marsle85 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 So say the sexual chemistry was really there, but the relationship didn't work out. Is it crazy to propose FWB? Do you look needy? I just don't want to throw out good sex... What's the best way to ask? Is a text: "fwb?" adequate? Many don't even know what FWB means! Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 You don't ask this kind of thing over text! In fact, you don't ask it at all. It just happens most of the time, and most of the time the next level isn't really discussed so it just lands in a FWB zone. FWB's are always bad news and always end horribly. But, if you are intent on this, use our good friend alcohol. Go out for a night of fun with him, have a few drinks, and just let things play out. Touch him, caress him, flirt with him, and get his launch sequence started to let him know you are available that night. See what he does. Once that is established, then the text booty calls can start. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 A man will almost always say yes to FWB. The fact is many men--I want to say most men--actually prefer having a FWB to having a GF. Unless this guy is gay or your brother, you're in (and even if he's gay, he might think about it for a minute). Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 A man will almost always say yes to FWB. The fact is many men--I want to say most men--actually prefer having a FWB to having a GF. Unless this guy is gay or your brother, you're in (and even if he's gay, he might think about it for a minute). I think that's true of some men who avoid the "where are we going in this relationship?" chatter. Those guys are perfectly happy with a sexual relationship without the commitment hangups and "rules." I have a great male friend of mine that is extremely gorgeous and fun to hang with .I've wondered lately if the FWB would work for me. Still thinking it over! I'd say just hang out casually as normal and flirt light heartedly. See how he responds. At the end of the night, you can say something about just the two of you hanging out at whomever's house and kind of go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Marsle, considering what you just went through and the lengthy thread (that is STILL going) about sleeping with guys, why-the-heck are you even asking these question!?!?!? Is it just about getting some sex because I would be willing to bet that the next guy you sleep with, you will be here -- on this board -- asking questions about what kind of relationship you have based on six or eight hours you might have spent together. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I am floored that you have posted this given the prior thread! Why don't you text him, "want to just use me and throw me away afterwards?..." People, ESPECIALLY guys, will only give you as much respect as you demand of them, and frankly, FWB says, "I am a girl who is willing to settle as someone who means nothing to you, just to sleep with you." Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 No, don't do it, bad idea. Not because of FWB but because right now this is you "bargaining" so that you can still have that guy from your other threads in your life. 1) We already know you have feelings for this guy. You stated in your last thread something to the effect that you could see him be the one or some such thing. therefore: 2) You will only end up torturing yourself. Not to mention : 3) You haven't even given this guy a chance to smarten up! I like to put "guys who are only mildly interested in me" on the backburner. They aren't right for me now, but who knows what the future will bring? (Plus, a lot of those guys, who were orginally just mildly interested, actually came back when they realized I wasn't going to do anything desperate to keep them in my life.) Bargaining is one of the 4 stages of grief (they don't always all appear and don't follow any particular order): denial, bargaining, anger and acceptance. If you're not ready to accept that this guy isn't going to be in your life, then I highly recommend anger as a coping mechanism (just don't post it here! People will be relentlessly and needlessly harsh on you if they don't understand that's what's going on ) Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 People, ESPECIALLY guys, will only give you as much respect as you demand of them, and frankly, FWB says, "I am a girl who is willing to settle as someone who means nothing to you, just to sleep with you." Thumbs up to that statement! Honestly, asking such a thing seems incredibly demeaning. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 I am only going to assume you are an adult that can make a conscious decision so I will add this: You might reconsider if you feel that things will get complicated for one or both of you. Being a FWB shouldn't mean that you are an exclusive couple, therefore someone would have to be okay with the notion of one or the other falling in love with someone else and severing the FWB relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marsle85 Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 I am floored that you have posted this given the prior thread! Why don't you text him, "want to just use me and throw me away afterwards?..." People, ESPECIALLY guys, will only give you as much respect as you demand of them, and frankly, FWB says, "I am a girl who is willing to settle as someone who means nothing to you, just to sleep with you." No, no, no! This is NOT the same guy. Oh my gosh, there is no way I'm pursuing anything further with him. The situation with him may have encouraged me to think about contacting an ex, haha. It seems like everyone is against this proposition though... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 It seems like everyone is against this proposition though... More against YOU making the proposition. I just don't think a woman like you needs to chase any guy, for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 More against YOU making the proposition. I just don't think a woman like you needs to chase any guy, for anything. Oh, so right on! You are beautiful, and sound like a girl with a good heart. Of course, that can cause you to be taken advantage of. You should read some books on men, and learn how the creatures think, and how to play this game of dating, etc. Would suggest "Secrets about men every Woman should know", by Barb DeAngelis, "What Men Want" , and there are tons of others. Never just "offer" yourself to a guy. Never be easy for anyone, girlfriends included. People will take you for granted and disrespect you if you do not hold yourself in higher regard. I suggest you read the thread "Promiscuous Girl Threw Me back" again, if you wonder what guys really think of girls they perceive as too "easy". The double standard is still alive and well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 You're absolutely right. God! I knew there was a reason I keep logging back on. Funny, when I registered- I haven't gone a day without checking LS. You girls are the best. Thanks Dazzle. You're a good girl yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I need to go read the rest of that thread... I stopped at the whole "I'm in my panties but having my period and want to sex him but didn't and then I don't know what to do next" part. But really, in one thread you're saying guys on here have self esteem issues, then in this one guys are only after one thing: sex. You got it wrong though. Replace "guys" with "people", and you've got it perfectly spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 And to answer your question: I've had 3 seperate requests for FWB's. One was an older (42, I'm 32) woman who emailed me explicit instructions with regards to what she wanted. Another was 21, a friend of my sisters and texted me to say she wants to fu*k me but nothing else, and not to tell my sister (LOL?), and the third was, in fact, an ex whom I dated briefly who just emailed me a naked picture and her phone number (which I had discarded). I haven't slept with any of them, post-request. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 I need to go read the rest of that thread... I stopped at the whole "I'm in my panties but having my period and want to sex him but didn't and then I don't know what to do next" part. But really, in one thread you're saying guys on here have self esteem issues, then in this one guys are only after one thing: sex. You got it wrong though. Replace "guys" with "people", and you've got it perfectly spot on. Heyy- I was totally kidding about the self-esteem issues post. I understand that there were several threads "Am I still a man if..." All play. Link to post Share on other sites
Sevenscars Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 There is no need to throw out perfectly good sex! In fact, you can make perfectly good sex into amazingly great sex, relatively easily. All you have to do is NOT become friends with benefits, which screams "easy." This is coming from a guy's perspective. Most guys will not turn down the offer for fwb, because it's fun, easy, and non-committal. Much lower maintenance than a girlfriend. But then, with lower maintenance, comes lower amount of respect (why respect something you don't have to work for? free is free). I myself have had past fwb's, and while I never treated them horribly per say, I can't find myself thinking of them the way I do of past girlfriends. This is also neglecting to mention the emotional aspect. No matter what anyone says, when you sleep with someone it creates attachment. What happens when you get attached, and find your "friend" more interested in another girl? One he's not sleeping with, but wants to -- that's a challenge. More interest there. Marsle, you are a stunningly pretty girl. The kind of woman I'm sure many men would love to date. It would be a shame to rob you of your respect just for some simple sex which, face it, won't give you the same elation that a meaningful relationship would. If you want to go this route, it's your body, your mind, your soul; you are free to do whatever you want. Just consider this: I, a man, am telling you not to do it. This goes against man-code, and all your future FWB-wannabes are severely hating on me right now. Does that say something? Yes! It says that even (objective) men find something wrong with fwbs. On that note, ladies, I am now accepting girlfriend applications. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marsle85 Posted April 4, 2010 Author Share Posted April 4, 2010 SS, Thanks so much for your thoughtful and honest post. I decided not to pursue the FWB scenario- and throw myself into more substantial hobbies. Clearly I'm looking for something, and you're right- it's not likely i'm going to find it with this guy. Thanks again, and I suspect your mailbox shall be full soon. lm Link to post Share on other sites
estherrolle Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Pretty good stuff. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your stuff. Seo tips Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 FWB would probably never work for me, just because of my temperament. I would suggest that if you do go there, it would be best not to try it with an "ex." Too much history. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperMatt Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I notice everyone is saying its a bad idea, but honestly for me I did a FWB with one of my friends for about 3 weeks or so and it was fine we both knew it was just sexual and we both knew thats all we wanted from it. Then she said she had to work out some things, so I said ok then we will stop what we are doing. But yeah there wasn't a clearly defined thing she just flirted with me a little and then I was a little turned on so i made out with her and it went from there. Now after maybe 4 months we still talk but it is a little more distant then it use to be but overall I would do it again if I had the choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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