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losing your best friend after becoming friends with benefits

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 15th March 2005, 7:24 PM   #1
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losing your best friend after becoming friends with benefits

okay i'm not sure how gay friendly this site is but it is in relation to the love/sex topic so here goes:

me and the best friend has never talked about me liking guys and last yr in decemeber he was mad off his face and says you like guys yeah and i was like yeah and he said sh*t i wished i was gay so i could date you and then he said kiss me, i said no because i didnt want him to regret it when he was sober...

next weekend comes along and he says yeah i wanna experiment with my sexuality and we ended up sleeping with each other...

we were both under the understanding that we werent gonna date and stuff and just be friends with benefits...

but yeah in the mean time i fell for him harder and everything was goin okay...

then he said that he couldnt do it anymore, that guys werent for him. that broke me but we agreed that we'd b just be best friends again and stuff...

everything was going swell even tho i was really broken, it was hard to see him talking about girls and stuff all the time and he made it a point to talk about them all the time to me (i think it was to put across the point that he was straight)

but yeah like 2 weeks ago he came over and said he hated me and that he needed space (we used to hang out friday after work, sat and sun all day, from the time we got up till the time we went home at early morning the next day, on weekdays when i didnt see him we'd talk on the phone and send texts to each other) and that he didnt want things to go back to best friends anymore and that he wanted to get close to his other friends again...

i was broken some more...

then the next day he comes over and says sorry i dont hate you but im feeling weirded out by this whole thing so i just need some time apart... then that night he cames over and says ill put in more effort to make this work and hugs me...

all good again till last week, (we've been spendin the past few weeks doing other things, it just happened that way) but yeah i was going to this music festival and he was going to this houseparty, i thought id drop in at the house party 1st as it was my friends as well and i kinda wanted to spend sometime with him anyways, when i get there he was sitting out on the street hittin on this girl and i was like fk i shouldnt have come, then they come inside and go into the bedroom then later he emerges without shoes on and walks me to my car and says sorry you had to see that, hugs me and says ill call you later to see how your party is going...

the next day he comes over and says thats the end, the friendship isnt worth saving anymore and you dont mean anything to me, dont call me and dont text me, in an emergency you can email me...

broke me even more, its like yeah i was broken that things didnt work out and that it fked up our friendship as well

i stuck to his rules and didnt contact him even tho i really wanted to, 4 days later he texts me on a thursday and then last weekend he came over and it was weird, we were both trying but things have changed, its like i dont know him anymore and that kills me. im not sure what to do, i long for the day that we were just best friends, i thought he was a soul mate and if i could i would turn back time and not have introduced sex into the friendship. i think we both confused our special friendship for attraction. it just kind of hurts that life carries on for him and that he's walking away from all this and carrying on with his other buddies like nothing has happen and that he doesnt care about me anymore, when i used to be his number 1 and then here i am broken that i lost him, at 1st i was broken about not being able to be with him sexually but now i understand that meant nothing to me compared to his friendship...
what do i do? its killing me having this half effort friendship, seeing him so cold towards me but so loving to others but it kills me to not have him there?

any advice would be great...
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Old 16th March 2005, 5:32 PM   #2
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Re: losing your best friend after becoming friends with benefits

Whether straight, gay or otherwise, when a relationship crosses the line into being a sexual relationship, everything changes.

The entire basis of the relationship is changed. There are new emotions, new insecurities, possible new risks/consequences (i.e. pregnancy, STD's, etc), new everything.

If/when such a relationship ends, it is sometimes possible to be "just friends." The success of this depends on the people involved, their level of maturity, coping skills, etc. The track record of this is not particularly impressive, however.

A lot depends on how the relationship developed into a sexual one. Being straight, I cannot comment on the dynamics of this type of relationship, but I will say that in my experience, a love relationship grows out of friendship, over a period of time. Gina & I were platonic friends for some time before we began dating, & it took some time after that before love really developed out of that.

Make something idiot-proof, and they will simply invent a better idiot.

Last edited by Scott S; 16th March 2005 at 5:37 PM..
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