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She wants us to stay friends, but she might like me. Any hope?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 30th March 2008, 5:00 AM   #1
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She wants us to stay friends, but she might like me. Any hope?

I met this girl a few years ago, and for reasons I wont bother going into, i was pretty sure she was interested in me. We became good friends, but I started to develop feelings for her. We went to a party once and danced together, and it was just way too sensual for a "just buddies" kind of thing. It really was. It wasn't awkward either; we had lot's of fun and we were being dumb (she was not drunk btw). Our friendship continued, and things got pretty close, so I figured I'd tell her how I feel, and see how she feels. First off, when I told her I was interested in being more than friends, she seemed pretty happy and surprised about it, but she never said how she felt. Towards the end of the conversation, I asked her how she felt, but she said she wanted us to stay friends, which was a shock to me because of the nature of the conversation we just had. In the past we had this period when we decided to stop talking for a month because I was trying to sort my feelings out and improve myself. She said she was very hurt by that separation. She literally said "you crushed my feelings;" I didn't even know. She said that at that point, she stopped having feelings for me beyond friendship. So I tried to be cool and accept that it's game over. But then, we had another conversation about the issue, where she was ambiguous about what she meant by me crushing her feelings every time I would probe her about it. She kept bringing up the fact that I was talking to girls at work and all that stuff. I'm a casual guy, and I've learned not to take things too seriously, which I think makes her think I will hurt her eventually. In general, she just kept saying a lot of things that led me to believe that she really does like me, but she has been hurt quite a few times, and so she doesn't want to risk getting hurt. I'm definitely sure it's not me that is the problem. I don't kiss her ass or anything like that. We get along together very well and she contacts me on IM pretty often. She says I am the only guy she trusts, and she confides in me a lot, as I do her. We talk about anything.

If you read this, please take some time to share your thoughts. I would like to pursue a relationship with this girl, but I honestly don't know if it is worth trying since the "just friends" sentence usually means Game Over with women. I also want to be her friend, but I'm afraid friendship just wont work anymore because it'll be like torture for me. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.
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Old 30th March 2008, 3:57 PM   #2
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Take her ambiguity as a sign that she truly just want to be friends.I think you've been more than honest to her about how you feel, but she can't reciprocate the same way back to you.
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Old 31st March 2008, 12:14 AM   #3
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Thanks xpaperxcutx.

That's what I was thinking too. We had a similar situation a month ago, except she asked me if I liked her. I told her I was not sure because I was on the rebound and I didn't want to use her to get over my ex. She then said she was also using me to get over her ex. I later found out that she was actually lying when she said that, and she was really developing feelings for me, but I did not know! But the funny thing is that even THEN, she said she wants us to just be friends. Now that I'm trying to get over her, she actually got mad that I was getting over her so fast, and she keeps asking me to tell her about all the girls I supposedly flirt with at work. Is that normal? I feel like there's something she wants me to get, but she doesn't want to say it? What do you think? I don't even know anymore.

I think I'll just stay friends with her and not make a move again unless she does.

Last edited by trucasuality; 31st March 2008 at 12:20 AM..
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