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Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 10th December 2017, 7:16 PM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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all in questionmarks

Hello everybody.

At first - sorry for mistakes, english is not my language and i'm still in learning mode
anyway - as probably most here - I have a case I totally don't get!

There is a guy, we didn't seen for about 15 years (quite long, huh...). He was from other town and we had common friends - we were meeting at some parties,festivals,NYE, etc... We always liked each other, somehow enjoy each other companies but we were not close friends. Maybe once or twice we kissed, but always after alcohol, and well... we were young (about 20's). Last time we met it was some NYE and we slept together - some make out, but not literally sex and to be honest I'd forgot about it (not about the person)

About two weeks ago I was in his town and call to our common friend for coffee or beer. Two of them came for meeting. We grab some drinks and talk for hours (well - 15 years is quite lot to discuss). In the meantime I'd hug this guy few times (I'm a huggy person and when I like somebody i just have to). Many times he was mentioning our previous meetings, including last one (with some details). In one moment he hold my hand and almost didn't let go for the rest of the time.

Later I'd told him that I'm sorry that he is married (horrible, i know, but honestly he became wonderful man, and if he would be single i would flirt with him or even more). He was hugging me a lot, gave me his jacket (it was cold)but I gave it back. When two of them bring me to the bus stop he hugged me very tight and kissed my forehead. I asked him not to do this, but he was surprised why. He was hugging me all the time we were at the bus stop and saying things like "I don't want you to disappear", "and now what, you will go back and we will never see each other", he even asks our friend could we all go to his place to stay longer. Anyway the bus came.

When I'd enter I'd turn back and he was there in front of the doors asking me to go out. Literally I'd started to cry. Bus closed the doors and I went to the hotel. Right after i texted him that I'm very sorry and that i hope we will meet sooner than in next 15 years. No answer. After two days I text again something like "or you are angry, sick or you lost your phone". No response. Because I had to go again to his town I wrote in tuesday "I'll be there at the weekend, maybe some coffee or lunch?", he answer "there is plenty of time till weekend" and quiet after that. I didn't went after all but he didn't contact. I have to go there this weekend and don't know should i tr to contact him again?

And now I'm all in question marks. i'm interested in him but not, or rather not only, romantically (I mean if he would be single- why not, but still he is married). And would like to ask WTH was that. Only alcohol and need for sex? Emotions because we didn't seen for so long time? Or what? I know that for many people it seems I was flirting with him, but honestly I wasn't (at least I didn't have in my mind such thoughts). maybe I should leave it totally, but... well, I have other friends with whom i had "situations" and we are friends now, going out together, talking etc ann in this case I don't want to lose opportunity to have great person as a friend too.

Maybe you have some clues.

Last edited by Moderator; 10th December 2017 at 7:32 PM.. Reason: Paragraphs
portokal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2017, 8:08 PM   #2
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You already know this guy is married so I don't know why you even contacted him. He will use you for sex and then ghost you for another 15 years. There won't be anything more to your relationship with him than what I described.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2017, 2:56 PM   #3
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