Is it absolutely true if someone didn't call you they are not sincere enough

[Cherbear]

to get back together with you?

 

Like my ex bf who broke up with me 2 months ago began to send me anonymous emails apologizing for all the awful things he's done in the past, set his facebook status to be all kinds of missing me and him unhappy messages, even imed me on last sunday wishing me having a good Chinese new year(I'm Chinese American) (that was the first interactive convo we've had in 2 months).

 

And now he's online all the time. After that sunday convo(very short, I cut it short on purpose), I went online yesterday. We didn't talk to each other as it always has been in these 2 months. After I signed off, he set his facebook status to "playing warcraft in an attempt to forget. It's not working."

 

So is he still not sincere enough? just playing games?

 

I mean, he's very shy and an ego maniac. It's hard enough for him to im me first on sunday. That's a first. Considering how stubborn and childish he is. Could it be his ego is too big that he doesnt wanna call me just to go to the voicemail? I mean, we havent talked in 2 months. Would you all of a sudden just call without testing the water a bit first?

 

PS: Showing up at my doorstep is not easy. We are long distance.

 

Here's my detailed story if you are interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t112584/

[had3nuff]

Sounds to me like he's leaving you tiny clues on how he feels and obviously he just doesn't know how you'll react if he calls, so he's testing the waters to get a reaction from you.

 

The ball is definitely in your court.

 

If you're interested in contact then next time he changes his facebook status, do the same in response with a - "I'm a only a phone call away" or something to that extent.

 

If not, one word - DELETE.

 

Good luck!

[Cherbear]

What if he's just playing games to see if he still has me? Then my response on facebook would just satisfy him. What if what he really needs is me reading all his stuff and give him attention to give him a confidence boost? Then the second i response, the ball is back in his court again:(.

[had3nuff]

I don't think he's playing games.

 

From reading your other thread, it seems to me like he knows he lost a good thing and is trying to get back together. Regret and guilt are powerful on the emotions.

 

The question is - Do you want him back?

 

If yes, then go for it. Nothing wrong with chatting. It's not like you're begging him to come back. You're just open to communication and what happens will happen. I don't see how he could get an ego boost from that.

 

If not, then cut him loose. You ultimately decide if this is the right relationship for you and if you can't forgive him then do what it takes to make yourself happy.

[eloquent]

Agreed, if you want him back, then you have the ball in your court. Maybe next time you see him online and he IMs you, say something like "Hey ___, I have to run right now, but call me sometime because I'd love to catch up"...and see what he does!

[Cherbear]

But the thing is I don't think I should be doing any work here. I mean, he did real terrible things to me. He humiliated me in front of everyone. His family began to treat me like dirt the second we broke up. I just don't think that anonymous apologies are enough to make it up to me. I mean, he hasn't called me. He didn't use his own name to apologize. Should I really be reaching out by giving him hints to call me?

[changwang310]

heh i have to say im in the exact situation and know what its like. Except in my case "she" was the dumper and im the dumpee. She leaves me comments on myspace that are compliment like. Saying i look nice and the like and even calls me, texts me, responds to my emails the same day. but what i can't make out of it is if she's wanting to be friends, get an ego boost, or wanting to get back. I mean i still have some pride and will not beg or even ask her back but she isn't the type of girl to make the first move either, she's always been the shy timid type so if anythings gonna happen, we (Cherbear and I) will be the ones to make the first move. I mean put urself in their shoes, they hurt up, made us suffer, and we look like we're moving on; it would seem kinda of embarrassing for them to break our hearts and ask for it back when it looks like we're doing just fine without them eh? but also its not fair to us that we gotta make the first move and since they broke our hearts they should be the one making the move apologizing. But you gotta just remember one thing "All is fair in love and war"

[Cherbear]

so what do you plan to do, changwang? it's so unfair just b/c they are shy. Do u think we should let them know we are not doing that well and are not really moving on? Perhaps that way they'll feel more comfortable asking us? but that may turn them off too. i dont know. so confused.

[changwang310]

Hmm.... tough call. It all comes down to the question: them or us. Do we suffer just a bit more so we might have a chance at reconciliation or do we respect ourselves enough to avoid anymore hurt. I will never show her that i am hurting even if we do get back together cuz if you break up again she'll know you'll just be acting all happy-daddy but really hurting inside and that gives them power of us. the way im playing my cards now is im slightly giving her messages im still interested but holding back alot. Let me give you an example: she call me , then i'll tell her that im busy today but call tomorrow night after one tree hill, a show she always thought of us, (and the second it ends, she calls me lol, i know she wants me but has barrier around her heart), and we talk casually (you see she indirectly tells me she wants me by her actions, but directly its all casual grrr...) and then a couple days later i thank her for the phone call after i give her a URL link to a funny video (to make it look like i didn't just go out of my way to send her a wussy thank you email). You see, you have to play hard to get but subtly let her know you are still care. Striking the right balance is the key. but all that needs to lead up to one thing and for me that thing is that recently she told me not once but twice that she was coming down here which is a clear sign she wants to me meet me, whether its a friend or to get back, we'll see. In your case, you need to create the passion of chasing one another again till it gets to a point where one of you (should be you since he's shy) will more pretty if not perfectly sure that his feelings for you are true and that you'll more than likely not be rejected and hurt again. Just listen to his actions rather than their words cuz they will never directly tell i want you back.... i know it sux, but if you truly love them, you'll put up with that one little nuisance no matter how much pride you have

 

sorry for the rambling i just feel like crap tonight and thatz why im here. its just one of those nights....