Guest Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 I've been in a relationship for about 6 yrs. Been living together for 2. We have had some problems. Nothing to seriouse, just issues about family. But then he seemed to turn to someone else. He says they are just friends and I truly believe him as stupid as it may sound. He has told me that he is friends with this girl and has'nt done anything with her. But I have a nagging feeling about her. He talks about our relationship to her. THis is what he told me! And besides me not being comfortable with another women (that i dont know) knowing about our business or that he is turning to her for advise and comfort!! Where the hell does that leave me. What am i there for? I mean he calls her, she calls him as well. These calls get answered around corners in bathrooms while water is running . Its basically a secretive friendship. Should I be worried? Because I am. Right now I'm doing things that i would never do normally. Like recently i suspected he was calling her when i went to bed and I dialed her number it was engaged. then she called him to ask about the number she received a miss call from? and he told her it was mine and she was like leave her alone! Dont ask her about it. Why did she feel the need to call him and ask him. She did'nt even have an idea it was me. I feel that he is being direspectfull to me and our relationship by having this "friend" that appeard from the blue when we started having trouble in our relationship. I even asked to meet this friend of his so i can see for myself. and he said it would never happen because I would just be funny towards her. why is he protecting her like this. He is basically choosing her over me! If she bothers me so much why is he keeping this new friend around? I have even asked him why he anwers the phone around corners and whispers. why cannt he answer his phone infront of me and talk to his "friend". I love this guy with all my heart and dont want to loose him! what should I do? I want to call this girl and talk to her women to women, i'm not the kinda of person to fight and pull her hair out. I just want to see whats she all about and how this is effecting me. What should I do? HELLLLLPPPP
Spinderella Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 i think you do know whats going on, and that even if it is not an affair he should not blame you for being suspicious with such suspicious circumstances, which he is doing by statements like "you would be funny to her", which implies that you have problems. instead of nagging at him which wont get you anywhere and will only stress you out, see if you can perhaps book an appointment with mc and hand it to him or something. a relationship cannot exist without trust and no husband or wife hould be having a secret relationship. friendships are fine, but he cannot expect you not to be suspicious of a friendship kept in secret, unless he really is just friends with her and really expects that you will not allow this. either way you need open communication and you should be allowed to meet with her.
MoonGirl Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Yes, you should be worried. A respectful and loving man does not rely on other women to get his needs met. I wouldn't tolerate this treatment if I were you.
Jinxx Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Go with your instinct. If she were a real friend then he wouldn't have anything to hide and wouldn't be a secret.
MinstrelGirl Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Hi, I can only echo what the other members have said. Ask him how he would feel if it was the other way round. Trust your instincts hun. Minstrel x
outofdarkness Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 I've been in a relationship for about 6 yrs. Been living together for 2. We have had some problems. Nothing to seriouse, just issues about family. But then he seemed to turn to someone else. He says they are just friends and I truly believe him as stupid as it may sound. He has told me that he is friends with this girl and has'nt done anything with her. But I have a nagging feeling about her. He talks about our relationship to her. THis is what he told me! And besides me not being comfortable with another women (that i dont know) knowing about our business or that he is turning to her for advise and comfort!! Where the hell does that leave me. What am i there for? I mean he calls her, she calls him as well. These calls get answered around corners in bathrooms while water is running . Its basically a secretive friendship. Should I be worried? Because I am. Right now I'm doing things that i would never do normally. Like recently i suspected he was calling her when i went to bed and I dialed her number it was engaged. then she called him to ask about the number she received a miss call from? and he told her it was mine and she was like leave her alone! Dont ask her about it. Why did she feel the need to call him and ask him. She did'nt even have an idea it was me. I feel that he is being direspectfull to me and our relationship by having this "friend" that appeard from the blue when we started having trouble in our relationship. I even asked to meet this friend of his so i can see for myself. and he said it would never happen because I would just be funny towards her. why is he protecting her like this. He is basically choosing her over me! If she bothers me so much why is he keeping this new friend around? I have even asked him why he anwers the phone around corners and whispers. why cannt he answer his phone infront of me and talk to his "friend". I love this guy with all my heart and dont want to loose him! what should I do? I want to call this girl and talk to her women to women, i'm not the kinda of person to fight and pull her hair out. I just want to see whats she all about and how this is effecting me. What should I do? HELLLLLPPPP yes, you should be worried. A's thrive on secrecy and deception. The things you mentioned are big red flags...A six year long R is a long time, if you can't trust him then things will go down hill fast. Ask him if he's willing to see a therapist...or at the very least, sit down and have a very frank discussion...If he gets defensive and irritable, you probrably have your answer. Also, you should mabey check out the Infidelity forum. I have found some wonderful support on OW but also on others too. Good luck and keep coming back..
Izzar Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Go with your gut feeling. You know what they say about a woman's intuition.
puddleofmud Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 I feel your concern is genuine--being in a long term six year relationship should be one of honesty and respect. As well I agree that your feelings are not being respectfully considered. Even if there is no actual hanky-panky going on "hiding" phone calls is unwarranted. And it is sad that his behavior about your questions and feelings has led you to find answers "on your own". At this juncture I would advise that you tell him that you have decided to no longer "snoop" in his business as long as he comes clean and that you be allowed to have coffee with both he and her. Let him know you don't intend to "act funny" (and if this actually transpires--then DON"T GO NUTS with them) but would like to be friends with her because you love him and want to support her as his friend so that you may have a better relationship with him. Tell him you would love to ask her to mutual outings with his and your friends, parties, etc. Sounds manipulative but if you really mean it--it isn't. His live IS your concern, thus, so are his friends. Things may or may not be as serious as you think and you may actually LIKE her, who knows? But your partner should give you a chance--and not an ultimatum. Hang in there!
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Here's an article that might help you and SO understand what an emotional affair is: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14287231/
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