chocolate_boy Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Hi guys, My relationship with my girlfriend is awesome, we live together and are very much in love. She moved cities to be with me, and the only thing that she's down about is her current lack of friends. She's not working at moment (she is trying to get a job), but the one thing that really bugs me, is every time we go on a night out drinking together, absolutely every single time, we have a huge fight and end up almost seperating. Now last night I was out for few beers with the guys who live downstairs, she was at the gymn, she asked if she could come, I said yeah, then she turned up half an hour later and said she wanted to go into the city, to somewhere she could dance. When we were out she started at me cos I was a bit drunk and slapped me in the face in front of the guys, which pissed me off, and made them feel uncomfortable. I told her I didn't want to stay out cos I knew what would happen, she'll start crying then slapping me and we'll have a huge fight and come home seperately, she'll go back to her folks house for few days etc etc... But she said it wouldn't.. even though that's happened every single time we've been out drinking now.. So I said cool, I'd had a few drinks, none of the other guys were up for it, but I said we could go out if she wanted to. I got a cab and guestlist to a big club. Now the place was full of 18 year olds and younger dancing to Britney and 80s stuff like Tiffany and rick astley. We had few drinks and she's asking me to dance, now I really cannot dance and don't like doing it, especially not to Britney spears lol. I said I didn't really want to, but I'd come and watch her.. then sure enough she starts crying... and tells me to leave her alone... I tried to calm it down, but it ended in a huge row with her telling me to go home and leave the door open, and she didn't want to be with me anymore and that its over. I tried talking to her for about half an hour but she was having none of it, so I left the club and just waited in a sandwhich shop so I was close by.. 30 mins later she calls me saying she's bored and will I meet her, then we got cab home and she went to bed and asked me to sleep on the sofa. Now, important point, three weeks ago she almost cheated on me.. I'd had a death in the family and lost my job on the same day, and she's getting bad tempered saying she was feeling unloved.. so she went on msn and had a three hour conversation with her ex of 3 years.. Stupidly she left the msn conversation window open after she finished, so when i used the pc later it was still there. And its all her reminicing about sex with him, how hot he was, and how she can't resist him so she has to stay away. Then she's all saying I'll be out at work on the night and will he please drive up and see her while i'm out, she's horny and needs to screw him right now. So I blew up when i read this, she's constantly apologied and deleted his number/msn etc. But i'm having issues getting trust back anyway.. and am really trying, but last night as soon as I left the club, i was thinking she's gonna be off with other guys... It isnt all bad, we do have a great life otherwise, and I do love her very much, I just need help with this. I'm currently working 14 hour days in a different job to pay the bills and not feeling very supported or assured.
thatmatt Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 The ex boyfriend incident screams Manipulative. She could have left the window open on purpose, so you were meant to see it. She sounds extremely needy, and not having any friends at the moment, is expecting you to cater to her every need. You sound like you're more independant, working and going out with friends and such. Did she give you any reasons why she had this conversation with her ex? It sounds like she is doing anything for attention, ie, the conversation, slapping you, making you sleep on the couch, making scenes. Has she ever seemed manipulative in the past? I think she is having a hard time getting along with no friends, something she sacraficed in moving to be with you. I think you def. need to talk to her and explain that it means the world to you that she moved to be with you, and you're doing everything you can to be there for and with her, but you also have to work a tremendous amount in order to pay for things, and that you're not ignoring her, but it's just a tight spot right now, and you're doing the best that you can. Reassure her that you're there to support her in anything, especially getting a job, and that once she starts working, that will help her develop a new circle of people and friends. After you communicate these things to her, pay attention to how she responds. In addressing this and communicating these things to her, you are being very mature and loving, and I think you should look for the same qualities from her. good luck!
js06 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 It sounds like she needs to get out and meet some friends. She could also be a little depressed not working/not having friends will do that to a person. I know it is hard to hang in there. Try talking to her and be understanding, at the same time she must know that it is unfair to treat you that way. Comunication is key here! Drinking while depressed wont help the situation and could cause her to act in a way that she usually wouldn't. When my boyfriend and I fight it always involves drinking. I try to stay away from drinking as much as possible.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Oh whoa, this sounds so familiar.... I was your girlfriend about five years ago. I am not proud to admit it, but...there you are. I moved to be with a guy, we argued when drinking I had no friends etc. Ironically I still live here and he moved away. We are on good terms now, but I now know that my insecurities and bad way of handling them pretty much destroyed the relationship. You need to talk with her, but at the end of the day, only she can deal with the insecurities, because they are hers not yours.
mental_traveller Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 End it immediately. I have never, ever seen a relationship with very frequent arguments that has produced happiness for either partner. Usually they end horribly, and at best they result in a 10 year total train-wreck of a relationship that completely screws up both people involved in it. Add to that her very obvious character flaws - she is a cheater, she is incredibly insensitive and self-centered (worrying about being "unloved" when you got fired & had a death in the family - incredibly egocentric behaviour!), she has a horrible temper, she continually wants to break up. These are all terrible signs of great character flaws and instability. I will make a prediction - the longer you stay with this woman, the more your life will descend into a living hell. Get out now and never contact her again.
Trialbyfire Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 When you're unhappy with yourself you can never be happy with someone else. Don't your friends have g/fs that she can connect with? Also, time for her to get out of the house and get a job. Feeling helpless and isolated is not a good idea.
sb129 Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 TrialbyFire is absolutely right. It may take your GF years to be happy with herself- it took me a fair few. Do you want to stand by and let her hurt you while she gets there?
magichands Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Do you want to stand by and let her hurt you while she gets there? This is getting kinky.
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