dogtags Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 I've been friends with a girl for about 2 years. We even lived together for 4 months. I had a mild crush on her once but she didn't seem into it so we jus stayed as friends and were seeing other people and got along fine. Then i slept with one of her friends and she got really mad at her friend. Not me though, she was always fine with me. Then i got a GF and she spent the whole 4 months hitting on me more and more. A few times she got drunk and text me she had a secret and couldn't tell me. She then told me she loved me. I brushed it off. I told her i love her, as i do like a friend and she text me back saying she loved me more and i didn't understand We then started being more flirty texting sexy stuff. She sent me a few pics of herself. And every time she was drunk she would text me to get single. So i break up with my gf and i don't want to be around her. She can sense being ignored so puts more effort in. I meet her out, she is trying to get me drunk but i'm still hung up on my ex and blame her for the break up so i go home. Then we finally meet up properly and go out together. Something happened. We just start really passionately kissing. I have photos and she looks deeply in love. We are drunk but we have sex that night for the first time. I think its great, she seems to enjoy it. She goes home and then texts me a pic of herself topless and all the usual, i love you, text you later, like it was before but now more sexy. I text her that night to see if she's ok and its been like texting a brick wall. No emotion there. I tweetd something and she sent me a text saying "Set me up with your friend" (i assumed this was a **** text). She doesn't even follow me on twitter so she must have been creeping my page for some reason. I asked her if she wanted to get food tonight and she jus text back something weird. It has NEVER been like this. Even when we had no feelings for each other we have always got along fine. She either does have really strong feelings, and is trying to make me work for her affections now, or she is scared of getting hurt and putting her guard up. Or she just isn't interested any more now we had sex. But surely that would mean she would be a normal friend like before. And why ask about my friend? I'm baffled. Part of me really wants to see where this goes. She is my best friend, the sex was amazing. My plan from here is to just leave it and see what happens. Give her some time to work it out and see when she wants to get in contact. Its very hard though, i was so happy when we slept together, now i'm totally confused! Thanks in advance!
preraph Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 I think she's having some kind of fear knee-jerk reaction. I think it's weird she sent you topless, though, and THEN stopped talking to you and asked about the friend. Well, I think it's weird anyone texts any nudity, or I should say stupid, but never mind. She sounds like she's trying now to pretend she isn't really into you, so maybe she had some big romantic story going on in her head all this time how it would be when it finally happened, and it wasn't anything like that. Maybe she thought you'd first profess your undying love or something? Anyway, it's a nasty jab asking you to fix her up with the friend, and I think you MUST call her out on it. Also, be aware someone else might have gotten hold of her phone or something like that, too. Her little friend might be really mad now. Anyway, you need to sit her down and stop the texting because it's too hard to judge sincerity, and ask her what led her to all in 24 hours or whatever it was, have sex, send nude photos, then ask to be set up with your friend! That last thing is not something you can pretend never happened. I think she's being defensive and you need to nail her on it. She probably has high expectations for what will go on between you now and maybe somehow realizes now that that was unrealistic and now she's being retaliatory and wanting to throw that at you to hurt your feelings or something. Communicate in person or on the phone. I recommend in person for this and you can see if she's lying or real emotional, etc.
Author dogtags Posted November 21, 2014 Author Posted November 21, 2014 I think she's having some kind of fear knee-jerk reaction. I think it's weird she sent you topless, though, and THEN stopped talking to you and asked about the friend. Well, I think it's weird anyone texts any nudity, or I should say stupid, but never mind. She sounds like she's trying now to pretend she isn't really into you, so maybe she had some big romantic story going on in her head all this time how it would be when it finally happened, and it wasn't anything like that. Maybe she thought you'd first profess your undying love or something? Anyway, it's a nasty jab asking you to fix her up with the friend, and I think you MUST call her out on it. Also, be aware someone else might have gotten hold of her phone or something like that, too. Her little friend might be really mad now. Anyway, you need to sit her down and stop the texting because it's too hard to judge sincerity, and ask her what led her to all in 24 hours or whatever it was, have sex, send nude photos, then ask to be set up with your friend! That last thing is not something you can pretend never happened. I think she's being defensive and you need to nail her on it. She probably has high expectations for what will go on between you now and maybe somehow realizes now that that was unrealistic and now she's being retaliatory and wanting to throw that at you to hurt your feelings or something. Communicate in person or on the phone. I recommend in person for this and you can see if she's lying or real emotional, etc. Thanks so much for the advice, it makes a lot of sense. When we were friends up to a few months ago she was always adamant to friends etc that she wasnt into me and never thought of me like that. Then this whole thing built up when i had a girlfriend. Do you think there is a chance that now we slept together she has realised that she doesnt feel like that and it's not what she wants? She was still drunk when she text me in the morning so it will have been when she woke up later hungover that she went completely different. If she was into me then i would have thought she would have taken up the offer of dinner. The texting my friend thing. I tweeted about meeting a really good looking guy and she text me saying hook her up with him. I had sent a few tweets out that night that weren't exactly flirty but may have been taken that way. But like i said, she doesn't go on twitter. She would have had to type my address in just to see what my individual tweets were. My fear is that i'm going to get hurt. Id like to progess and see what happens but i dont want to tell her that incase she doesnt want that and it ruins our friendship. She has told me she loved me a few weeks ago but maybe now that's happened she realised it isn't what she wants. I cant really talk to her at the mo because shes putting up a wall. I'll have to just wait it out until shes ready to
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 She was in love with me Does she have any idea that she was in love with you???
Author dogtags Posted November 21, 2014 Author Posted November 21, 2014 Does she have any idea that she was in love with you??? Well im presuming she is from what she said. When i had a girlfriend she started turning it more flirty and then text me twice saying that she had something to tell me but couldnt. We would always say i love you to each other, like friends do, joke about getting married in 4 yrs of whatever. But then i said , love you more and she said "You DONT. You dont understand" I guess she has never come out and said it fully but from looking back on her texts she was very much trying to say it i believe.
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 Skip all the electronic devices & social media between you. Call her or better in person ask her on a proper date. Seriously ask her out to dinner at a romantic place. You went from friends to lovers with no courtship or romance in between . She might be concerned that you think she's easy.
Author dogtags Posted November 21, 2014 Author Posted November 21, 2014 Thats the problem though. I asked her for dinner and she just sent a text back ignoring what i said. She's clearly putting up a barrier now so i can't really call or ask her out for dinner
Standard-Fare Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 Frankly she sounds kind of unstable and manipulative. Lots of games going on here. And notice her feelings for you didn't ramp up until you were firmly involved in a relationship with another girl. You also mentioned you thought she was to blame for the demise of that relationship -- I'm guessing she was all up in your face with contact and your GF got jealous? However, it also sounds like you've also played your fair share of hot and cold here, and you seem to genuinely like her. So I agree with what the others said... just call her. Don't be the aloof cool guy. Check in with her, make sure everything's cool, and ask again about that dinner date. You guys don't want to just be piling game on top of game on top of game. You'll get nowhere.
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 Thats the problem though. I asked her for dinner and she just sent a text back ignoring what i said. She's clearly putting up a barrier now so i can't really call or ask her out for dinner If you were standing in front of her when you asked & she texted you in response, the girl has problems that I can't fix Talk to her in person.
Author dogtags Posted November 21, 2014 Author Posted November 21, 2014 Nah i mean i text her and she text me back kinda glossing over what i'd said. Pretty sick of the situation now. I was mad at her because she was so unsupportive when i had a gf that i quite liked. It doesnt seem like she wants to talk about it and something has changed in her emotions after sex. I don't know what that is but best thing i can do here is to leave her alone until those emotions go back the other way. And if they don't fine. But i think we need space rather than me pushing her into talking about it because i'm just not getting anything back. That's after her pretty much forcing me to sleep with her and declaring undying love etc. I dont think she knows what she wants. And she is pretty unstable!
Standard-Fare Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 I think it's stupid to let misunderstandings fester just because you two refuse to use any mode but texting to communicate. Texting can often create all sorts of unnecessary layers of complications. Seriously. If you care about her, talk to her.
jackinthebox1 Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 She clearly has some emotions going on right now and i have thrown it out there for dinner and it wasn't happening. Unfortunately i know how this girl works. The more i am not around the more she pursues. I would love to talk about the situation but i don't think she is ready and i can't keep pushing or it will just ruin the situation. From my experience, patience is key to any relationship and the truth will always come out. For me, i only have so much i can invest in this and i feel safer backing away now.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 She clearly has some emotions going on right now and i have thrown it out there for dinner and it wasn't happening. Unfortunately i know how this girl works. The more i am not around the more she pursues. I would love to talk about the situation but i don't think she is ready and i can't keep pushing or it will just ruin the situation. From my experience, patience is key to any relationship and the truth will always come out. For me, i only have so much i can invest in this and i feel safer backing away now. I'm confused, are you replying from a different account? Did you post this and forget to switch out?
Standard-Fare Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 Well, you know this girl more than any of us, so do what you feel is right... it just seems like you two are getting bogged down with a lot of missed signals and misunderstandings. It would be a shame for that to ruin things if you really like each other.
preraph Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 Well, whatever happened in bed can't be what made her change because after that, drunk or not, she sent you the topless pic. I think she may have sobered up and then felt maybe embarrassed and has no idea how you feel or whatever. She may be mad at herself. She can't just sleep with you to "get you back" from the girlfriend she was jealous of because it won't keep you from getting another. I truly think she just hasn't thought things through and feels embarrassed and defensive for whatever reason. I do think in person is the only way to go here if you can manage it. That comment she made about fixing her up with that guy sounds just like her goading you trying to see if you'd get jealous and could have been just kidding or joking or could have been intentional. I wouldn't put too much stock in it now that you've explained how it came up.
Toodaloo Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 She is all over the place. Leave it be. People deserve to be treated with a shred of dignity and to date she hasn't treated you with any at all. Only wants what she can't have then when she can have it runs a mile. She is not for you.
Recommended Posts