TheMist Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Hey all: I have gotten myself into a jam. I have recently started a FWB relationship with my friend's ex-gf. Here is the history: My friend and I practically grew up together.We are both in our 20s now. However a few years ago, he met a girl and they started going out. This girl was his first gf/love. Anyway, he broke up with her and after about a year, they started going out again--for another few months. The second break up was mutual. During the time they were going out, ...and I don't know why, he proceeded to tell me that he had dreams of his girlfriend and me together. Now I had NO interest in the girl whatsoever. Infact, I am never attracted to any of my friends girlfriends, because it is just wrong. Anyway, I know that he did fear that his girlfriend was fond of me. Right now, I am friends with both of them since they were both in my circle of friends. 2 years later(present): She and I talk as friends. He and I talk as friends. He met another girl and has been with her for a year. Anyway, his ex-girl and I have started talking more...nothing serious--just chatting, etc. During this time, I am still not interested in her because of my friend. The situation and I will get to the point. We hung out one night, started drinking, and had sex. I felt really guilty because if my friend found out, he would still be upset. It would bring back bad memories for him, and I understand that. He would then believe that she really wanted to be with me instead of him--he has feared that and confessed it to me before. I do not want to date this girl because she has gone out with another friend of ours. I told her that it is not making her look good--people with think that she is being passed around. I care about her a lot and I don't want to ruin the friendship between us. I will still be the girls friend even if there is no sex. I also don't want to ruin the friendship between me and my friend either. Well, she seems to think that FWB is a good thing for both of us. She thinks its fun and that its no big deal--she is 20 and I am a little older. So, we met up a few more times and had a good time. I had planned to meet up and talk to her about the whole situation (my friend, her, and me) and how it might not be the best thing, she got me riled up and I couldnt control myself and we slept together again. Plus, I think she is starting to develop stronger feelings toward me. I know a lot of guys will just say FWB relationship is great, but it isn't. I am kind of confused and not sure how to handle the situation. I need some advice on what to do. I would also like some experiences and how you handled the situation. I want to TALK to her and try to get this settled. If she wasn't my friend's first love/ex-girlfriend, I think I would be able to handle the situation. Thanks, TheMIST Link to post Share on other sites
cuddlebug20 Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Wow this is a really tough situation.....I'm not sure that I can offer much advice, I have a FWB relationship and we met online so I don't know any of his friends and he doesn't know any of mine, Thank God. She thinks its fun and that its no big deal Maybe she just wants to use you for sex then leave you standing, I have no idea. I felt really guilty because if my friend found out, he would still be upset If the two of them are no longer together then it really isn't any of his business, I mean he had the chance to be with her and it didn't work out. Just because he dated her doesn't mean that you can't have the chance to try having a relationship with her. I guess my advice is to ask yourself.....is she what you want? What do you like about her? What exactly do you want from her? Sex, a relationship, or just a friend? You have to put the fact that she and your friend dated behind you, it was in the past and it shouldn't be what you base your relationship with her on. I had planned to meet up and talk to her about the whole situation (my friend, her, and me) If I were you I would just have a talk with her and no one else. You said that you think she is starting to have deeper feelings for you.....well, what about you? How do you feel about her? Wish I could give ya more advice but I don't know much about the situation you are in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMist Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 Thanks for your insight cuddlebug. Yeah, it's kind of difficult to explain the entire situation through a message board. ****You said that you think she is starting to have deeper feelings for you.....well, what about you? How do you feel about her? **** The thing is everything is moving so fast, I am not sure how I feel about her. We've talked/been decent friends for the last 3 or 4 years. She is a nice girl, has a positive attitude about everything, and she is cute too. But I feel that it would be a bit awkward to date the girl that my friend loved so much. The thing is another one of my friends dated her too, and he and my other friend have been enemies ever since. ****I had planned to meet up and talk to her about the whole situation (my friend, her, and me) If I were you I would just have a talk with her and no one else.**** Yeah, I would only talk to her about it and no one else. I just don't want this whole situation to end badly. But yes, I definitely have to talk to her about this. Cuddle, Are you expecting anything more in your FWB relationship? developing feelings, etc. Can women have a FWB and not want more than that? The tricky thing is the girl is calling/texting me every day and seems like she wants more(her messages went from "Hey what's up buddy?" to "Hey, sweety! or Hey, honey!", but then says we are just FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
cuddlebug20 Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 "Are you expecting anything more in your FWB relationship? developing feelings, etc. Can women have a FWB and not want more than that? The tricky thing is the girl is calling/texting me every day and seems like she wants more(her messages went from "Hey what's up buddy?" to "Hey, sweety! or Hey, honey!", but then says we are just FWB." We started out talking online 6 months ago, a month and a half ago we started talking on the phone and after a couple of weeks he asked me out, as a friend, after thinking about it I said yes.....as of now we've been out four times and are still on the FWB level, which kinda sucks. I didn't think that I was ready for a relationship or ready to "love" again, however, we have been intimate since our second date and I'm really starting to get much deeper feelings for him. At first I thought yeah maybe it will be nice to just have fun, now I'm finding myself wanting to spend every minute of everyday with him. I am deffinately starting to fall in love with him. I'm sure that there might be some women that CAN have a FWB relationship and not want more but I'm not one of them.....she might or might not be. My problem is the guy that I am FWB's with told me that he wasn't ready for a gf yet that he liked what we have So, it's kinda tough trying to decide if I wait or stop the benefits, although they are very nice lol. I too also went from Hey what's up to Hey Handsome.....and I'm trying my best to flirt as much as I can and I am sending every possible hint I can think of lol. He is 15 years older then me so that kinda makes it a little sticky. Just be honest and tell her how you truly feel about her. If you feel things are moving too fast for you, tell her in a subtle way. This is my first time for starting out something as friends and even FWB, so I'm new to the game. I wish you much luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMist Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 Cuddle, ****My problem is the guy that I am FWB's with told me that he wasn't ready for a gf yet that he liked what we have**** Similar situation. I told her that I was not ready for a gf, but that is because of the "friend" situation. I do enjoy being with her...lol. However, I also understand that feelings can and probably will surface. This wouldn't be fair to her if she continues doing this FWB hoping that the situation is going to change. If it did, and we started dating, I am not confident that things will be good--due to how awkward I feel about being friends with both of them. So, even though it would be very hard to stop the sex with her, I would. I would be willing to stop the sex and just be friends because we were friends before. **** Just be honest and tell her how you truly feel about her. If you feel things are moving too fast for you, tell her in a subtle way. **** I should be able to do this but when we first started the FWB-R, we told each other that we won't discuss feelings, etc. But I am going to tell her....maybe she wants to discuss the situation as well. About your situation, do you feel that you can tell your friend how you feel without giving him hints? Maybe he does or doesn't want more. If he still doesn't want a relationship and your feelings become more intense, what will you do? Will you continue the FWB? Good luck to you. The MIST Link to post Share on other sites
cuddlebug20 Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 "I would be willing to stop the sex and just be friends because we were friends before. " That is Great, it wouldn't be fair to either of you to continue with this relationship then end up feeling awkward around eachother because she feels this way and you feel that way and so on.....makes things VERY complicated....I think maybe you should just go back to being her friend and nothing more, and give it some more time, if it's meant to be it will happen. I know that is easier said then done but it's true. "About your situation, do you feel that you can tell your friend how you feel without giving him hints? Maybe he does or doesn't want more. If he still doesn't want a relationship and your feelings become more intense, what will you do? Will you continue the FWB? " Good questions! I have been working on building up the nerve to have the "talk" with him lol. It scares me because I'd hate to ruin our friendship all because I let myself develop feelings for him, but then again, it's his because he shouldn't be so dang charming lol At times I feel that he wants more but a few mins. later he'll say something like "but we're just "friends"" I think that now is the time to bring it up because if he doesn't want more then I will deffinately stop the benefits, he told me from the beginning that he would never push me into anything and he hasn't yet, and he said that eventually when the time is right we'll become more then just friends. For me, I feel that the time is now. I'm pretty sure that she is probably dying to discuss the issue also lol.....you said that you both decided that you wouldn't discuss your feelings....sometimes, women (not all of us) say things but we don't really mean them....she might have just been agreeing to it, just to agree. Link to post Share on other sites
themist2 Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 cuddle, Yes, she and I are dying to talk about what is happening with us. We feel we should be clear with each other, especially since we do not want to ruin our friendship. I want a few days to pass by before we talk. It will do us both good to be able to think about situation before we come to a decision. the mist aka the mist2 Link to post Share on other sites
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