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Need some on what I should do from this point on?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 26th September 2014, 1:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 27
Question Need some on what I should do from this point on?

I'm going to try to keep it short and simple as possible. I met a girl through a mutual friend. We go out on a first date and it didn't start off great but ended well. We hang out again to go shopping for her mom(it was Mother's Day at the time). She leaves out of town the same week to visit a friend she says. She comes back and we hang out again. I find out that she started seeing her friend that she visited or they're in a long distance relationship. She never brings it up with me and I kinda steer clear for a while since I know she has someone and I was working most of the time too. She texts me saying how she wants to see me and misses our jokes. We meet up and she basically tells me how her "friend", which is the guy she is with in another state is in jail. I take her out and make her feel better about things. This goes on for some time since she was also dealing with some family stuff. We get closer and closer over time until it gets to a point I see her pretty much everyday. We would kiss and hold hands and tell each other I miss you and such. Since my job is close to her place she let me spend the night and now every time I see her and when it gets late we go to sleep in her bed instead of her letting me go home.

We did eventually ended up having sex and it felt that it naturally happened. Everything was going great until recently. We establish that we are not boyfriend and girlfriend but something more than just friends. She would get mad if I would text or another girl would text or call me even if it was just a friend. And she is always wanting me to put up pics we took together around different places like my room and my car. I tell her on a few occasions that I feel weird that she acts that way and we aren't really an official couple.

The whole time she is still talking to the guy in jail but doesn't make a big deal out of it and since she is always with me I don't either. But now I think he is out and she has been acting more distant. I brought this up to her a week ago and basically asked her straight out where is this going. She got mad and offended because she says how she let me in her life personally and I want to make a big deal because she doesn't have an answer. I try to explain to her I just don't want to get hurt and trying to look out for myself. She tells me how she ditches her friends and other people for me which I can understand since we do see each other all the time. But I still feel uneasy sometimes because of this other guy. I sometimes feel like I'm being used or I'm the other guy.

I am starting to get fed up with this and I think pretty soon I am going to say **** it and just walk away. It's not fair to me and its not right either. I just want to know if anyone has any advice on the best way to leave this situation without making it get too messy? Also if anyone else had a similar experience and how did it turn out? Thanks in advance
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Old 27th September 2014, 2:28 PM   #2
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 20
I'm confused, do you have an actual relationship with this girl or is she just a FWB? If she's your girlfriend then Id recommend breaking up with her now, but if she's a FWB then either (1) stop seeing her all together or (2) get out your kahoonas and ask her point blank to be your girlfriend and see no other men if you want her to commit to you.

The phrase "no one buys the cow when the milk is free" goes both ways you know.
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Old 27th September 2014, 8:56 PM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 20,828
I don't understand what you think isn't fair to you. You're sleeping with a girl you are also supposedly friends with and yet you insult her to the core by refusing to say she's your girlfriend. Since you don't want her to be your girlfriend, I see no reason why she shouldn't be talking to her jailbird guy. If you want an exclusive relationship, you should tell her that and make sure she understands that would be the end of her and the jail guy.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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Old 30th September 2014, 11:47 PM   #4
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 27
Thanks for the responses. I actually do like her enough to want her to be my girlfriend. I do want to ask her but but I guess I'm afraid of what her response will be. I'm afraid she won't give me a definite answer and we would still just continue to be the way we are. What is really holding me back is the other guy. If she wasn't still talking to him I would have asked her for sure. I mean as much as we have pissed each other off over stupid things and have argued and sorted things out, we are still there for each other. There is obviously some sort of connection I can't exactly pin point and that is why I'm still with her.

It's like she wants to be with me but she won't let herself. And she knows how much I love her because I am always there for her and she knows she is the only one I want to be with right now. I just don't want this to all be a waste of time because that is one thing I hate the most.
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