Newly Single Father

[Lookin21]

I am currently seeing a man who is newly a dad. I have not been comfortable with the situation since first finding out AFTER we had already started becoming serious. He said he didn't see it as that big of a deal but a baby on the way with your ex gf is nothing to dismiss in my book because it's not like he had just found out the prior week...he'd known for months! He said it wasn't that big of a deal since he wasn't sure the baby was his but I felt as if he'd taken my choice away from me. Anyway I decided to move forward because someone told me since I was a single parent, myself,(widowed) that I shouldn't count this guy out. So I gave him the benefit of doubt. Anyway the child is here and it's his first weekend alone with the baby and when asked if I was coming over to his place, I replied "no" because he was going to be busy. Which is true, but I also feel uncomfortable with the situation because this is some other woman's newborn baby and I'm sure she wouldn't want some other woman or love interest around her child. At least not yet. I don't know...either way the whole thing still makes me uncomfortable so my question is should I run for the hills or try to get used to the situation since I do care about this guy but at times it just seems like this is too much for me to handle. I have had to deal with the loss of a husband and my own grief, and my preschooler's grief over the last 1 1/2 yrs., and I just want to be happy right now. So am I selfish to want to be with a man that can actually make me first in his life? Any help is greatly appreciated.

[on1wheel]

I am sorry, but I would think that a mother would be a lot more understanding about the guy having a baby.

I am sorry for the loss of your HB, but dismissing a guy just because he has a child with someone else seems hypocritical to me.

Would you have wanted him to leave you because you had a child with another man?

Search deep & figure out if the problem is really the baby or is it something else? Is it trust, that you think he'll reconcile or that you're more lonely than into him?

I wish you well, as we all deserve to be happy & feel as if we are #1 in someone's eyes. Problem is that once a child is born you're never #1 anymore. I am married & know that I'm no longer my wife's #1; our daughter is.