t commute with me. In addition, at my family’s Christmas party last month, it seemed he was more interested in his phone than he was with me. He also never likes my posts on social media (despite always liking the posts of his other female co-workers).

 

A bit of other background info:

- He’s about two years younger than me (I wonder if he’ll ever be able to see me as a potential partner as a result).

- I’m socially awkward and sometimes I can be very boring in conversations (especially when I’m nervous) and I’ve wondered if that’s why he avoids me. LOL.

 

Why does he avoid me like the plague? How do I gain this guy’s attraction? Is it even possible.

[anna121]

Perhaps he senses that you like him, and doesn't want to give you the wrong impression.

 

He could also be put off by the fact that your parents are friends.

 

Or, he finds you a bit boring, as you describe yourself.

 

I'd stop going after him in any way. Be friendly, but don't let him go on and on about his life. Act like you have better things to do and more important stuff going on. He may get intrigued after a while. Right now, there is no mystery.

 

Most importantly, work on your social awkwardness. Being a boring conversationalist is a killer if you want to attract interesting people as friends. Maybe join a group where you will be forced to talk and interact. Hang out with your friends more, or make new ones.

 

Good luck.

[Whodatdog]

He isnt interested in you. You've been aquainted with each other a long time; if he had any interest, you would know.

[d0nnivain]

He doesn't avoid you like the plague. He's polite & professional but is clearly saying he's not interested in pursuing anything other than cordiality. Before you mess up work for you both give him a wide berth. If one of you changes jobs you can try again but for now back off. If you don't he may try to get HR involved because you are pestering him.

 

If you are really serious about this, do make sure to look your best & ask your mom to put in a good word with his mom or arrange something for all of you to do outside of work but again be very cautious because that could easily backfire.

[stillafool]

He is avoiding you because he doesn't want to lead you on. He is not interested and is probably interested in someone else and that's why he was clued to his phone during Christmas. You can't win him over.

[LilySun]

Since you grew up together, he may see you as more like family than as a love interest. Even though you suggested commuting together he probably has no clue you feel this way. 2 years age difference doesn't mean anything to most people. He doesn't really sound interested though so might as well keep things peaceful in the work and family environments and don't try pushing for anything further.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I know it hurts to hear that someone you are interested in doesn't feel the same way, but like the other posters, I agree that he doesn't sound romantically interested, and doesn't want to give you the wrong idea.

 

Perhaps it will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Imagine dating someone, having an ugly breakup and then having to see them at work all the time or potentially at your parents house or social gatherings. It would be awful.

 

If it starts to make you feel bad seeing him give other women attention on social media, perhaps unfollow him for a while, until it no longer bothers you.

 

Most importantly, don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sure when you meet a guy you click with, the conversations will feel more comfortable and flow naturally for you.

[preraph]

You can't make someone want you and the harder you try, the more desperate you will look and the further you will push them away. He knows you are crushing on him and is holding you at arm's length. For all the reasons you listed, he is not interested and never will be. You need to find someone else to focus on, someone not at work, preferably. Meanwhile, work on yourself. If you need to take some classes or therapy to get less socially awkward, do it. To get more interesting, find new activities on an ongoing basis, new interests, and get out of the house to do them. Read so you're up on national and local news. Notice I didn't say "watch" because there's too much misinformation on dedicated news channels. But read a good newspaper once a week or something like that, plus a variety of different books to expand yourself. Anyone can be interesting, but only if they are doing things to expand themselves. Good luck.