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Did My Female Best Friend Develop Feelings For Me? (Mixed Signals)

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 3rd March 2014, 2:48 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 12
Did My Female Best Friend Develop Feelings For Me? (Mixed Signals)

I met this girl, Michelle, back 7 years ago. She and I have been friends, but really stopped talking for about 4 years. I secretly had a thing for her but never confessed and life went on. More recently, about 5 months ago, I broke up with my ex for the first time. Next thing I know, my friend Michelle calls and wants to chill. She and I have been hanging out just about every day, ever since then. She and I became best friends! Throughout my relationship with my ex, I started to develop feelings for Michelle. Obviously I was in a relationship, and so was she, so I kept my feelings to myself. She and her boyfriend, Mike, have been having issues, and I’ve been there for her. She’s even spent the night at my house a handful of times. She and I have an inside joke calling each other “darling”, but everything between us has been platonic.

About 3 weeks ago, my ex and I broke up again for good (I was cheated on). Literally the next day, while we were hanging out, she ended up telling me that her boyfriend broke up with her. She was very upset, so of course I was a good friend and comforted her (since that also helped me with my breakup). For the past couple weeks, I’ve been noticing that she’s acted a little different towards me. I’ve noticed her staring at me, even when I’m not looking at her, and taking photos (Snapchat). A few days ago, out of the blue, she gave me a compliment on how pretty my smile was, even though I don’t remember laughing or even showing my teeth. She has been using our inside joke, calling each other “darling”, a lot more than usual. It’s almost become our way of flirting with each other. Just two nights ago she spent the night at my house… Again! She has often made comments like “what if we lived together”, and she also got really mad at me when I told her I might be moving out of state in a couple years.

Now here’s the confusing part, I know for a fact that she still has strong feelings for her ex, and she has “accidentally” called him her boyfriend after their breakup. They have been hanging out (mostly just her spending the night to get some) a day or two a week, but again, she spends most of her time with me. In the past, before my breakup, she had made a statement to say how glad she is that I’m her friend, and that all her other close male friends had gotten weird with her (liking her). Obviously I really like her, but I’ve managed to keep my feelings hidden. Friends of mine have told me “She’s very attached to you” and “Make a move”. I even had a friend of her ex tell me "make a move while Mike and Michelle are having their issues".

As much as I’d like to make a move, I just don’t think she feels the same way as I do. I feel like I might be overlooking signs. She used to constantly tell me how I’m her best friend, but I haven’t heard her say that much. I don’t know how to take that. Either way I am confused as Hell, still damaged from being cheated on, and really don’t want to mess up our friendship. I would much rather date her, but I don’t think I could take losing her friendship due to my confessions.

I’m sorry to make my first post of these forums so freaking long, but this is really important to me, and help would be appreciated. I really like her, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. I'm afraid if I say something it would make things weird, but at the same time I don't want to miss out on a great girl. Thanks!

Sorry this is a double post, I accidentally uploaded my first topic to the wrong forum.
VinnyJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2014, 7:06 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 575
If you do make a move & the relationship doesnt work out, you lose the friendship too.
Plus your ego is bruised right now & your vulnerable from breakup, so it would feel good to "win" the girl from her ex & all the other guy friends hitting on her, plus its the chase right now....newly single shes flirting, sleeping over but no sex....
Nahhhhh, this isnt the real deal. Its gonna be ablove triangle cause she is not getting over the ex any time soon & the stronger your feelings get the more her texting & seeing him are gonna bother you & its gonna get complicated.

Seems your both using the others attention instead of spending time alonevor with other friends and healing.
You need a little space from her to sort out your feelings & let her deal with her ex stringing ger along. I feel safe to say this would be fun, but wont end well.
herself is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2014, 8:18 AM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 35
If you're really into her, you definitely should 'make a move.' If you are sensitive, and proceed carefully, and doesn't work out, you might not be screwed--especially if you have a strong friendship to fall back on.

But you're saying some sketchy stuff. For the love of god, don't confess your love to her. That's a bad idea, and it serves no useful purpose. The absolutely will screw things.

Instead, just start flirting. The main thing is to find ways to make physical contact, like playful taps and pushing and 'fighting' and that sort of thing. If it feels good, and she seems to be into it, this is your cue to try something overt.

For instance, if you're sitting with her, and you touch her on the arm for some reason, just leave it there. Obviously if that works out, you're supposed to kiss her, or something along those lines. Overall, the strategy is to graduate up. If things aren't really working, and she's pulling away, that's a sign to back off, and regroup.

Seriously though, if you even think of verbalizing anything about how you like her prior to doing the above, you seriously need to get a trusted friend to kick you in the teeth.

Be careful about 'rebound' relationships though. Someone's needs when they're just getting out of something are special, and frequently short-term. If something happens, and its clear things are going well, try to talk as soon as seems sane about exactly what you guys are hoping for.
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