HelpMe Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 I am not sure if this is the right forum but anyway here it goes, First thing I am gay, and i have been best friends with another guy for more than 6 years now and I fell in love with him! Unimaginable things happeneed during these years that show me he is a real true friend but anyway 'unfortunately' I fell in love with him. Lately I told him I am bi-sexual because i was afraid of his reaction if I told him i was gay but i think he still knows i am gay. Anyway he took it very well and still jokes about it and seems that for him it doesn't matter as if he accepts me the way i am. I am very pleased about this but anyway I like him and he knows it but I think he is not gay and if he is so i don't think he likes me. I don't want to lose his friendship but I don't want to remain friends, i want something more but lastly this has changed because som months ago even before i told him i am bi, our friendship seemed to go worse and he seemed to be changing with his new bad company, he started smoking cigarettes smoke joints, i also began to feel as if i lost my first place as best friend, i started becoming jealous at times and we have been arguing about this for a long time. I hate this situation coz sometimes I think I act this way because I like him not because he is my bestfriend, I don't think that the fact i told him about my sexuality has compromised this further more. But now I am in a dilemma. Sometimes we are so good together (as friends) that I wouldnt change him with anybody but at times i feel like i am wasting my time coz i am needing a serious relationship with a guy and he seems to be the best i could ever find. Then i think about letting go but i dont want to lose him as a friend but to forget him definitely i have to let go and not see him for a long time, far away from the eye far away from the heart! Then i think if i let him go i wouldnt forget him for sure, we havent talked to each other once for 5 months and i couldnt help forgetting him! If i will let go how can I forget him?! I WILL NEED TO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE but the problem is i am gay and i don't know were to find others like me because i am still in the closet and scared of going into some gay locations! WHAT SHOULD I DO? please help me don't judge me because i am gay, it is very hard for me Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 You can meet other gay men by going to gay bars, joining gay organizations and causes, placement of personals in newspapers, magazines and on the Internet, by joining dating services online that specialize in gays or offer alternative lifestyle services, etc. There are also gay men's chatrooms on the Internet where you can socialize, meet friends, and utlimately get with them in person. I urge you to take the above initiatives rather than randomly attempt to find men you like in your day to day movement. There are a few very conservative straight men who would truly resent you making any kind of pass or declaration of feelings to them. You need to move very carefully and disclose your feelings only to men you know for an absolute fact are either gay or bisexual. I don't think there's a problem generally in making people aware you are gay but, again, use good judgement and do it in an appropriate context, in an appropriate way at the appropriate time. Back off this man you write about in your post. It's very clear he's not interested and you will be a fool to wait around for a straight guy to go gay because there are only a few chances in a few million that will happen. And there's absolutely no sense whatsoever in preserving a friendship with a straight guy you are looking at as a potential lover. Hell will freeze over before that happens. I know it may be difficult for you to find nice guys for yourself but if you take the commonly accepted avenues I described in my first paragraph above and use good common sense, you will have success. Just keep your social activities closely restricted to the places designated for gays lest you may find yourself in some unpleasant or embarassing situations. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
JonB Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 I think i'll try the way you told me, first thing i'll try to let it go, but how should I go away from this guy friend. It will be hard i dont think i'll manage?!?! I know he will be around asking me whats happening coz he will realise i am acting kinda strange... then what should I do i tell him I dont wanna be friends no more and invent some reasons or tell him the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 I think you can let the friendship die naturally. Try not to let this sort of thing happen again, though. If he presses you for some answers (which I don't think he will because he will figure it all out based on what you have already told him), yes...be straightforward and honest with him. Let him know you are gay and you feel it's best if you are away from him...at least for a period of time. Even people of opposite sexes have to do the same thing under certain circumstances. Be very cautious in getting attached to persons you are not certain are gay or this could happen again. Once you get in a gay crowd, which you can do by following my earlier advice, you'll have absolutely no problem meeting gay men. Link to post Share on other sites
JonB Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 10x a lot but I still don't think this friendship will die naturally, coz once it had been like somehow dying for 8 months and it never died coz we both found it very hard to separate. It is very important to both of us! I think i'll try to stay friends with him but on a lesser scale and trying not to think about him when my thoughts fall on him! Even if i tell him that it would be better to let go for sometime i dont think he'll understand that because he sees me as a friend and pretends that i still see him as a friend after all these years as bestfriends. It will be hard for him I dont wanna hurt him but i think he'll get through it if someday it will happen. Maybe he'll understand Apart from that, I think for now it is better not to visit gay places because i am still in the closet with almost everybody and if some friends or even worse MY PARENTS discover this it willb e awful for them and for me afterwards. I think I am still young 18 (last week) for this I get to it slowly first by telling certain friends which I think it would be better if they know and which i care about then when i have become more independant in the future months, the situation will be better for this kinda of stuff but for now it is better like this I think, WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT THIS? Sorry for disturbing again but it is my first time talking so open and i have a lot of questions that i need to have an answer! 10xxxxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Patty Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 Tell him the truth.If he's a real friend,I dont think he will care whether your gay or not.I just dont think you have to end a friendship cause your gay,especially if you have been good friends with him.And if hes a real friend he will accept it. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
JonB Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 yes thats what i think too, but right now i think i am not seeing him only as a friend but as a potential lover! Being friends with him I'll be always hoping that i'll go out with him someday and i'll be wasting my time coz I think he is not gay. It is difficult to change feelings especially like these! To forget him I have to stop seeing him... what do u think? Link to post Share on other sites
Patty Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 The only thing you can do is tell him,I know it may be hard but in the end you will feel better knowing that you were being honest.Look in magazines,newspapers or on the internet to see what kind of sevices are out there. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
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