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Stop the Rot - How do I do it?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 12th October 2014, 9:39 AM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
Stop the Rot - How do I do it?

Hi Folks.

Back again. Just a quick one but probably not an easy answer. I've become too heavy in a new relationship, I could feel myself doing it but she didn't say anything and i didn't listen to my internal dialogue to slow down so I managed to get to a point where I was demonstrating that I need her more than she was demonstrating to me.

We had a chat, she explained some of things i've done recently are too smothering and tell her I want to speed things up more than she thought I did.

I struggle to express how i feel so i told her that and that I realised I was being too much.

Where do I go from here? Anything I do or say at this point will either reinforce I'm getting too heavy or help her believe I am calming it down so it's not so serious for now
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Old 13th October 2014, 2:17 AM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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So after our phone chat yesterday morning she revealed that we liked the cute things I did but they were starting to say to her I want a lot more than her at this stage and it will make her push away. She also said that she's trying to keep my feet on the ground and thinks all I need to do is calm down.

I explain I noticed my behaviour was getting a bit much and I know I need to.

Afterward the chat I sent this and went NC all day until she got back to me:

"Can we just go back to having fun please

I've been a total dick and gotta way too heavy, I'm completely not acting like myself right now, I think its so much stress of loads of things and I've been using you too much to get me through
And that's not fair
I do feel a bit embarrassed by way I've acted so if it's cool with you, I just want to go back to getting to know each other and just not talking about anything this serious again 👍"

About 7 hours later she messaged me saying hello lover of mine and I responded in my normal way with a slight little neg and we went forward from there. Haven't mentioned IT again, kept the conversation flowing without getting too invested in it.

I don't know what damage my behaviour recently has caused yet in regards to her trust in me that I'm not crazy and still chilled out so I'll have to demonstration my non needy feeling through action over thede 2 weeks before she visits. I know all IT was because I wasn't working and progressively got more bored in the day, I didn't have enough distractions. Those NC hours were painful enough and it wasn't even a day.
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