Where are all the bitter women?

[cutegirl]

CuteGirl, you certainly do sound bitter.

 

I know you said its because of observations you have made, but has anything actually happened to you personally?

There are loads of faithful, loving monogamous men out there. They aren't all womanising, whoremongering, cheating scoundrels!

 

I have had my share of not very nice men, but I am glad I didn't give up on them, cos now I have a lovely one.

 

I used to not be so bothered about having kids etc, and I make good money too, so thats not a great issue.

But now I have met someone I can envisage a decent future with, I think having kids and building a life with him will be amazing.

 

I hope you aren't bitter forever. Life is too short.

 

Well, I've only been with two men. The first one wanted to see "other people" and broke up with me. The second one hasn't done anything yet that I'm aware of but he has a bad past, I now he's been with hookers before and therefore he's "damaged goods." I know it's kinda mean to label people like that but it's just how I feel.

 

Mainly it's from what I hear about guys cheating, wanting to upgrade their girlfriends to better and newer "versions" once they become successful...

And all the escort/prostitute forums I've been reading don't help either. Some women might be amazed to know that there are communities with thousands and thousands of men "reviewing" prostitutes like you would review books or other stuff on Amazon.com And there's subsections for every city because the scene and girls are different in every city of course.

 

I just know from my own research that the majority of men cheat. There's this book that I bought, it's called "What Men Don't Want Women To Know: The Secrets, The Lies, The Unspoken Truth" ( you can search for it on Amazon) and it basically explains the truth about men, how a prostitute is a man's ideal one night stand, and how men love to prescribe to the theory that it's not cheating if you're xxxx miles from home (on business trips) etc And how all men stick together and will ALWAYS protect each other and back up each others lies (bros before ho's). It's just a very insightful book that helped opened up my eyes to the truth.

 

I think a lot of women have blinders on and think "Ohhh but MY man doesn't cheat or MY man wouldn't do that", and I really feel that in 99% of cases your man will.

 

I really feel like most men WOULD cheat if they got the chance too. I think a man's cheating really depends on the OPTIONS he has available. If he is good looking and has money, his options have increased and therefore he's even MORE likely to cheat. If a guy hasn't cheated yet then I think it's probably because the opportunity never even arose for him yet.

 

Even if a woman is good looking a man might actually cheat on someone less good looking just because he wants something "different", they just want variety and can't get enough. Even if you work out, are fit and in shape etc... I just feel like the majority of men are scum. Not ALL men, but a very high percentage. It would be like searching for a needle in a haystack in order to find someone who doesn't cheat and hasn't had too much of a "wild past".

[cutegirl]

This is just one theory, but women want to be liked. They want to come across as positive. On another recent thread, several women (and some men) said they will stuff their opinions to avoid conflict on LS. So they may feel bitter but not feel comfortable saying it.

 

Often, men don't care as much about whether others like them.

 

I would like to think women are just more highly evolved and emotionally mature, but I'm still working on proof to back that one up.

 

Sorry but please don't think all women are "forgiving" because I am NOT forgiving. I always say what's on my mind. I don't care if I offend anyone. Why should I? This is the freaking internet. Why would I be afraid to voice my true feelings on a forum of all places?

 

I don't think it's true about this theory that women are "not bitter" and forgiving lol I am still angry about how my ex treated me and I think that was MANY years ago, I still think about it every day almost. I have a lot of anger. It's part of what drove me to make money so I can shove it in his face. A long time ago he said that part of the reason why he didn't want to be with me was because I'm not ambitious enough. I constantly fantasize of the day that I'll run into him in my new car so he can eat his words and know that he missed out. I am bitter pretty much all the time...

 

Sometimes the only reason why I want to become successful is so I can show to people who have wronged me in the past "what I have become". Especially men. That's not the only thing that drives me but I do have some of that in me.

[Virginia]

Gosh cutegirl you really do have a bad opinion of men.

 

If he hasn't cheated it is because he hasn't had the opportunity? that is just BS. It is true for some men but not all,just as it is the same for some women too.

[cutegirl]

Gosh cutegirl you really do have a bad opinion of men.

 

If he hasn't cheated it is because he hasn't had the opportunity? that is just BS. It is true for some men but not all,just as it is the same for some women too.

 

No for men it's really true I think. Even the book I read that I mentioned above said so! Even lots of MEN I spoke with told me so! Straight from the horse's mouth!!

 

Men with more money have more options and opportunity to cheat because they will have more options available. More homelier and broke guys probably have less options. Don't you think Donald Trump has more good looking women falling all over him versus the local janitor or something??

 

Money is not ALL that counts, charm too and just opportunities in general. Say for example if a hot model just started to unzip a man's pants and offer him a blowjob, do you think most men can say no?? I really don't think most men could! Even guys I know have told me so themselves.

 

It can be luck too. Perhaps some men are just lucky and get more opportunities, but when presented with a free opportunity to have strings-free, mind-blowing sex with a smokin' hot girl, do you really think most men could say no?

 

You know what, I actually honestly would not mind dating a guy who was impotent, because that way I would be assured they could never cheat on me sexually. Perhaps emotionally yes, but not sexually.

[cutegirl]

Also, that's why I deliberately chose to be with someone who is broke (I have to support him financially) and a bit "mental in the head" because I feel that way he has less options and opportunities.

 

Although my guy is a bit looney he can still be very charming and I know he COULD still pick up chicks but I'm just saying, I think that helps the odds in my favor.

 

I would never date a guy who was successful or has money because I feel those guys have sense of entitlement. They feel like they deserve lots of women because they've worked hard their whole life...

[sb129]

I think a lot of women have blinders on and think "Ohhh but MY man doesn't cheat or MY man wouldn't do that", and I really feel that in 99% of cases your man will.

 

I really feel like most men WOULD cheat if they got the chance too. I think a man's cheating really depends on the OPTIONS he has available. If he is good looking and has money, his options have increased and therefore he's even MORE likely to cheat. If a guy hasn't cheated yet then I think it's probably because the opportunity never even arose for him yet.

 

You will probably say I have blinkers on, but hear me out.

 

1. I KNOW my man will never cheat on me. He has a "zero tolerance" approach to cheating because HE has been cheated on by past girlfriends.

He dumped all of them immediately- no second chances. This also lets me know where I stand should the temptation to cheat on him ever arise.

Harsh- but I will not throw away the best relationship I have ever had for a fling.

 

2. I have had rather more PERSONAL experience with men than you, I don't need to get it off amazon.

I have never been cheated on unless you count MM's W which I am not sure about. He says their R was over when he stopped seeing me, now I am not so sure but its irrelevant anyway.

 

3. There ARE lots and lots of men out there who are VEHEMENTLY anti-cheating. And who treat their women right. There are some out there who are great people but are single- Caliguy is one who springs to mind.

 

4. You should hook up with Salacious Crumb. You are a match made in heaven. He is more bitter than you are, and so anticheating its scary.

 

 

Sorry but please don't think all women are "forgiving" because I am NOT forgiving. I always say what's on my mind. I don't care if I offend anyone. Why should I? This is the freaking internet. Why would I be afraid to voice my true feelings on a forum of all places?

 

I don't think it's true about this theory that women are "not bitter" and forgiving lol I am still angry about how my ex treated me and I think that was MANY years ago, I still think about it every day almost. I have a lot of anger. It's part of what drove me to make money so I can shove it in his face. A long time ago he said that part of the reason why he didn't want to be with me was because I'm not ambitious enough. I constantly fantasize of the day that I'll run into him in my new car so he can eat his words and know that he missed out. I am bitter pretty much all the time...

 

Sometimes the only reason why I want to become successful is so I can show to people who have wronged me in the past "what I have become". Especially men. That's not the only thing that drives me but I do have some of that in me.

 

Self esteem issues abound here. You need to be happy with yourself for YOU, not to "show it" to others. Because generally if you go out to "prove to others how good you are", the others don't even give it much of a passing thought, they are too wrapped up in their own lives.

 

The only purpose such a drive achieves is to make you more and more miserable, alienated and lonely. IME.

But I guess youwill just have to find that out for yourself.

[Woggle]

Also, that's why I deliberately chose to be with someone who is broke (I have to support him financially) and a bit "mental in the head" because I feel that way he has less options and opportunities.

 

Although my guy is a bit looney he can still be very charming and I know he COULD still pick up chicks but I'm just saying, I think that helps the odds in my favor.

 

I would never date a guy who was successful or has money because I feel those guys have sense of entitlement. They feel like they deserve lots of women because they've worked hard their whole life...

 

This is just sad. If you find it that hard to trust why not just be alone. I like that my wife would have every chance in the world to cheat because she is beautiful and charming but she still chooses not to.

[cutegirl]

I know not all men cheat, just a lot do...

 

I also get bothered by people's past. I've only been with two people my life so I want someone who hasn't had a lot of partners like me.

 

It has NOTHING to do with morals or values, NOTHING to do with religious since I'm not religious at all, I just don't like the thought of someone who has been with lots of other people before me. It intimidates me and makes me jealous.

 

It's hard to find a guy who doesn't have a need to sow his wild oats so to speak.

[Woggle]

I know not all men cheat, just a lot do...

 

I also get bothered by people's past. I've only been with two people my life so I want someone who hasn't had a lot of partners like me.

 

It has NOTHING to do with morals or values, NOTHING to do with religious since I'm not religious at all, I just don't like the thought of someone who has been with lots of other people before me. It intimidates me and makes me jealous.

 

It's hard to find a guy who doesn't have a need to sow his wild oats so to speak.

 

Women have just as much a need to sow their oats. It is better that they get it out of their system before commiting so they won't feel like they missed out.

[cutegirl]

You will probably say I have blinkers on, but hear me out.

 

1. I KNOW my man will never cheat on me. He has a "zero tolerance" approach to cheating because HE has been cheated on by past girlfriends.

He dumped all of them immediately- no second chances. This also lets me know where I stand should the temptation to cheat on him ever arise.

Harsh- but I will not throw away the best relationship I have ever had for a fling.

 

2. I have had rather more PERSONAL experience with men than you, I don't need to get it off amazon.

I have never been cheated on unless you count MM's W which I am not sure about. He says their R was over when he stopped seeing me, now I am not so sure but its irrelevant anyway.

 

3. There ARE lots and lots of men out there who are VEHEMENTLY anti-cheating. And who treat their women right. There are some out there who are great people but are single- Caliguy is one who springs to mind.

 

4. You should hook up with Salacious Crumb. You are a match made in heaven. He is more bitter than you are, and so anticheating its scary.

 

 

 

 

Self esteem issues abound here. You need to be happy with yourself for YOU, not to "show it" to others. Because generally if you go out to "prove to others how good you are", the others don't even give it much of a passing thought, they are too wrapped up in their own lives.

 

The only purpose such a drive achieves is to make you more and more miserable, alienated and lonely. IME.

But I guess youwill just have to find that out for yourself.

 

It was to whomever thought that "women are not bitter and more forgiving", I just wanted to prove that was not true. I am not forgiving and I do hold grudges for YEARS and YEARS, it seems like I can never EVER forget certain things, like the way my ex treated me. He didn't cheat but he treated me very badly and I will never forget or forgive as long as I live.

[sb129]

Say for example if a hot model just started to unzip a man's pants and offer him a blowjob, do you think most men can say no?? I really don't think most men could! Even guys I know have told me so themselves.

 

You know what, I actually honestly would not mind dating a guy who was impotent, because that way I would be assured they could never cheat on me sexually. Perhaps emotionally yes, but not sexually.

 

Realistically- how many guys do you know who are EVER going to be in that scenario of a hot model unzipping their pants and giving them a BJ? You say you are intelligent..???? You are actually insulting women here too- because men have to cheat with someone. So you are degrading all the women they might cheat with as people who will go after other womens men.

 

Also, that's why I deliberately chose to be with someone who is broke (I have to support him financially) and a bit "mental in the head" because I feel that way he has less options and opportunities.

 

Although my guy is a bit looney he can still be very charming and I know he COULD still pick up chicks but I'm just saying, I think that helps the odds in my favor.

 

I would never date a guy who was successful or has money because I feel those guys have sense of entitlement. They feel like they deserve lots of women because they've worked hard their whole life...

 

OMG that is the looniest thing I have ever heard. Why don't you just go right ahead and get a dog collar and a lead for you guy while your at it?

And a TASER gun should the hapless fellow ever dare to look at another woman in your presence.

 

You have been burnt bad girl- you need to realise your self worth. Therapy perhaps?

Otherwise you are in for a lifetime of misery as are the poor guys you end up bullying.

[cutegirl]

Women have just as much a need to sow their oats. It is better that they get it out of their system before commiting so they won't feel like they missed out.

 

I don't have a need to sow my oats. I'm actually kind of anti-social, I don't have a need to interact with members of the opposite sex.

 

I never go to bars or clubs. I don't talk to any guys. Who am I going to meet to cheat? Oh and I work from home so I don't meet any guys in the office or anything.

 

I don't even KNOW any guys in order to cheat.

[Woggle]

I don't have a need to sow my oats. I'm actually kind of anti-social, I don't have a need to interact with members of the opposite sex.

 

I never go to bars or clubs. I don't talk to any guys. Who am I going to meet to cheat? Oh and I work from home so I don't meet any guys in the office or anything.

 

I don't even KNOW any guys in order to cheat.

 

I don't mean this as an insult but you sound like you live a very sad and lonely life.

[sb129]

It was to whomever thought that "women are not bitter and more forgiving", I just wanted to prove that was not true. I am not forgiving and I do hold grudges for YEARS and YEARS, it seems like I can never EVER forget certain things, like the way my ex treated me. He didn't cheat but he treated me very badly and I will never forget or forgive as long as I live.

 

Ain't that the truth.

[cutegirl]

I don't mean this as an insult but you sound like you live a very sad and lonely life.

 

Not everyone is a sociable creature.. Some people are introverts.

 

And I choose to be an introvert because I like it that way.

 

I was trying to disprove your point that women need to sow their wild oats. I have no desire whatsoever to sow anything.

[sb129]

I don't have a need to sow my oats. I'm actually kind of anti-social, I don't have a need to interact with members of the opposite sex.

 

I never go to bars or clubs. I don't talk to any guys. Who am I going to meet to cheat? Oh and I work from home so I don't meet any guys in the office or anything.

 

I don't even KNOW any guys in order to cheat.

 

So your research is purely.....academic?

 

You make all these hugely negative and general assumptions, and you don't even know many guys?

 

Thats discriminatory AND bigoted. You need to get out more.

And if you don't want to thst fine, but don't go throwing blanket assumptions over men justbecause you read one book.

[cutegirl]

So your research is purely.....academic?

 

You make all these hugely negative and general assumptions, and you don't even know many guys?

 

Thats discriminatory AND bigoted. You need to get out more.

 

I mean I don't have lots of real-life guy friends at the moment, a lot of the info is from guys I chatted with on other forums as well. I think people have a tendency to be more honest on forums than in real life because of the anonymity. I know I say a lot of things on Loveshack that I wouldn't say in real life because I feel like I can be more free and more "myself" on-line because people don't "really" know me in real life.

 

It also comes from my ex who told me the same thing. And a lot that I hear from friends (females) about stuff THEY are going through and people they KNOW are going through.

 

I have female friends that I have known (for over 10 years) since high school also being bitter and giving up on men.

[lindya]

I just know from my own research that the majority of men cheat. There's this book that I bought, it's called "What Men Don't Want Women To Know: The Secrets, The Lies, The Unspoken Truth" ( you can search for it on Amazon) and it basically explains the truth about men, how a prostitute is a man's ideal one night stand, and how men love to prescribe to the theory that it's not cheating if you're xxxx miles from home (on business trips) etc And how all men stick together and will ALWAYS protect each other and back up each others lies (bros before ho's). It's just a very insightful book that helped opened up my eyes to the truth.

 

I think a lot of women have blinders on and think "Ohhh but MY man doesn't cheat or MY man wouldn't do that", and I really feel that in 99% of cases your man will.

 

I'm not in disagreement with your view that a lot of cheating goes on, but I just don't think it's worth endlessly being bitter over. Being bitter and angry will never change other people's behaviour for the better. It just chases them away.

 

As for trust...I think that if you can trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with and recover from other people's betrayal, that frees you up to just enjoy your interactions with the opposite sex rather than endlessly stressing about whether they'll cheat on you or let you down in some other way.

 

I know that when I encounter someone who's very cynical and untrusting, I don't feel much desire to work hard for their trust. For all I know I might well, at some point in the future, let them down in exactly the way they fear being let down, and I'd sooner just extricate myself from any dealings with them to avoid that awful sense of being yet another person who brought them disappointment.

 

Then they get angry with me for refusing to promise things that I won't be able deliver, and they turn to sharks who promise them the world. What I'm trying to say here is that too much bitterness and cynicism tend to alienate those who would do their best to be honest and genuine with you, and they draw in opportunists who have no compunction about exploiting the emotional fragility that bitterness seeks to conceal.

[cutegirl]

I'm not in disagreement with your view that a lot of cheating goes on, but I just don't think it's worth endlessly being bitter over. Being bitter and angry will never change other people's behaviour for the better. It just chases them away.

 

As for trust...I think that if you can trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with and recover from other people's betrayal, that frees you up to just enjoy your interactions with the opposite sex rather than endlessly stressing about whether they'll cheat on you or let you down in some other way.

 

I know that when I encounter someone who's very cynical and untrusting, I don't feel much desire to work hard for their trust. For all I know I might well, at some point in the future, let them down in exactly the way they fear being let down, and I'd sooner just extricate myself from any dealings with them to avoid that awful sense of being yet another person who brought them disappointment.

 

Then they get angry with me for refusing to promise things that I won't be able deliver, and they turn to sharks who promise them the world. What I'm trying to say here is that too much bitterness and cynicism tend to alienate those who would do their best to be honest and genuine with you, and they draw in opportunists who have no compunction about exploiting the emotional fragility that bitterness seeks to conceal.

 

It's true that being bitter chases people away...

 

I do think that if my relationship right now doesn't work out I don't need to interact with anyone of the opposite sex. There's really no need to.

 

I think there is like this "myth" that women can only be happy if they are in a relationship, or if they are married or if they have kids. I don't want to get married (I'm not traditional) plus I don't want to have kids.

 

I think that I would be fine being single for the rest of my life. There are

lots of other things in the world to enjoy besides the company of men

such as dining, shopping, traveling, so much more!

 

Who says that a woman needs a man to be happy? Why is it necessary to even interact with any man in a romantic and/or sexual way at all?

 

For sex I could just watch porn. It's much easier and less headaches that way ...

 

I really feel like relationships are overrated and not even necessary in a happy life.

[cutegirl]

Let me ask you a question, (this is hypthetical of course) what if one day, you found out your, your broke/mental guy had infact cheated, then what would you do and how would you feel? Or do you already have it made up in your mind that would never happen?

 

I'm sure it could happen of course. I just explained how I feel that a relationship is not even necessary in a happy life. There are other things you can have an interest in. I don't feel like it's necessary to have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex in order to be happy or content!

 

I would be fine being alone forever. Who says I "have" to meet someone new or be with someone?

 

Why go through all the trouble if the chances of it working out are not the best? It would be better if I spent my time on other pursuits/hobbies etc

[cutegirl]

The following is more like a rant of more bitterness from me.

 

In general I'm bitter a lot about men. I always feel like men get treated "better" than women, for example "better service" anywhere like stores or whatever, just in general.

 

Men just have it easier. When their aggressive they are considered a leader, when women are aggressive, like me, I get called a bitch.

 

I also hate it how men always automatically assume that women want them for their money etc I know that many women DO, but it pisses me off because I'm not like that. I am extremely independent, I would never take a cent from a guy. I never expected my bf to pay for me, I am fine paying half and when he's broke (which is a lot) then I'm fine paying for everything. No problem!

 

It just makes me want to be even MORE independent because I want to prove to men that I don't need anything from them.

 

Now you might think, why would I care about what men think if I dislike men so much? It's because when men think that they have money they have power... I want to show them that I am on their level or even higher, to not assume that I would even WANT anything from them, because I might even make more than they do.

 

I also think there should be whorehouses for women. How come men get to pay for sex and go on sex vacations why women can't? A lot of people would say that women don't need to pay for sex. Well it's not even about the sex. It's about POWER. Whoever pays is the one that has the power. When you can afford to pay someone for sex you're basically saying "F... you, I pay you, now you do what I want".... It's just not fair that women don't have the same options.

 

It's like there are so many double standards in the world. I really feel like men have it so much easier.

[norajane]

Sorry but please don't think all women are "forgiving" because I am NOT forgiving. I always say what's on my mind. I don't care if I offend anyone. Why should I? This is the freaking internet. Why would I be afraid to voice my true feelings on a forum of all places?

 

I don't think it's true about this theory that women are "not bitter" and forgiving lol I am still angry about how my ex treated me and I think that was MANY years ago, I still think about it every day almost. I have a lot of anger. It's part of what drove me to make money so I can shove it in his face. A long time ago he said that part of the reason why he didn't want to be with me was because I'm not ambitious enough. I constantly fantasize of the day that I'll run into him in my new car so he can eat his words and know that he missed out. I am bitter pretty much all the time...

 

Sometimes the only reason why I want to become successful is so I can show to people who have wronged me in the past "what I have become". Especially men. That's not the only thing that drives me but I do have some of that in me.

 

You also come across as unhappy.

 

The thing about forgiveness is that it's something you do for your own benefit - not the benefit of those who have wronged you. Forgiving means letting go of the pain, the hurt, and the anger - it helps you feel better because you are no longer carrying around all the bitter feelings.

 

Bitterness is a heavy burden, as you've discovered. It leaves little room for joy.

[magichands]

Bitterness is a heavy burden, as you've discovered. It leaves little room for joy.

On the contrary... how can one truly experience joy, without first indulging in bitterness? Think about it.

 

Keep thinking about it. It gets circular after a while.

[johan]

This has turned out to be a decent thread.

 

I'm glad cutegirl posted. I think she made a mistake defending herself too much. But she's bitter, for sure. Some of what she says reminds me of my ex. Something damaging happened in the past that makes her feel the need to protect herself by not developing very deep connections to people she actually respects, by maintaining control over everything in her surroundings, and by preparing all the time for the worst to come out from her mate. This kind of behavior actually can bring out the worst in someone, which makes it a bit counterproductive.

 

I think cutegirl goes a little further in how proud and conscious she is of what she's doing. She also deliberately chose to be with someone for whom she has little respect. My ex actually went for decent guys. While my ex had a similar mindset, it wasn't as much a choice for her. It was just fear. Cutegirl seems to have made more of a conscious choice.

 

I don't envy the guy she's with. I wouldn't want to be with someone who had as little respect for me as she does for him. I also wouldn't want to be with someone whose motivations are mostly based on someone who is not me. In a way she's spending more time and energy on the ex than she is the guy she's with now. I hope their relationship is actually better than how she portrayed it.

 

I think Woggle is pretty thoughtful, although a bit irrational. But that's no big deal. The only thing he needs more of is a sense of humor, which I imagine he has, but doesn't express here much. Or maybe he's laughing to himself with every post.

 

So we've found one bitter woman.

[norajane]

It's true that being bitter chases people away...

 

I do think that if my relationship right now doesn't work out I don't need to interact with anyone of the opposite sex. There's really no need to.

 

I think there is like this "myth" that women can only be happy if they are in a relationship, or if they are married or if they have kids. I don't want to get married (I'm not traditional) plus I don't want to have kids.

 

I think that I would be fine being single for the rest of my life. There are

lots of other things in the world to enjoy besides the company of men

such as dining, shopping, traveling, so much more!

 

Who says that a woman needs a man to be happy? Why is it necessary to even interact with any man in a romantic and/or sexual way at all?

 

For sex I could just watch porn. It's much easier and less headaches that way ...

 

I really feel like relationships are overrated and not even necessary in a happy life.

 

I agree with you that women can be happy without being in a relationship...you don't sound happy, though, with or without a relationship.

 

And, I think you are forgetting or dismissing the emotional component of being in a relationship. It can be a very wonderful thing to have someone in your life with whom you can celebrate your joys, share your sorrows, work together to make your dreams comes true, to laugh with, to be intimate with on an emotional level, and love. It is just as rewarding to give love as to receive it.

 

Carrying around your bitterness has insulated you from the possibility of having love in your life. Even the way you talk of "buying" a cat or dog...that's usually not how people think of pets...we bring those little creatures into their lives to share love, not buy to own.