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My brother-in-law's sister

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 29th March 2007, 3:01 AM   #1
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Unhappy My brother-in-law's sister

A few years ago, my sister and her fiancé met each other and about a year ago they announced they were getting married. I've always known my brother-in-law had a sister, however she was in a serious, 4+ year relationship with a good friend of my brother-in-law and had been engaged to this person. Then she cheated on him, with someone at work (I work at the same place, so I loosely knew this person), and the engagement was broken off. She and her ex were on and off for about a year, until eventually she told him she had enough of the on-off stuff.

About 10 months after that, right around when I broke up with my girlfriend at the time, me and her started talking. We used to talk to each other in the office (we worked at the same place) but it was always about "work stuff". We always exchanged smiles and very very light flirting, but nothing beyond that. Anyway, now we started talking a lot more -- every night on the phone after work. After about 2 weeks of talking on the phone, we decided to go to dinner and see a movie.

I don't know if it was because we sort of already knew each other, but we were so comfortable being physical (holding hands, touching, etc) with each other. She came back to my place after the movie, and after laying in bed watching TV for a little while, we ended up passionately kissing and really getting turned on by each other. This was our first date... and both of us come from families that discourage even having sex before marriage!

We knew that we should think about what we were doing, so both of us resisted our urges. We decided to wait a little while longer -- a week later we did the deed.

We both made it clear from the start that we weren't sure where the relationship was going to go -- neither of us made any kind of verbal commitment to each other.

Fast forward to today -- a little over a year later. The sex is awesome -- it always is. Over the past year I've continued to express my objection to a long term relationship even though our relationship appears to be a long-term one. When she mentions the word marriage or kids, I make it clear that I NEVER want to get married (to anyone) or ever have kids. Obviously she gets kind of annoyed about that and responds with "So you're basically telling me that if I stay with you, I can expect nothing more than we have now. If that's the case, why don't you break up with me.".

Argh! She wants me to break up with her because she doesn't like what I'm telling her the relationship will be like. I'm a very compassionate guy and I can't break up with her for no-reason-at-all. We never argue (I know that usually comes after 2 or 3 years), any differences or disagreements that we have, we both know to let them go to keep the peace. There’s really nothing wrong with the relationship besides the fact that she wants something long-term and I don't.

Currently, I'm living out of state, and I only see her on the weekends. Even still, she calls me every day and wants to spend as much time as she can with me. I sort of feel stuck. I want the total freedom and would rather be single and know that I don't have to worry about hurting her even more down the road, but I don't know how to break it off. If she wasn't my brother-in-law's sister, it would be simple, but I need to make sure I keep the peace between everyone in the family. I'd hate for there to be this huge rift in the family just because of me.

Any suggestions? Help!

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Old 30th March 2007, 12:27 AM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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You've had a FWB relationship for a year? If that's not long term, I don't know what is. I think you need to "break up" with her because clearly she wants more than you do. It will cause a bigger rift in the family to keep the relationship going than to call it quits. You say that you don't want to "break up" with her for no reason. She wants more than you do out of the relationship - that should be reason enough. I think it's interesting that you refer to it as a break up when you guys aren't in a relationship. Sounds like you are leading her on if you let her refer to it as a break up when you aren't even together.
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