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She is scared of opening up


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

 
 
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Old 29th September 2014, 12:52 PM   #1
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Smile She is scared of opening up

Hi Folks,

Been a follower of this forum ever since I found it years ago and it's helped a lot so I thought i'd pose a question and see if people think i'm doing ok here.

As the title suggests, it's about a girl I met. We met on the internet while I was on holiday visiting my dad and his GF. We happened to be close by geographically so I caught a ferry to visit her when I didn't have anything planned.

Best few days of my life, spontaneous, crazy and romantic, not really like me but i loved it. My phone broke so we had this bubble for just us, instant connection and you would have thought we were dating her years.

I flew back the following week, this time from home and we spent a proper few days together planned this time. Got drunk, shared some secrets and some fears, Im not ashamed to say we shared some tears too when we spoke about times we've felt utter alone.

Our bond grew when we spent more time apart, a month later we spent a week together in my home country, i drove her around and showed my life.

Again, it was special to share my life with her. The sex was still great but it was starting to feel like we were making love too now.

She only opens up when she's drunk, she's not a talker more of an avoider and vague answers are all I get. I can tell by the way she acts how she feels so I don't need to hear too much right now and the fact she goes awol with me for days at time, flies to visit me and has her friends asking who the hell is this guy to make you act like a loved up teenager is more than enough for me this early on but she's afraid and i don't like her being afraid. She told me she's afraid to lose people she cares about...only natural I said to her.

What we have is differently very different to anything we've both come across, forgetting the fact we are from different countries. It is very strong and powerful the bond we have already and I feel like I possible have found the 1st person I can fully open up to.

I thought the distance could be why the walls are up for her. But at 24, I want to experience life more and plan to move countries and work wherever I can, I told her while I do have my own plans regardless of anyone, at the same time it would be possible to do what I want AND move to her one day in the next year or so if my plans line up with hers so a part of me wonders until her future and mine is sorted, she cant settle and won't invest in me too much incase she loses me. She won't lose me, I'm strong enough to wait for her, I have my own life and drive but I worry if I will try and tell her that too much.

But eventually I do want her to warm up to me enough to tell me how she feels. I don't need anything from her right now, i know trusting someone with your feelings is a big thing and takes time but does anyone have any advice on making it easy for her to open up to me.

At the moment, I'm picking my moments to take the conversation deep, only when she expresses a fear or makes a comment which isn't often.

Advice very much welcome,

Thanks Forum

All the best,
MC
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Old 29th September 2014, 1:21 PM   #2
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You seem to have it under control IMO. How long have the two of you known each other? The distance is probably her main concern. It would be mine. Also, if she's ever been broken hearted she could be scared to completely open up to a guy again.

The possibilities here are endless. You have a good strategy going so just keep it up. Don't push her further than she wants to go. If it were me I'd definitely be thinking "this is just too good to be true" so it's alright. She's not going anywhere, she's just going at a slower pace than you for whatever reason. As time goes on you'll be able to piece what little she tells you together enough to make sense of whatever puzzles you about her.

The best loves are the ones you try the hardest for, right?
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Old 29th September 2014, 4:03 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by me85 View Post
You seem to have it under control IMO. How long have the two of you known each other? The distance is probably her main concern. It would be mine. Also, if she's ever been broken hearted she could be scared to completely open up to a guy again.

The possibilities here are endless. You have a good strategy going so just keep it up. Don't push her further than she wants to go. If it were me I'd definitely be thinking "this is just too good to be true" so it's alright. She's not going anywhere, she's just going at a slower pace than you for whatever reason. As time goes on you'll be able to piece what little she tells you together enough to make sense of whatever puzzles you about her.

The best loves are the ones you try the hardest for, right?
Couldn't agree more, I feel myself trying so much hardest for her than any previous girl. I found myself nodding to each statement you put, sounds very much like what's happening. It does have that fairytale feel to it and it feels to good to be true for me too, if i were bore you with whole story, it would sound like a good book, i do enjoy telling people that ask.

I know a 18 year old me would probably get ahead of myself and panic but goes to show how age combined with experience helps so much.

We've have only know each other under 3 months and have already visited a few times, I'm due there sunday and her here end of the month and back together for her birthday.

I think the uncertainty over the distance right now (which I've slowly started to hint that that could be short term if i get to work abroad somewhere) and history of guys from her past is the main wall at the moment. Her longest "relationship" is 2 months and she hasn't really had many, 2-3 at most and avoid any drama with guys by just not getting close to any. She self confesses she's the girl in her friendship group that never has any guys on the go or gets involved in anything so what we have is so out of character for her
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