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What is he intending

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 1st December 2017, 6:46 PM   #1
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What is he intending

Hi sorry for long post in advance, just so confused and don’t get this guy. Any advice appreciated is thanks. Apologies for typos I’m dyslexic.

I had a fwb relationship with a guy.
It wasn’t a proper fwb- we met on a dating site and agreed for it to be causal.
It went on for 8 months or so. I caught feelings, and I felt perhaps he did. He would be very hot and cold- take me out for dinners. Inquisitive questions about my ex husband, and my life and friends in general.
One dinner date (just food no hook up) he spoke about how much he wanted a serious relationship, family etc. I presumed he was dropping a hint but when I brought it up he said he needed time to think. He brought it up every now and again but never any made move for us to give it ago. One day he just ‘ghosted’ but the situation is complicated as we live nearby and go to the same gym. I was upset but tried to get over it and move on.
Everynow and again he would initiate chit chat (I never would) but our prev relationship was never brought up. It was like it never happened. I found it bizarre esp with my lack of closure.

In the interim- at the gym I would frequently feel his eyes on me when working out, and I think he would respond in a semi jealous way if another guy would speak to me but he didn’t really go out of his way to initiate further contact.

About 10 months after ghosting he randomly gets intouch to meet. I call him out for his behaviour but he insists on meeting to discuss this. He asked how I was and remembered personal convos we had (e.g I remember you weren’t sleeping well are you better? And are things with your mum better etc, I use the car company you used back when we used to meet). He also said he would love to go on holiday with me. He apologised for how he treated me and said he simply didn’t want to mess me around anymore, he had stuff going on. He also said I hurt him and was mean for not speaking to him properly at the gym. He asked if I’m dating and said he couldn’t believe I wasn’t snapped up as I’m beautiful, intelligent kind etc and can’t believe I wasn’t taken . I was like well you were never interested and he replied saying he that was because he was messed up. He didn’t give me a clear answer to why he ghosted. During this meet up whilst complementing me there was no flirtation. I found this bizarre considering our history.
He started ‘breadcrumbing’ so I called him out and said I’m not looking for a part time friend etc. He replied saying he’s just looking for friendship and that he won’t contact me again (he did a few times afterwards but just generic stuff about the gym).
I was confused and upset to why he reached out and then responded like this.
I can understand why concept of him just wanting to be platonic but why say things like I want to go on holiday with you, you are beautiful etc.
Anyway I got wiff that he may/might be married.
Even though our experience was in the past I was hurt and decided to get an answer from the horses mouth. I felt this would help with my closure.
I send a message asking to meet up in 1 week at X time. Initially he said no because of a ‘bad vibe’ and he felt I was bitter. I tell him I’m not bitter at all and not looking for anything romantic at all and just want to clear the air (didn’t want to scare him off for my question). He asks if I’m dating anyone. I reply saying it’s got nothing to do with him.
He then suggests meeting up that evening- I was suprised but agreed to this. We meet up. We catch up a bit but he spent most of the evening quizzing me about who I’m dating literally wanted to know everyone including guys at the gym. Any guy I mention he is immediately dissmisive of and actually said I should take a long hard look at myself and question why I chose the wrong guys.
I ask him whether he is married. He gets very defensive but says he is divorced. I felt he was skirting the topic and was getting a bit agitated so I dropped it.
On the way home he brings up who I’m dating again. He wanted to talk about it so much.

At the end just as I drop him off he asked me if Ive slept with anyone since him.
I tell him that’s a personal question and don’t answer. I tell him it’s late and he leaves. We hug but nothing else. I was suprised as we had been in contact at the gym and on and off for about a year and he had never really brought up anything ‘sexual’ so why now. Esp as he made a big deal about me having a bad vibe, wanting to be just friends.
I get home and he messages- bringing up and describing our past sexual encounters and even ends up calling and was talking naughty. He says how no one will be as good as him etc and that I should go over to his. It’s all very bizarre as he was the one who made it clear he just wanted to friends.

My question is if can anyone give light as he is giving me mixed signals. We weren’t friends in the first place and don’t understand why he would say he wants to be friends but then go on about my dating (definitely excessively).

Is this because he is confused/something to hide or is it he is possibly getting a kick about hearing about other guys..? Or is this him just playing a game wanting to know he has power over me. Does he just like the idea of him knowing I still care? Ie ego or is it something else. Why would he just disappear for 10 months and then reappear?

Rationally I know I should walk away but not ready to. I know I shouldn’t analyse but feel I have to have some sort of answer in my head to have strength to walk away. He has a wierd power over me. Don’t ask why. Thanks
6921 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st December 2017, 7:22 PM   #2
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'ends up calling was talking naughty', 'no one would be as good as him'.

He wants a hook up. He sees you at the gym and he wants easy sex. Not a relationship.
chinadiary is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd December 2017, 12:54 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,803
For whatever reasons, who knows why, could be many things, he doesn't want to have a relationship with you but does want to have sex with you.

He's told you he's messed up. Believe him.
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote


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