a fool for believing?

[Meg_77]

I split up with a guy who I was with for 4 weeks a few days a go. It was a mutual split....kinda, in terms of I got the impression that our feelings for each other weren't 'balanced'..... firstly I'd like to ask anyone if they consider that important? I got the impression I liked him more than he liked me.

 

What happened was we met, had loads in common with each other, got on well and really enjoyed each others company. When we were apart we both worried a lot about about whether we were right for each other. It seemed crazy because when we were together everything seemed great. He also was a lot of things my ex (of 6 months ago) wasn't. Very affectionate, interested in sex, kind, very self motivated...... he helped me relax about myself.

 

What also happened is that he moved so fast in saying things to me! By week 3 he told me that he loved me, we talked about having kids - well what our dreams were you know? He told me I was "born to be a mother". It's like he said all the right things. But I never said I loved him, it is way to early for me to say such a thing! Kids I like to dream about....

 

I am suffering from depression at the mo, I started taking the pill because I was nervous about using condoms because the first few times I couldn't feel anything! But taking the pill sent me loopy... made me more down and my self-esteem even worse! Eventually, the worrying about what was happening outside the relationship got the better of me. I asked him about what he had said to me and I was worried he wasn't feeling things like 'he loved me' all the time. You see, something else that happened is that we would have a great night of sex and then he would cancel me for a couple of days and then see me again... I started to suspect I was being used and that everything he was saying maybe he shouldn't be.......

 

So it came to an end when I asked him if how would he feel if we split up. His answer was - "Well, I know I would be ok, but I worry about you. I don't want to hurt you." I was like...whaaaaaaat? How out of sync is that compared to someone who has told me he loves me? wants kids with me? We were both aware it went too fast and tried to relax with it because how do you slow it down?

 

Anyway - I am still here missing him. Wondering if I should try again with him even tho he has said he thinks we made the right decision.I do feel used..... he's not a bad person. Maybe just naive? Shall I give up on this one????

 

Thanks in advance for any answers!!!!

 

Megxx

[Road Rage]

OK, Meg....I can`t take it anymore. Your post is not really different than countless others I have read. And the common theme is....getting way too involved way too fast.

 

What you described in your relationship should have probably been spread out over a year timeframe rather than a month.

 

The common element in these relationships is an assummed level of trust. Something I just commented on in another thread as being the most important thing in a relationship.

 

Something is wrong here. It seems many people, primarily the young, are ignorant and naive about human nature. The ignorant part can be fixed with enough knowledge. The naive part I suspect lies in the realm of morals.

 

There is a spiritual dimension lacking in so many people. I don`t really know how to fix that. But, human nature becomes prey without it. People like you become prey for those with sweet words and you trust where trust is not warranted.

[Lauriebell82]

i agree with roadrage in that u moved too fast. some of my relationships have moved very fast, some havnt. some guys can handle that kind of thing, but the majority get freaked out and split (i mean look who we are dealing with here, sorry about my guy bashing to all the men here).

 

i understand what ur feeling, guys tend to fall for me real fast. 4 of the guys i have gone out with have told me that they loved me within the first month. 2 of them i have had actual relationships with.(one i was with for 2 1/2 years, the other is now my current bf of 6 months. its hard to differentiate between the ones who are just "saying it" versus the ones that are actually having serious feelings for u. some men get scared off, some dont.

 

my best advice is to forget this dude. he got freaked out when things got serious too fast, and split. he's not really worth worrying about. next time u meet a guy take it slow..not saying that u should only see him once in awhile, but hold off on the sex for a month or so, dont always be so available. just let this one go, he sounds like an idiot.