Accidently in Love- Stuck with no solution

[lostintranslation1]

Hi,

 

To make this as short and concise as possible. I am a male in my late 20s and came off a break-up this time last year (a relationship that ended after 3 years). I moved to a new city and started a new job.

 

In this new job, I work 1-on-1, very closely with a small group of people. Of these people, there was a girl named "Jessica".

I initially took a liking to Jessica as a friend as she was engaged, and I had just come off a very hard breakup... I wasn't looking to jump into a relationship, especially with an engaged woman (we are ~ the same age FYI).

 

The relationships I developed with this group of coworkers really helped me get over the hump of my previous breakup, and I really feel a strong bond between Jessica and I. She does too. Despite her being engaged, we frequently get together with and without her fiance to hang out. She often put her arm on my shoulder and ask how I was doing, we always made small talk, texted every couple of days, and would work out together with and without her fiance. She has told me that she is so happy that I came to this job and we both genuinely care about each other's happiness and well-being. We are very in-sync to each other's thoughts and it's more than just a friendship- she has told me and I have told her that we truly have a special bond. The most similar situation I can equate it to is Jim and Pam from the TV show "The Office".

 

However, recently I've found myself developing strong feelings for her. Having really got to know each other (traveled together for work, dinners together, etc...), I've realized that she is what I have been looking for all along. I have no early doubts as I had of previous girlfriends when I initially started to date them.

That said, her fiance "Andrew" is a very nice guy. They've been together for less than 2.5 years, and quickly got engaged in under one year. There are no issues that i see on the surface to their relationship, other than the fact that I feel her and I complement each other more than Andrew and her do. Without my bias, they just dont seem like a perfect match. I don't see them very romantic with each other in group settings, and they come across as friends more than anything else. That said, Jessica does refer me to as a great friend. Jessica and I laugh together more than I have seen Andrew and her laugh together, and I spend time with them at least 2 times per week. We are very close, like best friends despite having known each other only 1 year.

 

Here is the hitch: our work terms both end in 2 years, and we are from different places in the country... in other words, we both plan on heading back to different cities. It is heartbreaking to think this girl will not be in my life on a daily basis in 2 years.

 

What should I do? I don't want to regret showing my feelings for her before our time is up and then regretting it... at the same time, I don't want to interfere with her relationship and lose her as a friend, albeit also potentially make it awkward for work. That said, I don't want to sell myself short of my feelings (as corny as that sounds).

 

I'd really like some help...Please and thank you.

[AGoodFriend]

I think the safest bet in this one is to let her know how you feel, but be willing to leave the relationship as friends.

 

I have done this before and this has been done to me. One time a coworker came out of the blue one day in the hallway and told me that she had had a crush on me for the longest. Surprised the hell out of me. She was married with two kids. I stiffly told her I was flattered. That was it. She went about her way and never mentioned it again. But she got it off her chest and clearly felt better about it after.

[jen1447]

If your friendship's strong enough, you could have an honest talk w/her where you reveal your feelings (w/out ultimatums or over drama). It's risky bc women genuinely do view relationships and friendships differently than men in that we tend to think we can be close w/out romance, while guys tend not to. (And that's even if there are feelings on our end, we just compartmentalize them better.) So if she gets the sense you're going off the rails, she'll probably dial your interaction back for fear of encouraging you further and thus hurting you when nothing happens. On the other hand, if you're low key w/it, she may appreciate the honesty and you keeping it in perspective.

 

There's a chance she'd be willing to take a leap for you, but not a good one imo. The fact that her fiance remains in the picture pretty much means he's her choice. If that somehow changed or she was open to being convinced otherwise, she'd find a way to let you know, even if it didn't mean telling you outright. (We're experts at giving green lights, haha.)

 

Tough situation, sorry you're in that spot. Whatever you do, don't just "go NC," as that would be unfair to her since she hasn't done anything to show you you're more than just friends at this point. It would bscly be friend-dumping her.

[MGX]

I say don't tell her about your feelings.

 

She isn't single...she's already in a relationship. So unless things change on that front, you guys have got to be friends.

[Satu]

Other peoples partners are other peoples partners.

 

If you want one, get your own.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Keep things as they are. Have a talk with her just before the job ends. Tell her how you feel about her and for how long & how you respect her relationship with her fiancé. Tell her that if things don't work out between them, you'll do anything to have a chance dating her, including moving across the country. Let her decide how she wants to deal with you. Only do that if you can keep things how they are now. She will respect that you didn't do anything douchy towards her or her relationship.