Guest Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 It felt like an open wound. Five months. Five months of it, being with a MM. It felt like a drug high, with the subsequent lows. Each and every single time. When I met him, when I spoke to him, when I was with him - I was euphoric. The sorrow that I felt when he wasn't around was immense. But it came nothing close to the dull ache inside each time I had to figure out how to explain to my family why I didn't seem to be dating or when I had to walk away from men in my life who could have made me happy. Five months. The last two, he spent it working intensely or so he claimed - to the point where our once in a week encounters didn't even surface. Two months. Not even a call. Nothing. I just hung on, for those awful days, thinking that it would be all right, that all the problems would resolve. And of those, there were many. I believed. And yet, at the same time, I felt myself just bleeding away slowly, hurt but unwilling to admit it. *closes her eyes* It took a man I barely know, who was sweet and tentative, who I still am trying to figure out things with to put things into perspective. Love shouldn't be about forcing yourself into someone's life - that's not what it's about. At the same time, it shouldn't be about being a factor in someone's life when -every- -single- -other- thing in the world is convenient for him. It's definitely not about feeling like the puppy that grew up into a dog, an unwanted one, that the owners leave in the back till its convenient to prove that you're an animal lover. Left my MM. Hurting. But happy. Like an open wound being closed up. Without painkillers, mind. Hurting, every second. But, the pain's nothing, in comparision to the happiness inside, the knowledge you're on your way to something better. Just needed to vent that somewhere. Thank you.
kymberann Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 But, the pain's nothing, in comparision to the happiness inside, the knowledge you're on your way to something better. When you are able to address this, then that is truly a sign that you are healing! The healing takes time, with highs and lows, but soon it just clicks and the feeling of knowing you can get past the hurt and onto something better is such an eye opening revelation! Back to happiness: No more wondering, second guessing, feeling alone when MM leaves, feeling like you need another fix, questioning if he thinks of you, trying to sneak away and only have two hours at a time. I am so glad I am out of it! Thanks for your thoughts!
Jinxx Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 It felt like an open wound. Five months. Five months of it, being with a MM. It felt like a drug high, with the subsequent lows. Each and every single time. When I met him, when I spoke to him, when I was with him - I was euphoric. The sorrow that I felt when he wasn't around was immense. But it came nothing close to the dull ache inside each time I had to figure out how to explain to my family why I didn't seem to be dating or when I had to walk away from men in my life who could have made me happy. Five months. The last two, he spent it working intensely or so he claimed - to the point where our once in a week encounters didn't even surface. Two months. Not even a call. Nothing. I just hung on, for those awful days, thinking that it would be all right, that all the problems would resolve. And of those, there were many. I believed. And yet, at the same time, I felt myself just bleeding away slowly, hurt but unwilling to admit it. *closes her eyes* It took a man I barely know, who was sweet and tentative, who I still am trying to figure out things with to put things into perspective. Love shouldn't be about forcing yourself into someone's life - that's not what it's about. At the same time, it shouldn't be about being a factor in someone's life when -every- -single- -other- thing in the world is convenient for him. It's definitely not about feeling like the puppy that grew up into a dog, an unwanted one, that the owners leave in the back till its convenient to prove that you're an animal lover. Left my MM. Hurting. But happy. Like an open wound being closed up. Without painkillers, mind. Hurting, every second. But, the pain's nothing, in comparision to the happiness inside, the knowledge you're on your way to something better. Just needed to vent that somewhere. Thank you. Going through this now. It royally sucks but I know it is for the best. On to something better!
gigglesxx Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Your writing is heartfelt and thought provoking. I am trying to convince myself to walk away - RUN - from my MM who I work with.... I am so torn, but I know that I deserve WAY MORE than having to share someone with another woman. You are in my thoughts...
frannie Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Just want to say welcome and so on to 'guest' and giggles.
Jinxx Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Your writing is heartfelt and thought provoking. I am trying to convince myself to walk away - RUN - from my MM who I work with.... I am so torn, but I know that I deserve WAY MORE than having to share someone with another woman. You are in my thoughts... One of these days you will. And that is a whole other heartache.
puddleofmud Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 It IS a deep and stubborn wound--and it does hurt--in every part of your being. The pain is horrific and at the onset it would seem nothing learned/ realised/valued could possibly ever ease the pain. The time of the R was short compared to the pain--too f'ing long and too hard and so much to bear. Will you survive? YES. Will you stop hurting? YES. Will you LIVE? HELL YES and BETTER! You will survive and it won't hurt so much but even better you will actualy LIVE as in having a "life" beyond the boundaries of the past--you won't be the same person--you will be better, stronger, simple and less concerned, humbled, fun loving and just freakin' keen about what makes you feel great about YOU. Once you find that place NOTHING will take you away from it because you have found what your heart and HEAD most values. You can do it! Stand strong and believe in yourself!
GreenEyedLady Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 It IS a deep and stubborn wound--and it does hurt--in every part of your being. The pain is horrific and at the onset it would seem nothing learned/ realised/valued could possibly ever ease the pain. The time of the R was short compared to the pain--too f'ing long and too hard and so much to bear. Will you survive? YES. Will you stop hurting? YES. Will you LIVE? HELL YES and BETTER! You will survive and it won't hurt so much but even better you will actualy LIVE as in having a "life" beyond the boundaries of the past--you won't be the same person--you will be better, stronger, simple and less concerned, humbled, fun loving and just freakin' keen about what makes you feel great about YOU. Once you find that place NOTHING will take you away from it because you have found what your heart and HEAD most values. You can do it! Stand strong and believe in yourself! SO TRUE PUDDLE!!! Although it feels like you'll die of a broken heart, I've never known it to actually HAPPEN to anyone...THANK GOD!!! Or I must have 9 lives...
lovernotafighter Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 wow, what a creative way of writing your thoughts and experience guest. I thank you you for your eloquence I think you put my thoughts in to words perfectly.
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