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secretly in love

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 15th May 2004, 3:02 AM   #1
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secretly in love

first timer ill just keep it short.

i have this friend that i havent seen for 2 years. We've kept in contact through emails, instant messanging and phone. We could talk bout like everything. But all of the sudden she just stopped talkin and we basically stopped contacting each other. By this time, i already had feelings for her. But we lost contact. A year later, i've finally gotten over her. Then i HAD say sumthin to her. I just said a joke my friend told me btw. So anyways, we started talking n she started to tell me about her life and outa nowhere i was listenin to her personal life. So we were pretty close. I then found myself waiting for her calls and messages and sacrificing time to listen to her problems. She's told me about her love life at her campus and other stuff relating to that. There were also plaenty of times she almost found out i had feelings for her, she'd ask how come i would always try my best to listen to her talk about her problems. I'd just say "cuz im bored".But then outa nowhere she stops talkin to me again. So i told myself to let it go. Although getting over her was the hardest thing i've ever had to do, i had to do it anyway. Its been almost 4 months since that incident and i still find myself thinking of her before i sleep and right after i wake up.

So i just wanted to know if i made the right choice. I knew that me keepin my feelings a secret wud make the realtionship based on a lie, so i could only make like these choices :1)ask her how she feels and get my heart broken and lose the friendship. 2)continue the friendship but have myself die a little ever second i dont tell her. or 3)find a chance to not talk to her (like right now) and just try to get over her and move on without ever confessing feelings for her. I am currently doin number 3. But it turns out it was harder than expected so now i am here. wondering if i made the right choice or not.
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Old 15th May 2004, 7:06 AM   #2
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Eh, I don't think you did the right thing exactly... but it's not about whether you someday "confess" but more about what I noticed you wrote about your everyday interactions with her...

she'd ask how come i would always try my best to listen to her talk about her problems. I'd just say "cuz im bored".
That's a good cover, one would expect that someone who cares about them at all, even just as a friend, could say they care about the problems because they care about the person!

It seems to me like you got yourself stuck in the "friend zone". That's the place guys go when they never make a move but if they ever did there might have been something. That is, there might have been sometime before something like this happens:
She's told me about her love life at her campus and other stuff relating to that.
You basically became her emotional barf bag, I'm thinking. You validated her every feeling, or at least didn't criticize too harshly, you'd listen to anything she had to say and you were ready whenever she wanted to talk. You know, therapists charge good money for those kinda services. She got a deal.

Not trying to be too harsh on you; you're obviously a good guy but maybe a little shy, maybe lacking in the confidence department. It's just that you became her friend and probably will always be "like a brother" to her - except even brothers don't usually like listening to their sisters sex lives. I could be wrong, but I am not very hopeful about this working out for you with this girl. I say go with option #3 because that one gives you a fresh start - hopefully with a girl less neurotic and one with whom you can talk naturally about your feelings and have a good mutual bond.
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