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Is cuddling important?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 27th September 2017, 9:52 PM   #1
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Question Is cuddling important?

Hello everyone. I'm kinda new to this whole dating thing, so I'd appreciate any advice you're willing to give me. I'm in my first semester at a university and there is a guy in a couple of my classes that I kinda like. I'm not majorly crushing or anything, it's just... I wouldn't object if there was something there. Anyway, we have the same major, so we've ended up spending quite a bit of time together studying for different things. He likes to tease, but for the most part I'm able to give it right back.

We texted back and forth for a while, and then one night while we were studying in a lab, we kinda started messing around. I don't mean it in the sexual sense, just in like a playful, "where are you ticklish" sense. I was more tired than usual that night (I hadn't slept well in days because of this test that I was worried about) and somehow, (I don't quite remember how this happened) we ended up cuddling on this cot they keep in the corner of this lab.

Now I'm not normally okay with people being close to me. I have this weird obsession with a personal space bubble. But like I said, I was tired, and I guess I let my guard down. I was comfortable and warm, and I fell asleep for a little bit, but it was the best I have ever slept, and by far the most I have ever trusted another person. I've never dated, never been kissed, and I'm a very private and often lonely person. I felt special that night though. Then, the next day, it was like nothing happened. I pretty much flat out asked him if he'd meet me in the lab again because I have insommnia and I appreciated the sleep, but I did it over text because I'm a wimp.

He told me to get a body pillow and then he's been ignoring me pretty steadily since then. Now that you have the whole story, was I wrong to assume there was SOMETHING there? I just feel weird about it because this dude is in my major and I'm literally going to be seeing him darn near every day for years. How do I fix this?

Last edited by Tigerjules; 27th September 2017 at 10:17 PM.. Reason: Adding space
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Old 27th September 2017, 10:37 PM   #2
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As a male with experience in dates, I think cuddling is a big deal, but there's something else.

When I had little to zero experience in girls (around middle teenage years) I used to cuddle a lot with my female friends (and the girls I liked). When it came to my female friends, I was interesting in nothing more than a friendship but, you see, I'm the cuddler-type. After a long time, I realized that many people misinterpreted my intentions so I stopped doing it.

You shouldn't get that close with friends, especially if you're in your college years, unless you have enough reasons to think he's interested in more than a friendship. Furthermore, even if that's the case, some guys will think you're too clingy if you want to cuddle a lot.
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Old 28th September 2017, 10:08 AM   #3
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Cuddling is so wonderful. You should feel proud of yourself that you let your guard down... and know, when you meet someone who loves you that the cuddling will be wonderful.

Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like this guy is the right guy. His behavior has been terrible and you don't deserve to be treated this way. I'm sorry that he did not respond better - just enjoy the memory of the experience and know... it will happen again for you.
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Old 28th September 2017, 11:02 AM   #4
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He was happy to cuddle & you learned about the magic of human contact. He's not interested in being your BF though & that is what he fears you want so he's distancing himself.

Just act like nothing happened & it doesn't bother you. Do find others to study in the lab with. He will calm down when he sees you acting normal & not making a big deal out of it.
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Old 28th September 2017, 1:52 PM   #5
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I dunno. He might have felt he overstepped the line and doesn't want send the wrong message or feels uncomfortable. That is why he avoiding
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Old 28th September 2017, 2:47 PM   #6
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Welcome to LS

I'll echo the sentiment to let things normalize in class and also this was good information on how to move from being solitary and celibate to a more sexual and intimate milieu with young men.

As for this guy, watch how he acts with the other young women in class. Is he the class flirt or is he quiet? Etc, etc.

When you're around campus and happen across a guy who catches your eye, try out some of that playfulness you did with this guy and see what happens. You're young and it's trial and error. You'll figure out what works best for you.

As to the title, cuddling, and physical contact in general, even if not sexual, is healthy for social animals like humans. It stimulates production of body chemicals which promote health and reduce stress. Your 'best sleep' underscores the power of it. Enjoy it often
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Old 28th September 2017, 7:18 PM   #7
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Thanks everyone for your advice!! I also wanted to quickly mention that his girlfriend of 2 years broke things off with him over the summer, so maybe he's not ready for something yet. He really is a nice guy, and I want to make sure that no one is bashing him just for the heck of it. lol. Thanks!

Last edited by Tigerjules; 28th September 2017 at 7:23 PM..
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