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Is She Being Friendly Or Does She Like Me?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 18th September 2017, 10:56 PM   #16
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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I have some things to say about this.

First, my intuition is telling me that you're just a friend and she's just friendly.

Of course, I'm not witnessing these interactions first hand, so I can't be sure.

In terms of the "body language," that really only works if you are in a room, you are on one side of the room and girl is pointing her feet in your direction when you're there, you change positions to other side of room and direction of her feet also change direction.

I used to obsess over body language, but a lot of it is read too much into.

My advice? When she's talking to you, smile, look her dead in the eyes, and see if she pulls her eyes down or keeps eye contact.

If she keeps eye contact? Ask her out to coffee.
If she bats her eyes down and smiles in a girlish manner? Ask her to coffee.
If she keeps talking and averts her eyes (looks up, down, to the side, etc). she's talking to you as if you were interviewing her -- you're just a friend.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, but if it's not congruent with what YOU want (unless you are fine with being just friends with her), then, maybe, tone it down a bit with her OR find another route to school/work.

I'm in a similar situation with a girl from one of my classes. I did the eye contact thing, and it seems that she's into me. I haven't asked her out yet though because, well, haven't gotten the change (graduate students are all so damn busy). It's a personality thing, really. She could just be VERY comfortable, culturally she may stand closer in to someone when talking to them, and maybe she was raised with eye contact being a sign of respect. You never know until you both are out somewhere together under the context of "this is ABSOLUTELY a date."

Now, I've read ALLLLLL the manuals on how to date. They all work, and none of them work. The whole thing is messy and all comes down to chemical reactions in the brain. That being said, I think my move is let it happen naturally. What will be will be. Don't force anything. If she likes you and you like her, the universe will make sure you two go out. Someway, some how.

Perhaps you should adopt this mentality? Reading into it too much, playing "the game" too much, focusing on things such as body language and "the tone of her voice when she said x" WAY too much is just going to lead you to confusion.

In the past, I could have SWORN some girl were into me JUST to find out that they were just flirts by nature and were already sleeping with some dude that they REALLLLLLY liked.

Last edited by lakerman34; 18th September 2017 at 11:00 PM..
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Old 30th September 2017, 10:57 PM   #17
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It seems like you've already made up your mind. Lol. If you feel that she's that interested, then asking won't hurt. I say go for it.
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Old 1st October 2017, 2:29 PM   #18
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There has been some interesting development since my last post.

She has become more open with me and touches me a lot during conversation and her hand lingers a bit longer, whether it's a pat on the back or just touching my shoulder playfully.

I asked her for lunch this week on Wednesday, she said "sure why not, when do you plan to have lunch" I said to her "I usually have lunch between 12pm - 1pm or till 1:30pm" to which she said "oooh I do it a little bit late, I do it at 1:30pm - 2pm and than I rush back to work, that way I get to go home early". I said to her "so practically when I'm back at work, you usually start your lunch". So the time slot wasn't really in the schedule, but at least she didn't say no.

I might ask her next week when I see her and would plan it after work, when she's off from work as well.

Although something really interesting happened on Friday, on my way back home from work I didn't see her, I thought she might have taken the train early, thats the reason I didn't see her, as soon as I got to my station, I walked to the bus-station and there she was standing, I found it quite odd her standing there by herself so I said to her "heyyy, didn't expect to see you here, did you miss your bus?" she said "no I didn't miss it, I just didn't feel like taking that bus and thought I would take the next one?" to which I said "was the bus full of people?" she said "not really, but I felt like I should take the next one".

Not sure if I should assume something here or not, but could it be that she waited for me to arrive there? But thats a pretty big risk to take, since sometimes I go home early and sometimes it's the same train that she takes back home.

I'll see how things progress next week, obviously we are talking a lot with each other and things are becoming routine, so lets see if she agrees to have dinner with me next week.
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