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What approach should I take?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 28th October 2017, 11:30 AM   #1
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Unhappy What approach should I take?

This is kind of a depressing time for me. I already knew I messed up in the beginning but it was too late. I was helping her through some tough times with her family. I feel like that was a mistake. I went from stranger to helping her with problems. I know it was a bad approach, but I felt like it was the best way for me to actually have the guts to talk to her. I'm a caring person. She got into really deep details the third time we spoke about it. So I'm guessing she's comfortable talking to me. She had already told me that she didn't want me getting any ideas (AKA asking her out). So I knew I was friend zoned. It sucks. Cause I wanted to be with her. She talks about other guys around me. She texts a bunch of guys. But, she really wants a boyfriend. She hasn't had any luck with the load of guys hitting her up. It makes me feel a little better (I know it sounds really selfish but still haha). I'm one of the people that is always around and always ready to hang out with people. So last night, she asked me to stay the night at her house. I was pretty excited because I thought she was starting to like me. It went pretty well, laughing, talking (not anything personal) but just talking. But, my thought process changed when I saw her texting the other guys. It hurt. I feel like I'm just the go to when nothing works out. I'm worried if I tell her I like her then I won't have a great friend anymore. It's happened once or twice before. BUT, I'm afraid if I don't tell her then she'll get with someone else. I've never told her how I felt about her so I was confused when I kind of got friend zoned. It's a rough situation and maybe I just shouldn't be friends with her or anything. But, I get jealous when she talks to other guys. We're not even dating so I don't understand why I feel that way. I hate myself for being so selfish over one girl. I just know deep down that I could be everything for her. I've never had a serious relationship and I think I could do great things in this one. But, if I were to tell her my feelings, I would wait awhile. I don't want to tell her now because I just stayed with her and it might be really weird for her. All I ask for is some friendly advice. I know I messed up, but I thought the more I hang out with her maybe her feelings would change because that's happened to me before too. I just get too attached before I even learn to love someone and it kills me. What would you do in this situation? I was also reading on some other forum posts that physical contact is a sign also. So I've put my arm around her a few times and she never backed off or anything. Didn't know if that would help but maybe it would.

Last edited by Ryan5232; 28th October 2017 at 11:46 AM..
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:46 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Ryan5232 View Post
I feel like I'm just the go to when nothing works out.
She spends some of her free time with you, which is pretty normal for most friendships. You don't have to feel insulted that she doesn't go out of her way to hang out with you or make a big production of it. Do you feel slighted when your male friends don't go out of their way to hang out with you? Probably not.

It wasn't a mistake to befriend her and listen to her vent about her problems. You don't have to be constantly running game on girls you're interested in. But you can be more direct with your intentions early on. She has made it clear that she only sees you as a friend. In the future, take that cue and move on if you don't just want to be friends with a girl.

In the situation you find yourself in now, just ask her out on a date. You don't need to declare your love for her or anything, just casually ask her if she'd like to go on a date this Friday at 7 or whatever. If she says yes, great! If she says no, then you can figure out whether or not you'd still like to be friends with her, knowing that you'll probably never date her or be in a romantic relationship with her. And by not declaring your love for her and making things weird, you can still be friends if you want.
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:51 PM   #3
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First off, thanks for your input. I guess I'll just have to deal with it for now, or just tell her how I feel. I most likely will just say I'm starting to fall for you or something like that. But, I understand what you're saying.
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