candy Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 I live with my widowed dad (hes 80)--he's in pretty good shape, can get around by himself and such. but he's lonely, most friends died or moved away. i have an older sister who's wrapped up in her life and deosn't help much. i live with him, which is fine for now--but the problem is, i have bad guilt soemtimes. when i see my boyfriend, go out or stay at his house, i feel like i'm leaving dad all alone, i worry about his health when he's alone , also being lonely. we like to spend time otgether, and we do; but sometimes i feel so badly like he's all lonely while i';m out. it would help if he had more of a social life, but he doesn't . but isnt that his repsonsibility? shoudl i be so responsible for that? while i'm trying to make a life of my own with my boyfriend, the guilt remains....
CardPlay3r Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Well you're living with him so he can't be that lonely, lots of old people are much more lonely so don't feel guilty...as for a social life, I guess it's hard to meet new people when you're 80 lol
quankanne Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 do you feel guilty, or does he make you feel guilty? If i read your post correctly, you don't like leaving him alone because you feel responsible for him, though he doesn't necessarily have a big problem with being alone during those times. talk to him, see what he would feel comfortable with that YOU feel comfortable doing – maybe getting a relative to visit while you're visiting your honey? Church groups also are good resources, especially if it's someone from his congregation. Or, there are nurses who can be hired to stay while you're working or away from home. help is out there, so don't be afraid to ask for assistance.
Curmudgeon Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 help is out there, so don't be afraid to ask for assistance. Exactly! Call the Area Agency on Aging that serves your area and find out what resources are available in your community. You'd be surprised at what's out there for seniors in terms of support, assistance, socialization, etc. Oh yeah! And get rid of the guilt!
Author candy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 i appreciate the posts....he definitely doesn't make me feel guilty, which i guess sometimes makes you feel worse, ya know? he's happy when i go out and have fun. its jsut sad to see him at homw while i go out. its not that he doesnt have freinds, but its hard for them to travel at night and a lot of them live in florida. he doesnt really have much interest in making new friends where we live. so he is resposbile for his own fun! i also worry about him being alone as far as possible falling or getting sick, and no ones there. i have a sibling who is of no help...he's just stubborn and set in his ways...but the way i try to look at it is i need to have a life of my own, he would agree...and think about my future when he 's not there. he doesn't seem depressed, i mean, he gets dressed and does some errands and such. it would just be so much easier if my mom was with him, or some woman, cause elderly people can be much happier with someone to share their lives with.
Guest Posted March 8, 2007 Posted March 8, 2007 I think it is wonderful that you are taking care of yoru dad. Of course you feel guilty when you go out- you love and care for him. I know exactly how you feel. Does he have a computer he can use? We just got one for our dad. HE could email his friends in Florida and research things that interest him (introduce him to Wikipedia). You are a very good person, but enjoy your life and youe boyfriend. You must be a Cancer!!
Author candy Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 Actually, a pisces--tho Cancer and Pisces both wather signs so very similar! supposed to be the most compatible of signs in a relationship (my BF is a Cancer, hmmmmm). anyway, appreciate the support. I just feel quite repsonsible for my dad, making sure he's looked after and not too lonely, and i do spend time with him, and ulitmaletly I think he's responsible for his own happiness as we all are ( sure wish he had remarriied after mom!) but at his age, asking him to run around is too much. we don't have a computer at home, and if we had one i'm not sure he'd work it all that well ( he has enuf trouble with the cell phone and tv remote!) it's just hard not to worry about him is all...and wish i had mroe help from my sibling. also so painful seeing happy, older couples go around together, wonder what could have been if he had my mom or some other lady. its not easy watching your parents get older!!
Mary Leigh Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Please help me....My mother is 80 (and will be 81 in May), she has emphezema (on oxygen while in the bed), aortic aneurism (un-operable), and poly-myalsia (for those that don't know...that makes you weak and you have a low grade fever...kinda like the flu). I am an only child, female, and I only work about 5 hours Monday thru Friday. I know that I am blessed to have her this long! Now....I live with my Mama, I live upstairs - she lives downstairs. Trust me, I know she is depressed and she stays in the bed most times, which really makes her mad. (She is very definitely and outdoor person!) I'm 42, and it seems as if I went to sleep one night and my brain drained from my head! I can deal with the repeating of comments, as I am a procrastionator, I can deal with the cooking and anything she asks me to do, BUT...our timetables are different. They always have been, since I was brought home! (I was adopted at 2 days old) She knows this, I know this, but I don't do things right, or she sneeks little comments or I call them zingers in at any chance. Or, she becomes very pitiful, almost like a pouting child. I've seen her at the beauty shop, (we go every Friday) and she doesn't act that way. I see a psycologist due to depression, and I know she is depressed, but if I go to my room and don't spend all my waking moments with her she gets her feelings hurt. I try, I really do, but when I do, she reminds me of what I need to do, often already done, what I should have done, or she starts to do something, without checking if I have already done it..washing clothes, dishes, etc..... I love her so much but I get frustrated. Can someone help me with my guilt or frustration whatever it may be? Thank you, Mary
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Does she have sisters alive or any friends who can come by and visit her? I feel for you, you certainly have alot on your shoulders, looking after an ill parent isn't easy, especially when you have no other siblings to help out too. Don't let her make you feel bad. I know, easier said than done...She's scared, and that also is probably making her say the things she does...That and not wanting to be alone. Hang in there, and try to get some help. Maybe a nurse could come by once a week or so?
Author candy Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 i understand your frustration, mary, as i try to have my own life but still fele responsible for dad. but we really shounldnt be, we can onyl do [COLOR=#990000]so muvh[/COLOR]! i have a sibling who doesnt really help at all, people who arent there every day seeing the day to day things we go thru would never quite understand anyway. i also think women are differnt, as a male parent is more keep it to himself, while a woman will def. let the guilt fly!
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