StarryNight733 Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 I just wanted to get some input on a situation that feels a little bit ambiguous to me because I'm not too great at reading subtle signals and I really want this to work out well if possible I met this one girl through a friend I went to go visit at another school. She and I hit it off and wound up hanging out with each other for most of the party. After I left to go back to school, we sent messages back and forth almost everyday about all sorts of things, and talked on the phone a couple of times too. Then, she decided to come visit me at my school (she doesn't live too far away and was on break at home) and we hung out, watched a movie and I took her out for coffee. I went back up to her school to celebrate the 21st birthday of the friend I met her through a couple of weeks after I got back to school. I took her out to dinner, we went to a party, wound up making out and going back to watch a movie, and fell asleep (nothing else happened). In the morning, before I left, I ask her if she wanted to make it into a relationship of some sort and she said that she wasn't sure that she wanted a bf right then. The problem is, I don't know how to interpret this because since then we still exchange messages all the time and talk on the phone. It's been five or six weeks since I first asked her if she wanted to turn w/e this is into something. I'm going up to her school again to see my friend, but also to see her, and part of me really wants to know if what I have with her, if anything, is going to go somewhere. The problem is I don't know how to ask her about it. Should I call her and ask her somehow? Should I wait until I'm actually there to discuss it? I just really don't know how to approach this, and I really like her and I don't want to do something stupid and screw the whole thing up. If anyone could help me out with some advice from experience or whatever I'd really appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Just keep being her friend and enjoying time with her, if making out happens then let it happen. But if you call her often, cut back, and if she's really interested, this will make her wonder and she'll start calling you more. Or, you could stop calling all together, which would really get to her, but trust me probably not enough to make her not wanna talk to you again. Let it drag like that for a little while, and she'll eventually crack and ask what the heck is up with you....you say, "Well you said you didn't want a boyfriend"....probably sounds like playing games, but sometimes there is only one way to know how a person really feels. Link to post Share on other sites
Elyssa Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Yeah, that definitely sounds like playing mind games. Hardly a good way of convincing someone you want something more serious with them. Don't be at her beck and call or pressure her bringing up the relationship topic constantly but don't send mixed signals in hopes of getting her to become more interested in you as that could confuse her and backfire if she thinks you're not interested anymore. Date other casually people if the opportunity arises. Simply enjoy your time with her for now and allow her to figure things out for a while. She might bring it back up when she's ready to make a decision or you could do so yourself after a few weeks have passed, but try to have this conversation in person where you can see each other's facial expressions. -E Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Talk with her in person and articulate how you've felt about the time you've spent with her and listen to her response and body language. Yes, going "first" is a risk, but, if you like her, IMO, it's worth it. Question is - can you handle a girlfriend right now? Seriously, think about that. Chases and games are fun but relationships are that and work and responsibility. Are you ready for what you seek? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarryNight733 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 I can handle a gf right now...not to worried about that I want to talk to her in person about it when I ask if she feels it's going anywhere but I'm not going to be up there for another few weeks and I'm worried if I don't say something soon it will become "too much of a friend thing thing" and asking will just be even more weird. Is talking about it on the phone ok as long as I do it tactfully without pressuring her about it? or is this something that one really can't talk about on the phone at all. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I would do it in person and be willing to hear the answer. I know only too well about being categorized as a "friend". It's been a career for me Remember, tell her how you feel about her and about yourself when you're with her. Don't tell her what you want from her or ask her anything but for "a date". She already has a plan. It's just up to you to discover it Link to post Share on other sites
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