Complicated Friendship

[eboston]

Okay, where to begin. I have known my best guy friend for roughly seven years now but we didn't start out as friends. He started out as my brother's friend. A couple months into their friendship he needed a place to stay in order to go back to school and our parents allowed him to live with us. He continued to live with us for the next two or three years. While he lived with us, we all became very close. He became like my brother, including the fact that my dad made me wake him up every morning before school so he could approve my outfit. He became more like my brother, than my own brother. We all had the same group of friends blah blah blah. Well our group of friends broke up and we were the only ones who stayed close. Within the last year he had some financial problems and I was there to help him as much as I could. Throughout this, we were hanging out almost every day, I was staying at his house bc it was more convenient for work and school. By this point we had became best friends, we did almost everything together. At some point he decides to disclose to me that his feelings have evolved and now he sees me as more than his sister and more than just a friend. I just have a hard time seeing him in this way. I grew up with him and he really was like my brother. We have never even once done anything and although our relationship would probably be perfect, being we never fight about anything and we think the exact same way, I'm having trouble seeing it this way. He says that he understands that I don't feel the same way but he doesn't want me to waste years figuring out it all out. I understand that we would have a good relationship if we were to get together. But how can this occur if I see him as my brother? And is it worth potentially ruining an amazing friendship? After constantly thinking about it, I disappeared from him for awhile hoping to figure it out. But two months later, I'm still just as lost as the day he told me everything. We have recently been hanging out again and I have got to figure out what to do. I feel as though I'm stringing him along, regardless of the fact that he knows how I feel.. I'm just lost.

 

There's one detail I suppose I should add. In the months that we were spending almost everyday together, our friends and family we always asking if we were together. I do see how they could look at it in that manner. But does their asking this mean that they see something that we don't?

Edited August 20, 2011 by eboston
adding a detail/question

[WTRanger]

Okay, where to begin. I have known my best guy friend for roughly seven years now but we didn't start out as friends. He started out as my brother's friend. A couple months into their friendship he needed a place to stay in order to go back to school and our parents allowed him to live with us. He continued to live with us for the next two or three years. While he lived with us, we all became very close. He became like my brother, including the fact that my dad made me wake him up every morning before school so he could approve my outfit. He became more like my brother, than my own brother. We all had the same group of friends blah blah blah. Well our group of friends broke up and we were the only ones who stayed close. Within the last year he had some financial problems and I was there to help him as much as I could. Throughout this, we were hanging out almost every day, I was staying at his house bc it was more convenient for work and school. By this point we had became best friends, we did almost everything together. At some point he decides to disclose to me that his feelings have evolved and now he sees me as more than his sister and more than just a friend. I just have a hard time seeing him in this way. I grew up with him and he really was like my brother. We have never even once done anything and although our relationship would probably be perfect, being we never fight about anything and we think the exact same way, I'm having trouble seeing it this way. He says that he understands that I don't feel the same way but he doesn't want me to waste years figuring out it all out. I understand that we would have a good relationship if we were to get together. But how can this occur if I see him as my brother? And is it worth potentially ruining an amazing friendship? After constantly thinking about it, I disappeared from him for awhile hoping to figure it out. But two months later, I'm still just as lost as the day he told me everything. We have recently been hanging out again and I have got to figure out what to do. I feel as though I'm stringing him along, regardless of the fact that he knows how I feel.. I'm just lost.

 

There's one detail I suppose I should add. In the months that we were spending almost everyday together, our friends and family we always asking if we were together. I do see how they could look at it in that manner. But does their asking this mean that they see something that we don't?

 

He has feelings and he confessed them? The friendship was over at that point, in fact it was over long before that. It was over the minute he developed feelings for you. Which isn't wrong. But when feelings come into the mix, the friendship ceases to exist and it becomes a romantic pursuit.

 

If you don't see him the same way, talk to him about it. Be honest with him. Tell him that you two can't be around each other in that manner. Right now, he's only using the closeness between you two in the hopes that the gravity of his feelings will pull you in. That's it.