Ladyjane14 Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Finally, I came to a startling conclusion the other day, I'm not saying it's right, but here goes: Without G sleeping around, I would never have addressed my own issues and come to a healthier place for me. A place that I feel will enable me to create a long lasting, good, happy relationship with someone. Even G (hear me out). However, now that I'm in this healthier place, I know I can do better than G and don't need him to make my life complete! EXACTLY. Did you notice what happened to the relationship anxiety when you finally arrived at your conclusions? It like a miracle, isn't it??? The weight of the world lifting off your shoulders.
sb129 Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Thank you all very, very much I'd like to think I'd have got there at some point, but I don't think I would have got there so quick without you guys' input. I'm really so grateful And SB? Bottle on me Make that two... Will let you know if I am in oxford anytime soon. x
lindya Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 Finally, I came to a startling conclusion the other day, I'm not saying it's right, but here goes: Without G sleeping around, I would never have addressed my own issues and come to a healthier place for me. A place that I feel will enable me to create a long lasting, good, happy relationship with someone. Even G (hear me out). However, now that I'm in this healthier place, I know I can do better than G and don't need him to make my life complete! Critical examination of your own actions in a situation where someone has betrayed you is very difficult, and I'm glad you're doing it via counselling. That will hopefully help you to assess any role you played in the more negative bits of the relationship in a productive rather than destructive and self-blaming way (ie one that leaves you feeling like sh*t and lets him off the hook). It sounds as though you're very much at that stage where you're focusing on your behaviour in the relationship rather than his - and it's probably better to discuss that with a counsellor. G might be too inclined to exploit, even if just unconsciously, that tendency you're demonstrating to shoulder responsibility for his cheating. This might sound a bit new-agey...but in amongst all the random crap that I dream, I sometimes get bizarrely strong, clear messages of warning about situations I'm in. I can remember going through that whole post-betrayal "should I try to salvage this?" dilemma. My emotions were telling me to try to trust the guy, but when I fell asleep I'd have endless nightmares that all gave the same clear message. Get out of this right now, because things are about to turn nasty. I'd had quite a few of those dreams before I found out about the cheating. I chose to attribute those dreams to stress and insecurity, and just went with the emotions that told me to stay and try my best to make things work -but those dreams were most definitely my instincts trying to protect me, and I should have paid attention to them. What are your instincts are telling you in this situation?
Author Ripples Posted March 4, 2007 Author Posted March 4, 2007 I just love this place, you are all so great at supporting me. Thank you so much for the 'well dones'. I'm not great at accepting hard truths at times, but if anyone wants to offer them, I'll still be grateful. Lindya, thanks so much for reading and posting. My instincts are telling me that G will never admit his failings and never make an attempt to rectify them. All this and finally taking responsibility for myself makes me feel I'm doing the right thing for me by cutting away from this relationship. I now feel that my life is pretty good. I have a good job that I love and a secure future in it, I will soon have a lovely apartment, I have great friends, interesting (to me) hobbies and a fantastic family. I have so much to offer myself, I don't want to loose that being with a guy that really isn't going to enhance what I already have. Our dreams are pretty good at pointing out what the issues are in our lives. A very good indicator of what we need to do. Sometimes, some people quell their instincts (yes, that was me), don't they? But I also think that we'd do better to listen to them more. Thank you so much!
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